Wedding Wednesday- Where to Donate your Wedding Dress

taken by first blush photos

Whether you got married 3 weeks ago or 30 years ago, you may very well still have your dress sitting in a closet somewhere. This is one of those things that tends to get carried from house to house. Some of us have a lot of emotional attachment to the dress. Some of us have hopes that a family member will want to wear it someday (though I think if you got married during the age of super synthetic dresses, the odds are low). Some of us just don't know how to get rid of it, because throwing it out feels wrong.

Wedding dresses are a pretty environmentally tricky purchase- you spend a lot of money on something that will only be used once. I know I looked at lots of used dresses, but never had the nerve to buy one that way. Now, I think I might have gone about it differently. I did end up with a dress I loved, but in the end, I am not sure it made that huge of a difference.

This blog covers a lot of territory on shopping more ethically, but one of the most eco-friendly things you can do is to have less and to get rid of things in an ethical way. Sure, maybe someday your daughter will want to wear your wedding dress (she won't) but in that time, that dress could have lived multiple lives or multiple weddings. In an ideal world, we would all be way more willing to let things go, because the more used stuff is out there, the more we can all invest in secondhand instead of more brand new stuff that will land in a landfill.

So, the question becomes, where can you offload that wedding dress?

First, you could sell it online for yourself, make a little money back, and help out another bride. Here are some options:

Once Wed was my favorite place to browse dresses, and I think you can resell decor as well. Honestly, if I could do it all again, I would probably buy a dress from here.

Preowned Wedding Dresses is probably the most commonly used, though I tried to sell a dress on here and it never worked out. Still, if you have a recent dress that someone can still go to the store and try on, you might have a lot more luck than I did.

Second, you could donate it to an organization that will sell it secondhand to help make them money (my favorite idea, but you do you). Some ideas:

Adorned in Grace, based in Northern Oregon and Southern Washington, sells bridal and formal wear (so maybe somewhere to donate all those bridesmaid dresses?) to raise money to help women once caught in human trafficking and to raise awareness of the epically huge problem. Pretty awesome cause if you ask me. Your dress gets a second life, AND you get to help other women. So cool. I think I will send a few old prom and bridesmaid dresses their way.

Angel Gowns breaks your heart and makes you feel better about the universe at the same time. These organizations take donated wedding gowns and turn them into dresses for stillborn babies or babies that pass away. If your dress is older and you don't think some of the other organizations would want them, look into the multiple angel gown organizations to give a special gift to parents going through something truly awful.

Brides Across America is incredibly cool because it doesn't sell your dress, it gives it away to a military bride planning their wedding (a big challenge when your fiance is serving far away). This charity has given away wedding gowns to 12,000  brides in events all over the country. What a cool way to say thank you. They only accept dresses five years old or younger, so stop wringing your hands and go for it already.

The Bridal Garden- If you are shopping or donating in the New York City area (looking at you, Kleinfeld shoppers), the Bridal Garden sells wedding dresses to benefit underserved children in the New York area. Give them your dress or start your shopping there instead of the big salons.

Brides for a Cause is a huge and very successful consignment salon that sells their dresses "for charity" It felt a little vague to me (ok, a cause, but which one?), but they do donate to Brides Across America right now, so you are still contributing to a very positive mission by donating your dress to them. I love it.

Brides for Haiti sells your dresses to raise money for Saint Joseph's Parish's charitable work in Haiti. Looks a little trickier in terms of shipping, but otherwise great!

The Brides Project in Toronto sells the donated dresses with the profits all going to cancer charities; this store has already put 600,000 dollars into cancer charities! That's awesome!

Success in Style is a Baltimore-based organization that gives out of work individuals wardrobes to help in their business lives. They have a consignment store to fund their mission, and now they accept wedding gowns for their wedding consignment store Cherie Amor.

Wish Upon a Wedding gifts weddings and vow renewals to men and women (regardless of sexual orientation, which I think is especially important) suffering from terminal illnesses. I am looking around, and I am not positive they still accept dresses, but if you can't donate your dress, you could still sell it and donate the proceeds.

