10 Things for this Week- Welcoming Baby Bear

This week, we brought home our second baby, so life is 100% about getting everyone settled right now. I try to go lighter on the personal stuff, but this is my life right now. If you aren't interested, I promise there will be more posts about plastic straws in mere hours.

1. Brotherly Love- Not to get too saccharine, but I cannot imagine this whole "bringing a baby home to your toddler" thing going better. Bubba does call his brother Succulent, and he does talk a lot about how his brother is "eating boobs again," But all in all, this is hard to top.

2. Amazing Nurses and Doctors- We lucked out with our nurses this time, and even better, my actual doctor within the practice was on call that day, and that was awesome. It was a good reminder of how much someone who really cares about their job can make a difference, and I am seriously sending this nurse a card, because she was so amazing.

3. VBAC's are Overrated- Ok, maybe I am still too close to have much perspective, but now I have done both a vaginal birth and a c-section now. They both are solidly sucky and great in relatively equal measure. I am glad I did it, just to prove to myself I can, but beyond that, I don't think I gained much from the experience. You don't get a special medal for going through it, and in fact in my case, they took the Bub away for two hours, so my c-section felt a lot more about our bond than my vaginal birth did. What am I saying? You do what works for you, but like so many Mommy things, people's insistance that one route is infinitely greater mostly turns out to be a bunch of nonsense. Do what works for you, and let the rest go. If you have a healthy baby and momma, you have succeeded.

4. Top Pot Victory Doughnut- Alright, a few things about vbacs are way better. One of the biggest perks is that you can eat very soon after. It doesn't have to be a doughnut, but it certainly doesn't hurt. God bless my Mother for bringing me this doughnut. And on that note...

5. My Mom- She changed her flights last minute and flew the day after surgery to be there when the Little Bub was born. The day after surgery. At a moment's notice. I have to be one of the only laboring women in history who was asking her doctor to slow things down however possible. So grateful for this amazing person who springs into action when we need her and who really shows that when you care, nothing can get in your way. I have often said she is a badass angel, but this took it to a whole new level. Thank you God for putting such a wonderful person in our lives and in the delivery room with us.

6.Laura Linney, Patron Saint of Birth- What kind of cool is it that PBS was having a Downton Abbey marathon through Labor Day weekend while we were laboring? It was almost more Edith than we could stand, but it made everything a little more fun. And if it hadn't have been on, we really would have been in trouble. Or at least bored. We did watch something else while they killed off Sybil, because that just seemed unhelpful for childbirth.

7. Reusable Nursing Pads- Nursing moms everywhere, I beg of you, skip the disposable nursing pads and get something like these from Love your Reusables instead. I love them- way more comfortable, easily cleaned (I mean, really, it's just breast milk) and I can use the same small stack for the whole time instead of constantly creating more landfill-filler. It may seem more expensive, but the per use cost is so much lower.

8.A Semi-Sleeping Baby- I don't want to jinx us, but I am currently so excited to have a little one who will go back to sleep after he eats, rather than staying up for hours on end every time. Again, a lot of optimism at play here, but I am hopeful we might stay closer to human this round!

9. Etsy Going Home Clothes- I mean, it's dancing dinosaurs for goodness sake! I love this outfit from Little Beans Baby. If you want a great outfit for a little one at any age or moment, be sure to check Etsy first.

10. Roy Schneider in Jaws- Why do I find his giant glasses and turtleneck to be so on point? This movie is making me really think about things. Not so much sharks, just 1970's male fashion mostly. Also, why is his wife not wearing pants? Also, never turn your back to the ocean, people. Overall, I like the film way more than I thought I would, so that is interesting, but not as interesting as the strange appeal of Roy Schneider's face.

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Quote of the Week- Call Your Mother

I got to spend the weekend with my wonderful, badass, sweet angel of a mother. Hope you all had a great weekend as well!

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Ten Ideas for Raising a Minimalist Kid

I want my children to have less than I did.