I know I have a dress I bought on super clearance panic(like 70% off?) that has been sitting in a closet since 2012. I am offering it on Buy Nothing, but if there aren't any bites, it is moving on to one of these charities. I am not sure if I am ready to have my wedding dress see the same fate, but I am seriously thinking about it.

When you see all these things your dress can do, it seems like it is really underperforming in your closet, right? I know I struggle with the idea of parting with my dress, and I don't know if I will muster the courage or not, but the more dresses get multiple uses (and do all these wonderful things for people who need them) the better for everyone.

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Emily's Spring boho wedding in the prettiest 1940s vintage dress

Dear Reader,

Who doesn't love a Spring wedding? The first glimpses of sunnier days, longer evenings and early Spring flowers are such simple pleasures.

Simply boho, Emily in the prettiest 1940s wedding dress

And perhaps the very best Spring weddings are the ones that keep it simple (and it surely helps that Spring weddings don't need to be expensive!) Here, showing us how to do it SO beautifully, is one of my favourite real vintage brides, Emily... 

Emily's 1930s / 1940s wedding dress with its pretty Peter Pan collar.

In her pretty late 1930s / early 1940s vintage wedding dress, complete with adorable Peter Pan collar, gorgeous pixie crop and bright flower headpiece, Emily is a picture of charm and happiness. 

Vintage wedding dresses are perfect for a simple Spring wedding.

In Emily's words…

"A big thank you for all your help in finding and creating such a beautiful wedding dress for me! We had a fantastic day in April, and I got lots of compliments on my stunning and unusual dress."

Spring flowers for a chic and boho look. 

"I'd recommend Heavenly Vintage Brides to anyone looking for a vintage wedding dress."

She and Peter let their simple, fuss–free style speak for itself. With just a few brighter–than–bright paper pompoms for decor, echoing the colours of the flowers. 

Here's Emily's words of wisdom, on how they made their day so special…

"My advice would be to not get too worked up about it all. Easier said than done, I know! There's a lot of pressure on couples, and especially women, to make the perfect day and for everything to somehow represent you both as a couple. Not everything has to mean something, you’ll probably make some random decisions because you don’t want to devote your whole life to organising a wedding. The most important thing is that you are marrying the person that you love, and that you’re committed to the marriage ahead."

I was delighted to come across Emily and Peter's wedding featured on Boho Weddings recently, a great blog with lots of advice about planning a boho or vintage wedding. If you'd like to see more, you can check it out here.

Thanks too, to Benjamin Mathers for his wonderful photography.
Love
Helena
Heavenly Vintage Brides

If you'd like to see more, beautiful original 1930s and 1940s 
wedding dresses for sale please check out my Etsy store here.

And to see more gorgeous real vintage brides, why not Like 
my Facebook page here.

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Wedding Wednesday- How to Save on Wedding Decorations

Oy, wedding costs! You go into it with a vision, and then slowly, that vision can be chipped away just by the shrinking amount still left in the budget. Before you are really planning, you spend a lot of time plotting decorations and cool details, but those are often the things that get cut for the sake of the event as a whole. Some of that is inevitable, but I do think there are cool ways to approach decorations that can save you BIG money.

Even better, if you shift your approach to the stuff you buy for the wedding, you can save things from landfills and create less waste. So many of these decor pieces are used one night only, but if they are shared between many couples, they can have much longer and happier lives.

1. Let the Space do the Work- You picked your venues for a reason. Start with that premise and just let the beauty of your wedding and reception spaces shine through. If it's already a good-looking spot, you may not need much. Don't pick a theme that doesn't fit the room, and you have already saved yourself tons of money.

2. Focus on Lighting (and someone can always lend you lights)- If I had to decorate a whole reception with one item, it would be white twinkly lights. Lighting sets the mood, makes everything look intentional (even when it isn't), and adds that magical thing. Even better, you can almost always find lighting as a rental or used. Twice this summer, I have seen brides gifted tons of Christmas lights for their weddings on Buy Nothing. If you do get lights lent to you, be sure to mark who each strand belongs to. Otherwise, you can get this high impact item for very cheap or even free.