I know this sounds crazy. Who says that? The American Dream includes the idea that we all give our children more than we had. If we are good parents, we dream for abundance for our children. That if we are doing things right, our children have more than we had.

What happens if we want our children to have less?

At the very least, I want my children to have less stuff.

I don't think I have fewer dreams for my children than any other generation of parents did, and I do want them to have more in some ways- more adventures, more stability, more sushi than I did, but I think in the long run, we will do our children a tremendous service if they have less possessions, less spacious living, less baggage.

Before you get offended on my lovely parents' behalf (I am grateful for my upbringing and my husband's), hear me out. We are offered so many conveniences and gadgets to help manage our life, but those conveniences come at a deep cost that our children and grandchildren will have to pay.

-Too much costs our kids their healthy food and water. The (then still relatively new) disposable diapers our parents used for us 20 or 30 years ago still have 400 years on this planet, in the landfills and soil our children will eat from and the water they will drink. These options are way more prominent now- those HORRIBLE snack pouches can't be recycled, so you have saved 3 minutes now, but that pouch will outlive your grandkids. Not actually that great a deal.

- Too much costs our kids the environment. The plastic toys we played with will also outlive our children, and how many do you really remember? Why not only get used or recycled plastic toys for our kids?

- Too much costs our kids their future jobs. Because the market creates a demand for LOTS of toys (more toys is better than better toys), parents are looking for toys that are cheap. To make cheap toys, mainstream companies like Fisher Price and Melissa and Doug make all their toys in China. Those cheap toys mean someone is treated badly, fossil fuels are completely wasted in shipping, and more American jobs that can't compete with the prices fold. So fewer American jobs.

-Too much costs our kids their own happiness. Overconsumption when they are kids set them up for unhealthy habits through adulthood. If something breaks, replace it instead of fix it. More will make you happier (it's proven it never does). We all have to ask when these piles of stuff stop helping us and instead weigh us down.

- Too much costs our kids their time with us. It's well-documented that new American parents are pretty miserable. Some of these problems- like a cultural lack of a support system- can't be solved this way, but other's can. On average, our generation of parents lives in 1000 square foot larger homes than our parents did. What are we doing with all that space? And think of how much time all that extra space (and stuff that fills it) takes- we have to clean all of that! And if you have a toddler, you know life is like 80% cleaning. If we live in smaller spaces, our houses may not scream abundance and variety, but we win a lot of time back to just spend with our kids.

This dream of bigger and better keeps us working that much harder to just survive, when just surviving can be hard as it is. I see these beautiful pictures of children's spaces that look modern and pristine, not overun with toys, books, and clothes. I don't think my house will ever be that minimalist, and I am certainly still new at this. But the idea of effectively giving my children less has been on my mind a lot (especially as I fight the instinct to buy leading up to the birth of my second), so I thought I would share the ideas I have had.

1. Say Goodbye to Cable

Enough opinions are floating around about screen time (it rots your kids' brain vs. screenphobia is just the latest stand against Stay at Home Moms), but my beef isn't with a screen. Pick the amount of screen time that works for your family, Netflix it up, but stay away from media with ads. When you have cable, or you are watching any programming directed at children, you need to weed out these overstimulating and overpromising snippets.

Ads are designed to send a constant message- you aren't enough, you don't have enough, and that you won't be happy until you have this thing.

This is a pretty dangerous game of desire for anyone, much less kids. And before you roll your eyes and think your child is above it, just remember that these people really, really know what they are doing. They get degrees in how to send that message. They do research on how to do it most effectively. They get paid millions of dollars to do it. This is a serious business, and they are good at it. But, there is no law saying your kid needs to watch things that tell them what they want. You get to choose what normal is, and do your kids a favor by keeping cable out of your home.

2. Just Stay Away from the Toy Section

In the same way, kids can't want every toy on the shelf if they don't know what is on the shelf. Stay out of the toy sections of most stores, and they won't know every little thing that is out there. Will this save you from the occasional tantrum in the grocery store? Nope. Does it mean your child will never want toys they see at friends' houses? Nope. Is this guaranteed to save you from Elsa or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Nope. But it does make wanting stuff less a part of their regular life.

When we are at Goodwill, I will let my son pick out one thing to take home. Anywhere else, he can look, even touch, but nothing is coming home with us. The less time we spend in Target's toy aisles, the less I have to have this fight.

3. Slow Your Roll Out

My sister in law taught me this, and it is genius. When her son would get a giant pile of loot from a birthday or Christmas, she just packed a bunch back up and gave them out when he seemed bored with the last thing. After Christmas, let 2 or 3 gifts stay out, and everything else goes into storage. As the previous gifts wear out (over weeks and months), another new object can come out.

We love that feeling of abundance, that fantasy of the super full Christmas tree, but gifting that way isn't very practical and the kids can't appreciate it anyway.

Kids can only process so much at a time, so those big gift mountains seem cool, but lots of toys get lost in the shuffle. Most children do get sick of things. Instead of constantly needing new toys, you just use what they were already gifted and Christmas last much longer! Our son is too little to know the difference, and we can make one holiday last for months.

from Mum in the Madhouse

4. Make Giving a Family Tradition and Habit

At Christmastime, many families have an advent calendar with treats inside. What if this year, each member of your family gave one thing away every day in Advent. You could do it for Lent too! To teach your kids about taking better care of the Earth, you have to illustrate the act of giving. Let them pick toys to gift.every day during the holiday season, then go together as a family to give it away. Have your spring cleaning tradition include a big family day where you drop things off and donate things to charities. Let them participate with you on Buy Nothing once a month. Pick what works for you, but pick something and include your little ones.

 I whole-heartedly believe that we have to model the behavior we want to see from our children, so if you want them to be generous (and non-materialistic), then you have to make giving a regular part of life. It well help your house stay cleaner, help them assess what they really care about, and in the end could be such a fun tradition!

5. Clean Out the Toys and Clothes Every 3-6 Months and Give a Third Away

 Even two years in, I can see how quickly the toy collection flies off the rails.You receive gifts from grandparents or hand me downs from friends, and the pile gets bigger. Man, they can take over everything! The key is not only to buy less, but to clean out more, so get in there and send things off that never clicked with your kid.

Right now, The Bub is too little to really understand what is going on when I do this, but he is always present, and someday he will just think it is normal. It's not about throwing things away, it's about sharing with other people who might enjoy it more. I have gotten some of his favorite toys at Goodwill or on Buy Nothing, so I think it is my responsibility to keep putting back into these resources as well.

6. Don't Buy More Storage, Cut Out Stuff

It can be so tempting when the toys are taking over to think of more storage solutions. I get that, and I am not saying we don't have a plastic tub of toys in the basement, but before you get another toy box, book shelf, or hot wheels shelf, why not just give things away? To have a house that makes sense, you need places for everything to go. If you no longer have enough destinations for toys, maybe there are too many toys. If you have so much storage that your kid can't see all of their toys in a day, you probably have more than they need.

passed to us by a neighbor, passed on to a third child in the neighborhood

7. Swap, Borrow, and Get it Used

The difference between a minimalist lifestyle and a house full of toys is seeing possessions as temporary. Join a library and you always have a resource for new books (and a place to connect with other moms and kids). Join your local freecycle or Buy Nothing groups, you can pass kids stuff around. Just ask friends if they want to do book or toy swaps to switch things up in your house.

 I feel like as kids, we treated our toys and collections like they were essential parts of our identities, and it made it hard to let them go even as adults. But your kid can still love Frozen without having every Elsa and Anna item in the world (is that even possible? God bless Disney and their marketing genius). Only a few things can be precious, everything else should be moved around before it sticks to a spot on the shelf.