3. DIY it- I love browsing the decoration ideas on Etsy, but I am often struck how many of the things on there can just be made- you don't need to buy them! Sparkly branches? Glue, glitter, and a walk in the woods. Tissue paper flowers? Buy some bulk tissue paper and wire. Peg doll cake topper? Paint that business yourself. We made our escort cards from paint swatches- it doesn't have to be expensive to be memorable and fun.

 When you buy decor, you are paying for time and skill. Work ahead so you have the time, and you can self-assess which skills are within your wheelhouse. You can a little bit of money go a lot further this way! Only trick is to plan ahead!

4. Focal Points over Details- I have seen so many weddings where there were fussy centerpiece things at the table but nowhere to look in the room. Make a few spots really worth looking at and don't bother trying to make every corner beautiful. People will only remember a handful of things anyway.

5. Multi-task- Use your favors or cake or guests as decor. You have millions of choices dependent on your favor, but it's a nice way to have something do double duty. I went to a wedding last year where the cakes were the centerpieces, which saves tons of money on flowers, and you get more time with cake, so who can complain? Stepping out of the box even a little might help you figure out how to make what you are already paying for a key part of the room.

6. Everything Doesn't Have to Match Perfectly- Matchy matchy can be great if you are meticulous, but a little variation never hurt anyone. One of my best friends is very detail-oriented and got all the colors to match perfectly at her wedding. And it looked amazing, but it doesn't have to go that way. If you can find 40 free plates that look one way and 50 that look another, and they both fit, just use them both. It's more important to have a set sense of style than an overly particular matching set mentality. That sense of style and vision for the big picture is what will have the impact in the end.

7. And Please Don't Monogram your Napkins- Why. Why. Why. Why is this even still a thing? If you are doing the little cocktail napkins, by all means, get them in a color that resonates with your scheme (even better, get them recycled from a company like Susty). But why is this insta-garbage a good time to remind people whose wedding they are attending? No one has forgotten, and honestly, it is never all that classy. Put your money into other details, and then whatever you don't use can be for another couple or your dinner parties. Put the date on your favors, and skip the rest.

8. Get It Used- This is the most cost-effective AND eco-friendly thing you can do for your wedding decorations. So many wedding decorations become one time use things, and I hate to think of all the perfectly useful objects that get thrown out. But the bright side is you can find so much out there if you just know where to look and don't mind some browsing.

You can find great used decorations:

Newlyweds- We all know these big life events happen in waves. If you have friends getting married before you, check and see what you can get off their hands once they are hitched. We definitely gave decorations away to the Boy's beloved cousin, and our lights to the high school for dances. Your friends will have stuff they are happy to part with. Doesn't perfectly match? Get creative about what you can stretch to fit or change the color of and then offer the rest to others. After your hitched you can pay the favor forward!

On Buy Nothing- Have you joined your local Buy Nothing Project yet? I have seen it all on there- people offering their table runners to other asking for (and receiving) tons of glass vases for their center pieces. Check with your Buy Nothing and you could save 100's of dollars.

Goodwill and other Consignment Stores- Sometimes, this kind of shopping is a bust, but if you know what you need, you might find a steal. Also, lots of cities have craft consignment stores that might sell the ribbon or fabric you need as well.

Online Resale sites- Thank goodness for the internet, because you can now find everything you would ever want to decorate with used. Cheaper, convenient, and keeping things out of landfills? Amazing.

Ruffled is an absolute treasure, and you can find so many gorgeous things on their "Recycle your Wedding" pages. They have at least a thousand items, so it's a lot to go through, but you are sure to find something.  Make sure to check the price against the brand new cost, and don't be afraid to ask them to lower it a little (I mean, what else are they going to do with 100 extra mason jars?) Browse often, because things are going up all the time! You can find a steal on beautiful decorations.I may actually buy some things from them for a non-matrimonial party.