Every parent of a toddler is constantly encouraging them to share (it's tough!), but this is a way to push that a step further, treating sharing as a part of life.

8. Have Confidence They Have Enough

This is easy to say but so hard to feel. Parents right now are under constant pressure about how they manage their kids, their time, their money, everything. We can look around and see someone else who is doing a better job in various ways. We feel self-concious because that Stay at Home mom gives them so much time (and loves to talk about it). We feel frustrated because we can't give our kids everything they want. We try to compensate by giving little gifts because we can see how happy it makes our kids, even for a second.

We have to have confidence we are giving our kids what they need. Parenting is so tough, because success can me so hard to define or measure- how do you ever know if you are doing alright? Sometimes shopping is as much about ourselves as our kids, because we can at least feel certain we are providing. A bigger house or well-dressed kid makes us feel like we are filling their needs well, not just enough.

But you are doing more than enough just by caring. There isn't a void that you need to fill. It's a cliche, but your kid really does just want to be with you. Go to a playground instead of a store, and you will give them something worth remembering. Get clothes and toys used and save your money. Your kid doesn't know the difference, and you just have to keep building yourself up that you are  doing great at this job just by caring and getting in there. I don't know how to build this confidence more other than reminding ourselves, but it's a constant battle we need to fight. Buying mostly doesn't make us do a better job, but getting in there does.

9. Use What You Have

We all know kids love cardboard boxes, but it is amazing how far you can make one cardboard box go for play time. Blanket forts make amazing memories too, but this is just the tip of the iceberg.

At my job, people donate all sorts of objects that could be "art supplies" for a shopping space and classes for kids. This includes baby food jars, toilet paper rolls, flooring samples, jewelry boxes, gift wrap, broken crayons- all kinds of stuff we tend to see as junk and throw away. But you reframe that for a kid (turn the jewelry box into a robot, use the toliet paper rolls to make fireworks, make a "home" for a stuffed animal), and you can provide hours of entertainment, conversation, learning, and creativity. This isn't conjecture, it is my job and I see it all the time. Junk, when mixed with creative framing, is always an opportunity. Need a rattle? Clean and fill an old bottle with beans.

 That kind of creative play isn't always easy to come up with, so thank goodness we live in the time of pinterest. You can find so many ideas on there.

10. Slow it Down and Just Be Together

I know I am so guilty of this one. As an introvert parent of an extreme extrovert, I often feel desperate for a minute to just catch my breath (or check my email), and some days I know I don't enjoy the time with my kid as much as I should. I feel sometimes like toys are partially just tools to give parents a minute.

Whenever an older generation parent tells me "Oh it goes so fast," I try hard not to roll my eyes. Really? Because this sleep deprivation is making everything move in slow motion.

But there is a lot of wisdom in the suggestion to let things go and slow down to our kids' speed. It doesn't mean we don't get those minutes or that we don't deserve a break while working and parenting, but when you are going to be there, really be there.

 The Bub and I have literally spent hours (this week) playing with a baseball hat and a pair of kitchen tongs. Even with older kids, you don't need many objects to have a perfectly great time. Go for a walk. Go to a playground. Just listen to them. Children are just tiny human beings, and they just want heard like everyone else. A game of tag (or robot tag) can be more fun than any toy, so the more you can focus when the quality time comes, the fewer things you need.



So there you have it, buy less and give more. Change the goals and you may just raise kids who aren't as caught up in this consumerist minefield we are all trying to navigate right now. We both know it creates a lot more work, a tremendous number of problems, and very little of the happiness or solutions that we are constantly promised. We can protect our children's futures from waste and from that constant want by shifting our attitudes now. Let's give ourselves a freaking break and give our kids less.

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It's Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month!

Why should you care about Ovarian Cancer? September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness month, and this disease certainly warrants our attention. Ovarian Cancer is not one of the most common cancers effecting women (it only makes up about 3% statistically), but it is one of the most difficult to diagnose, and for that reason, one of the ones with the highest mortality rates.