Tradesy- Tradesy started as wedding only, but they have had enough success to branch out. They have all kinds of wedding stuff, from bridesmaid dresses to wedding papers, but their decorations section is especially amazing and well-organized. They have 5,500+ items up right now! Easier to browse than most of the other sites as well. Be sure to join their mailing list so you get even more money off.

Wedding Recycle- This website also has lots of selection (about 3000 items) and they are connected to the Can't Buy me Love Project, where you donate wedding dresses that can be given away to brides who otherwise couldn't afford them. Pretty cool.

So you may be overwhelmed with the amount of money you have already spent nailing down the DJ and planning with the caterer. I don't blame you- weddings are expensive! But decorations is an area that with a little creativity, you can make huge impact with a little bit of money.

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Wedding Wednesday- Why I'm Excited about my Groomzilla or The Perks of Co-ed Planning

I have been shocked in the last few weeks how many people have reacted with pity when I mention how involved and invested the Boy has been in the planning of our wedding. I certainly think they are entitled to their opinion, and obviously what works for them works for them, but I personally think it is awesome we live in an age where it should be perfectly great for a groom to care too. Because if you still think it is weird for a guy to care about things that are usually considered for women (exceptions being breastfeeding, menstruation, etc), you are a sexist. No joke. By suggesting men shouldn't care about these things, you are both doing them a disservice (the best example here would be emotional literacy, which is still a big issue in masculinity) AND deeming it less worthy of their attention. I call bullshit. If the wedding is the gateway drug into your marriage, he should care in some form or another. Because it is not the 50's, and it is his marriage too. I'm super bored with all these fake constructions of uninvested masculinity. If he really doesn't care about the traditional wedding, you should do something that he likes too. Elope. Do something super small. If he really doesn't seem to care about any of it at all, why would you marry him? Rant over.

 They also seem pretty shocked that, generally speaking, he is much more committed to getting things right in the details than I am, even though that is very true to our personalities. He is the consummate hard worker and perfectionist, whereas I bring a lot of the imagination and ideas. This is only one reason that I am really lucky to have a groom who is planning with me, and I can think of quite a few more:

from lifestyle.ca.msn.com/weddings

1. It has been really fun- Other than a few tiffs here and there, it has been really fun to do all of the wedding stuff together. Yes, it means I have had to edit some things I was originally sad about, but let's face it, had I had my way completely, people would be going to a circus wedding in 10 days. Not that it would have been a bad thing, but it wouldn't have been his thing.

2. Communication styles are different, in a good way- I am a pushover. I feel unbelievably grateful that people want to help us and I try to constantly ask for the bare minimum because I am sure they are dreading every second of helping (even though I never feel that way when the shoe is on the other foot). It's a Greene thing. On the other hand, The Boy asks for exactly what he wants from people helping. Exactly. I help him remember to be thankful, and he helps us get a lot more done. At the same time, he hates actually calling to people or speaking to them in person, which is not so traumatic to me. No matter what, your partner should be able to cover for you in some of the things you aren't so crazy about. And even if you both hate the same stuff, you get to do 50% less.

3. He cares about stuff that I know matters, but am fine with him dealing with- Oh seating chart, I was sure you would haunt my dreams, and instead, I barely worried about you. God bless fiances who know all the corners of Microsoft Excel spreadsheets.

4. I always have someone to bounce ideas off of, and it is never treated as unimportant or frivolous- This is the one I would have the most trouble with otherwise. I understand some of what I want is ridiculous and has literally no bearing on whether we will eventually be married. But damn it, I want to make everybody a bracelet! It is very nice to never feel stupid about wanting things to be great.

5. Takes some of the pressure off- The Boy knows how everything is supposed to be, and he is willing to put a good stink up about it. This means I shouldn't be the only person available to answer questions in decorating. Even better, he has a much better chance of having some sassy moments toward the end, so hopefully that will split the attention more evenly.