Early diagnosis is so difficult that often by the time the cancer is found, it has already grown through the abdomen and may no longer even qualify as purely Ovarian Cancer. Aunt Ann was in this position when they found her tumor. She was 48. It has been a tough battle, but she is kicking cancer's butt. Her experience may have been totally different with earlier diagnosis, but this is not a real possibility yet. 

The American Cancer Society predicts that about 21,000 women will be diagnosed with Ovarian cancer this year, and about 14,000 will die from it (so 60%). In comparison, almost 300,000 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer or carcinoma in situ (the earliest phase of breast cancer), and about 40,000 will die from it (so about 13%). The numbers are much smaller, but the treatment is less successful.One of the reasons for this is that the average age of Ovarian Cancer diagnosis is relatively late in life (their 60's), but where other cancers have made a lot of progress, the mortality rate for this cancer has only fallen a very small amount.  In other words, it may seem like a less significant disease than breast cancer, but it still causes incredible damage, and it receives a tiny fraction of the research support.

You can learn all about Ovarian Cancer, it's symptoms, treatment, etc. on the American Cancer Society website. Though it has a lot of information, if you poke around long enough, you might notice there aren't as many opportunities to directly volunteer or contribute to Ovarian cancer. You will also read that early detection of this disease is less common, that its symptoms are easily mistaken for other problems until the cancer has traveled through the abdomen, and that papsmeres will not detect it. They most often use ultrasounds and CA-125 tests to keep an eye out for it in high risk women, but even that has not been proven with research yet. Researchers continue to look for options for early diagnosis, but they haven't gotten there yet.

So what is there for you to do? First, know your own family history and be ready to keep an eye out. This one is a sneaky one, but be sure to talk to your lady doctor about it, so you can be aware of your choices. Aunt Ann's daughter Shelly is going to get ultrasounds regularly to be on the lookout.

Think about donating to research or volunteering for Ovarian Cancer. This is freaking hard to do, but the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition is a great place to start if you are looking to run a race for Ovarian Cancer or to do some other fundraising for this cause. They have started the "Run to Break the Silence on Ovarian Cancer" which is still growing, but may be in a city near you. You may also be able to find a chapter to volunteer!

Building awareness can also be done- this group in Massachusetts has fundraisers and awareness events planned. If this is really close to your heart, maybe you could write them to start a branch in your own area? Because it is so rare, people may not pay much attention to this cancer, but with some solidarity and awareness, there might be a decrease in such late diagnosis.

I think groups are getting more pro-active about how the information can be shared and activated by the public after the ALS challenge (to mention another disease that is nasty and cruel, but often receives little attention). At Whyteal.org, you can get infographics to share on your wall or even try to start off your own viral activism.

30 Days of Teal- Ack! Alright, clearly I am about 24 days late to this party, but the Ovarian Cancer National Alliance is really onto something here. If you want to get involved, they have a lot of options and ideas every day.

So this week on the blog is devoted to Ovarian Cancer and the amazing women putting up a battle against (especially Sargent Ann!) it. I think this is an area where we could do better, and even if you don't know someone personally who has struggled with this cancer, everyone knows how important early detection is for the cancer battle, and it just isn't available here yet. I am going to keep thinking about how to help in this fight, and I will let you know what I come up with.

Do you know anyone who has Ovarian Cancer? What do you think are the most effective ways to spread awareness about cancer?

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10 Moments You Have Living Far Away from Home Longterm

1. The first 24 hours of a visit, where everyone has forgotten how annoying you are and seem genuinely happy to see you- When we get back, our niece and nephew are so excited, because they know we will play with them. They forget all the times we have to leave or we just want to sit and talk to their grandma. A lot of our personality sins (lateness, crazy schedules, know-it-alls, eventually getting tired at Simon Says) are temporarily forgotten in the warm light of memory. This visit has the potential to be the best yet (vacations work the same way- the first 24 hours are almost always the best), and this is one of the nicest parts of living far away. 

2.The last 24 hours of a visit, where everyone is sick of your bullshit and wants to get back to their normal life-We leave our shit everywhere, we are always on the run (though in our defense, if you want our undivided attention, you know where to find us the other 47 weeks of the year), and we are never around when we are supposed to be.  We are a weird kind of visitor, because we used to be familiar, but we are still visitors, disrupting the usual routine. By the end of trips, we can usually tell people just want their cars/ space/ time back. For the last 3 Christmases, we have said we shouldn't stay so long on the day we leave, because everyone is so solidly sick of us by then. It's a tough balance to find, and when I figure it out, I will let you know.

3. That moment where you call the place you live currently home, but you know it isn't home home- If you can go to the grocery store without anyone asking about a family member or seeing someone you really don't want to see, you aren't home (on the other hand, you could buy any weird thing you want, and your grandma won't find out about it later in the week). 

4. That moment where you meet someone from the same region and are filled with radiant joy- Everytime I see Steelers clothing, I get excited, and who cares about sports. I got even more excited last week to see a Pirates poster in a neighbor's window, because you really have to be from the area to like the Pirates. They don't attract many fair weather fans. In my graduate program, one of my colleagues was from Altoona, and we spent hours waxing poetic and Sheetz hot dogs and Smiley cookies. I am psyched when someone can tell I am from Western PA because of my diction. What you realize when you live away from home is that you still belong to that place, so you connect with people who have similar experiences. I notice this with my Sicilian Father-in-law as well, who has deep and important connections with people who also immigrated from Italy.

This joy is like tenfold when people come to visit. It is the awesomest.Your visits are basically my favorite thing in the world.

5. That moment where you are shocked that some people don't think Red Lobster is the height of fanciness- And on the flipside, when you are telling a family member about that cool restaurant you just went to, and you can see in their eyes they think you are a doushe. And you know they are a little bit right, because you probably would be happier to go back to Red Lobster. Mmm cheddar biscuits.

6. That moment when you realize that you are missing the hard work of being present, and that the person you are looking at has no idea how hard being absent is- I still know that being there all the time has its own work, even if it seems like I have forgotten. It forces you to be consistent, to show up for ALL of the moments that aren't that fun, and to be expected to make food on holidays (eeek). You also can have opinions on the total lack of jobs there, but you don't have to feel personally responsible for growing the city's opportunities (though I wonder how much millenial guilt there is about leaving hometowns). You feel selfish, because we grew up in a space where you take care of the people and places that took care of you, and you aren't participating in that anymore. You want that sometimes boring work, because it makes everything else mean something and what makes communities great, but the entries to this get slimmer as the time grows longer. It is hard to not eventually grow sad and bitter about these things (at least for me, who reads it all as these series of rejections, even if the root of the problem is my own doing), but I am trying to be intentional about that, because I don't want to live with that bitterness forever.

Coming back to your small town feels a little like coming back from the dead every couple of months. This is the sad realization that you weren't really missed.  People have moved on without you. Time has marched on without you. People still miss you, but its like one tiny puzzle piece of their life is gone, and they can mostly live without it. You, on the other hand, spend most of your days feeling like a lone puzzle piece wrongly shuffled into another box.

7. That moment where you realize you may be selfish, but at least you have the courage to make a fool out of yourself basically daily- You find yourself standing at an art opening where a few people are naked but fisherman's hats. Or you spend a Saturday afternoon watching laser light shows set to Motown music in a planetarium. Or you meet someone for Thai food for lunch. Or for the millionth time, you introduce yourself to someone completely new and try to strike up a conversation. When your comfort zone is so far away that all bets are off, and that makes living far away kind of fun and cool.