6. It gets to be another thing that we did together, much like many other things- I like that this is just another goal to set and accomplish together, rather than an epic culmination or something, it just feels like a slightly heightened version of a lot of things we have done before. I think that helps it from getting too out of control stressful. There still feels like there is life after the wedding.

7. We got to enjoy the whole thing together- Did I mention its been fun? Right now, the Boy is still in California, and I think he is sad to miss some of this last minute craziness, because mostly it has been a good excuse to spend time with our loved ones. That is always a good time and never a bad thing.

8. The Wedding will actually look like both of us- This is no hot pink sparkle princess extravaganza. I brought the color and he brought the neutrals. I brought the craziness and he brought the order. I have no idea whether any of it will work yet or not (obviously), but I know whatever crazy mess it is, it is made out of both of our crazy heads.

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100 Things I Love this Week Part 3- Wedding Stuff

 

51. Jill at Shear Expressions in Franklin PA- If you need an updo for any reason and you are in Franklin, you would do yourself a big favor to go to Jill. She is so fast and she does a really beautiful job. I am so glad that we went to Shear Expressions for our wedding hair-I have been in plenty of wedding where the hair made things run behind, but they went so fast that we actually started the day ahead of schedule! It was a wedding miracle!

 

52. My whole Bridal Party's hair- I mostly just let the girls do what they wanted, and everyone looked so beautiful. I hope they felt that way too, because who likes not feeling pretty when you put the effort in? I thought they all looked gorgeous!

 

53. Princess Cupcake Charm- A Little nod to original wedding theme (Disney Princess/ Seven Deadly Sins at the FHS Track with a wheelbarrow and Celine Dion). Mostly, they fell apart or got lost, because apparently the charms weren't made to actually be used, but they still made me happy. And I got to kick mine to Shell once it fell off.

 

54. Technology- There is a lot to be said about Aunt Ann not being there, but being there for decorating, for getting ready, for the ceremony, and for the reception. Even if she just looked like a phone with a pretty cool white cover. I know it's not the same as the real thing, but it is a whole lot better than nothing, so I will be thankful for it forever and ever. 

 

55. Getting honked at by cars- it cracked me up. It will probably never happen again for a happy reason, not a mad reason, so I enjoyed it.  

  

56. Getting our picture taken on my grampa's antique firetruck- My grammy was not too excited about the idea when I asked her, but both she and my Grampa looked pretty excited about it on the day, and getting those pictures there will mean more to me than pictures at some random place that is just photogenic. I am lucky that people will humor me!

 

57. Having liturgy we really cared about, and a priest who really seemed to care about us- I loved that Bishop Sean was so open to our changes in the liturgy, because the politics inherent in their wording meant so much to me. He was also extremely caring in the last few weeks leading up to the wedding. But one of the very best surprises of the day was  Bishop Sean's homily. I didn't know it, but I had taught a devotional on one of the same texts we chose, so he spoke about what i had said as this high schooler on a mission trip and applied it to some of the things we had insisted our wedding was about. It was an important reminder of the things that matter to me, which surprisingly haven't changed that much since I was 18. It was just incredibly special, and I will remember it forever.

 

58. The Boy's cousins at the wedding- Is it a pleasure for every bride to see their new in-laws get into the party? Because if only Josephine and Nonno had danced, I think on some level the party would have been a success. I felt it was a major win that they all at least seemed like they were having a good time. 

 

59. These asparagus- this is definitely in the top ten wedding decisions we ever made. They were delicious, and phyllo-y, and cheesy, and amazing. And my Nana was the best and saved me some. I only have good things to say about all of our vendors, but JPC was really the bomb and the food was ridiculously delicious. I didn't hear any complaints. And if someone had complained about the asparagus I would have made them leave! (I kid) 

60. And while we are on the subject of how awesome JPC is, I have to say I loved all the flowers too. They really made some gorgeous miniature centerpieces and I loved our bouquets as well. I was just so happy to see how beautiful they turned out, and I loved all the little vessels they dug up for the flowers as well. I have to say, no that I am slowly gaining some perspective on the event, having great vendors really makes a world of difference, and pretty much all of ours were the bomb.