8. That moment where you can no longer think of a major airport you haven't slept on the floor of- Why have I gotten to Pennsylvania by way of Atlanta? Or Boston? Eventually, you have even seen all the scenic routes, and you have very specific opinions on your favorite airports, primarily based on whether they have a really efficient Jamba Juice, a cool light show, or a Pizza Hut/ Hagen Daaz combo. You also have ones you hate, based on their benches, their weird pretzel smells, or their total lack of moving walkways (I am looking at you Phoenix, what the hell). You know you have lived away from home too long if you know exactly which airports I am referring to.

9. That moment when you walk back into your own space and can really appreciate that you are making a teeny tiny home for yourself- Even if you live many zipcodes away, the home you make feels way better than all that empty spaces in between this transience and home's permanence (sorry Nebraska). Everyone is there, if just in pictures and spirit, and that can be great too. It can be encouraging and exciting to feel like we have our own little thing going on. Plus, this is also the moment you get off the supershuttle, so life is really good.

10.  That moment when you realize, in horror, that unless you do something, your kids may not know their cousins well, they may not ever get to spend Christmas in their own beds, and they may not understand how great it is to grow up in a small town- I grapple with these questions, of what we may be robbing our kids of, all the time. I don't know the answer, except that I am learning day by day that the fact that our family looks different than the ones we grew up in isn't necessarily a bad thing. Growing up in a small town builds a love for tradition, a deep commitment to family and friends, and establishing a strong sense of who you are, but if you have to leave, it can make you feel all the more vulnerable out in the world. It's a tricky question for sure, and if you know the answer, let us know.

I know this comes off as negative, but it really is just being honest about a state of living I know a lot of people have been stuck in. I am really grateful to have these adventures, but I also miss home so much. Looking forward to being back in PA tomorrow night!

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Tips for Keeping a Family or Couple's Yearbook

One of my favorite parts of our anniversary is pulling out our photo books from previous years and reflecting on the year we have just had. I think we will always look at the one I made for our wedding on our wedding anniversary, but that whole week (our wedding anniversary is the 25th and our anniversary is the 29th), we pull out old books to reflect. A few weeks later, our new book will come in that orange shutterfly box  (I know other people use Blurb, but my Shutterfly loyalty currently runs pretty deep).

I started making us year books as an anniversary gift way back around year 4 of our relationship (I don't count it as a gift anymore, because it is as much for me as for the Boy). For me, these books are a huge part of maintaining our own little family culture and preserving our history in a way we can manage, much easier to navigate than the THOUSANDS of pictures I take every year.

 As I look at them lined up like that, it seems narcissistic, and honestly, maybe it is, but I think it will continue to transform as our immediate family grows, and I am glad the early years of our relationship are captured for us to remember. The books serve as a good reminder that the years or days don't always have to be the most exciting or eventful to be important to you. It just goes back to treating your life and your relationship like they are meaningful, and that attitude encourages more meaningful events. It's true!

I know people have the intention to do this kind of thing, but sometimes it can be hard to keep up with. After seven years of doing it, I have a few tips that may help:

-Take pictures! Not just with your phone! Though the convenience of camera phones certainly appeals, the problem is you end up with relatively low quality images that don't print that well. They drive me crazy when I have to use them for family calendars, because no matter how great they are, they have to be teeny tiny.

You don't have to have a massive camera, just keep a point and shoot with you when you go out and (maybe more important) out and available when you are home! It can be hard to make it part of your routine, but the more everyone gets on board with it, the more you will be glad you did.

-Steal other people's pictures of the memories you share with them- I have mostly stopped posting our personal pictures on facebook, but I still try to post our times with family in case family members want that picture as well. Stealing others pictures can give you a more full picture of holidays (and if you are like me, might be the only chance to prove you were actually there!) Repeat after me; Right click- Save Picture As- Put a Date as the title- Save.

- Organize your photographs (by Date and Subject) as you upload them- I don't have a good reputation for being organized (and rightly so) but I keep my photo archive meticulous. When I upload my pictures, I label them like this: "7-4-2014 Fourth of July" or "4-25-2014 Boring Week with Hats." Go through them right away and throw away anything that is blurry/ not great.

- Pick a start date that is meaningful to you. January is actually a tough place to start because you have just established a bunch of new goals plus not much is going on. December is an even more difficult time to finish, because life is crazy around the holidays (not to mention, if you are like me, you have a bunch of other photo gifts to make that time of year).

 I love using our anniversary as a start and end date. I love it even more as our family starts to expand, because I don't want to forget that our relationship was the start and should remain one of the centers of our family. If you have kids, you could also do it around the school year. Or start it at the beginning of every summer? Don't feel tied to the calendar year.

-Pick your photos at least once a month- I make a new folder "Year # Book", and I put my favorite pictures from each event, the ones I would want in our book, into that folder. Even if I don't make the actual pages until weeks or months after the event, it is so much simpler than trying to make those choices and upload at the same time.

-And while you are at it, just make the book as you go- I love Shutterfly because you can save your projects on their website and just keep coming back to it. This can be a big project, but I think it is better to think of it as a long commitment. You put a little bit of time in a couple of times over 12 months rather than trying to organize your whole life once a year. Plus, if you do it as you go, you don't have trouble remembering why you took that picture.

I usually dig in to making pages after big events. I usually do the majority of the fall before Thanksgiving, because I know I will have a lot more pictures to go through after the holidays, and I tackle all of that later in January when things calm down. Doing it all at once would be a daunting task, but if you start putting things together as you go, it becomes a half hour- hour commitment every so often instead. 

-Pick a style that feels good at the time- The choices you make, no matter what they are, will be fine as long as you are telling your story. As you go, you will come up with strategies you like, and your style will change a lot (for us, the pages are more complex, and the book is both bigger and longer than when we started)! The first book is from 2009, and the second is 2013, so you can see how much I have changed. I think my books are getting better, but not really that much better, just different. I can't imagine how many styles we will go though by 20 years or 50!

-If you love the picture, make it big! Even if you don't have tons of pictures, you can still fill up a book with a few key pictures. Christmas can be a 2 page spread, or it can take up 10 pages. It doesn't even have to be chronological! No one makes the rules but you. Shutterfly standard books are 20 pages long, but you can add up to 90 pages. I usually use almost all of them, but you should pace it however makes sense for you.

-Remember to capture everyday life too- I saw this great idea on someone else's blog. Crown one day a "regular day" and capture it from start to finish, so you can give a more clear picture of what life looked like when it wasn't a holiday or special event. It can be easy to forget that low key times matter too, but sometimes the best moments happen when life is a little more laid back!

-Write some text to explain what is going on, what was said, what the joke is- I see lots of these books on pinterest that look really design-y and cool, but I just think that you may be forfeiting more than you realize. You don't think you will forget now, but you will. Write the stories. I use three fonts- a 30-60 size fonts for headings, a 20-30 size font for sub-headings, and usually something around 12 for captions (because I figure our eyes will get worse). Shutterfly and other stores have pre-set styles if you want to just pick one and keep it simple. But trust me, you want text.

-Pick your favorite moments- One of my favorite pages is the very last one I make, where the Boy and I talk about our favorite moments from the year. We just started doing this since we got married. We list 10-12 times that were especially meaningful or fun, and I think it will bring a lot of joy in the future to go just through those pages.

- Enjoy it- This is a task that should be fun, so don't agonize over it. After all, I think it is so fun and exciting to reflect. It's a great exercise in gratitude!

- Wait for sales! If you are going to use Shutterfly, know that they put everything on sale OFTEN, so you don't have to order it the second you finish it. Keep an eye out for a good sale on photobooks AND extra pages (if you are like me and end up using a ton), and order it once you find a price you like.

I hope this helps you feel like this is a totally achievable goal! If you have any advice or questions for me, feel free to ask!

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