 

61. Marrying into a family where the Cousins will lovingly help me pick the bugs out  of my dress- The thing turned out to be a bit of a cesspool. But a very pretty one, so I won't complain too much. And I love the Boy's cousins Kristy and Kari, who got in there and picked them out.

 

 62. Chalk and big fluffy white dresses- Mostly I am just happy they talked her into wearing that thing at all, because when we tried it on her she was not having it. Even a little. She apparently freaked out the morning of the wedding too, but with a little encouragement from her dad, she held it together, and she rocked the dress most of the day. Pretty much the cutest kids in the whole world. 

63. Bullyhill Brass- Hearing "Wolverine Blues," even from a distance across Anchor Village, just makes me smile.  Same with "Just a Closer Walk with Thee." The sounds of these guys playing are just pure happiness and home to me.

 

64. Doing family pictures at Cocktail Hour- Sure it made things a little more frantic, but it also marked out a chunk of time with each branch of the family once everyone is already feeling festive and fun rather than stuffy. I would highly recommend this strategy to people who really don't want to spend their day stuck in the church taking pictures. 

 

65. Cornhole- My nana and Poppop made the set and it was a big hit I think. I never got to play at the party, but it looked like someone was always playing! 

66. This man's dancing- Amazing.

 

67. Jeremy Ganss- I think I will write specific notes for all the vendors later, but JG didn't even play ABBA, and I still love him. He was on point all night, never played one of those songs that cleared the floor, and genuinely seemed to be having a good time himself, which makes a big difference. Best DJ ever!

 

68. Also, our photographers. They made us robot heads, and they were amazing.They also actually already put up a blog of our pictures, which was totally unexpected, but is why we can show some of those pictures here! Check out the blog at http://www.firstblushphotos.com/blog/?p=1435 !

69. The Photo Booth Pictures! We got these back the next day and I love them so much they make me want to cry. I am just so happy to see everyone having a good night and I wish I had just camped out in there all night! My biggest regret (well, tied with that I never fixed my bangs!) is that I didn't get in here with my cousins.

70.  The lego cardbox- it turned out to be a real tour de force. I am pretty sure no one has ever seen a cardbox like this one, so I am pretty excited it came out so weird and wonderful. Well done to the Boy and all his brothers, biological and honorary!

 

71.  Reuniting with former tutors! Just seeing all these faces made me smile, and they were such a fun addition to the wedding and reception. Hoping that things go according to plan, and this wedding kicks off real planning for an annual tutor reunion!

 

72. Glow Bracelets- Why do they make people so happy? I truly have no idea, but man, they were all over them. Definitely a good investment.  

   

73. Our dance floor! My dream was that it would look glowy and magical, and it looked glowy and magical. Kudos to my dad and pretty much everyone at decorating for making it happen, but as the sun went down it became really clear that we had made something awesome! I was pretty excited about how it all turned out, not to toot my own horn, but this was one of the coolest parts of the party, I think.

74. Having my Bridal F-ing Powers for one day- I never really got into the center of attention thing, but I did love that badass things can happen when you are a bride! After the reception my dad realized he had lost his car keys, and after excessive collective fretting, a call to AAA, and lots of walking around with cell phone lights, I was walking out to talk to my dad and I just stepped on them. It was AWESOME!!! I never have that kind of luck, but that day I did, so yay bridal powers!

 

75. The Boy- Ok, I promise to keep the gushing to a minimum, but I am pretty excited to have signed up for a lifetime with this person. Anything good that came out of this wedding, at its root, comes from a partner who said " Sounds cool, how do we make it happen?" I feel like it shows one of our most formidable compatibilities; I am always plotting an adventure, and he is ready to help make it happen. Plus, he has great dance moves, real confidence, and looks pretty damn cute in a bow tie and suspenders.

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