Wedding Wednesday- Where to Donate your Wedding Dress

taken by first blush photos

Whether you got married 3 weeks ago or 30 years ago, you may very well still have your dress sitting in a closet somewhere. This is one of those things that tends to get carried from house to house. Some of us have a lot of emotional attachment to the dress. Some of us have hopes that a family member will want to wear it someday (though I think if you got married during the age of super synthetic dresses, the odds are low). Some of us just don't know how to get rid of it, because throwing it out feels wrong.

Wedding dresses are a pretty environmentally tricky purchase- you spend a lot of money on something that will only be used once. I know I looked at lots of used dresses, but never had the nerve to buy one that way. Now, I think I might have gone about it differently. I did end up with a dress I loved, but in the end, I am not sure it made that huge of a difference.

This blog covers a lot of territory on shopping more ethically, but one of the most eco-friendly things you can do is to have less and to get rid of things in an ethical way. Sure, maybe someday your daughter will want to wear your wedding dress (she won't) but in that time, that dress could have lived multiple lives or multiple weddings. In an ideal world, we would all be way more willing to let things go, because the more used stuff is out there, the more we can all invest in secondhand instead of more brand new stuff that will land in a landfill.

So, the question becomes, where can you offload that wedding dress?

First, you could sell it online for yourself, make a little money back, and help out another bride. Here are some options:

Once Wed was my favorite place to browse dresses, and I think you can resell decor as well. Honestly, if I could do it all again, I would probably buy a dress from here.

Preowned Wedding Dresses is probably the most commonly used, though I tried to sell a dress on here and it never worked out. Still, if you have a recent dress that someone can still go to the store and try on, you might have a lot more luck than I did.

Second, you could donate it to an organization that will sell it secondhand to help make them money (my favorite idea, but you do you). Some ideas:

Adorned in Grace, based in Northern Oregon and Southern Washington, sells bridal and formal wear (so maybe somewhere to donate all those bridesmaid dresses?) to raise money to help women once caught in human trafficking and to raise awareness of the epically huge problem. Pretty awesome cause if you ask me. Your dress gets a second life, AND you get to help other women. So cool. I think I will send a few old prom and bridesmaid dresses their way.

Angel Gowns breaks your heart and makes you feel better about the universe at the same time. These organizations take donated wedding gowns and turn them into dresses for stillborn babies or babies that pass away. If your dress is older and you don't think some of the other organizations would want them, look into the multiple angel gown organizations to give a special gift to parents going through something truly awful.

Brides Across America is incredibly cool because it doesn't sell your dress, it gives it away to a military bride planning their wedding (a big challenge when your fiance is serving far away). This charity has given away wedding gowns to 12,000  brides in events all over the country. What a cool way to say thank you. They only accept dresses five years old or younger, so stop wringing your hands and go for it already.

The Bridal Garden- If you are shopping or donating in the New York City area (looking at you, Kleinfeld shoppers), the Bridal Garden sells wedding dresses to benefit underserved children in the New York area. Give them your dress or start your shopping there instead of the big salons.

Brides for a Cause is a huge and very successful consignment salon that sells their dresses "for charity" It felt a little vague to me (ok, a cause, but which one?), but they do donate to Brides Across America right now, so you are still contributing to a very positive mission by donating your dress to them. I love it.

Brides for Haiti sells your dresses to raise money for Saint Joseph's Parish's charitable work in Haiti. Looks a little trickier in terms of shipping, but otherwise great!

The Brides Project in Toronto sells the donated dresses with the profits all going to cancer charities; this store has already put 600,000 dollars into cancer charities! That's awesome!

Success in Style is a Baltimore-based organization that gives out of work individuals wardrobes to help in their business lives. They have a consignment store to fund their mission, and now they accept wedding gowns for their wedding consignment store Cherie Amor.

Wish Upon a Wedding gifts weddings and vow renewals to men and women (regardless of sexual orientation, which I think is especially important) suffering from terminal illnesses. I am looking around, and I am not positive they still accept dresses, but if you can't donate your dress, you could still sell it and donate the proceeds.

I know I have a dress I bought on super clearance panic(like 70% off?) that has been sitting in a closet since 2012. I am offering it on Buy Nothing, but if there aren't any bites, it is moving on to one of these charities. I am not sure if I am ready to have my wedding dress see the same fate, but I am seriously thinking about it.

When you see all these things your dress can do, it seems like it is really underperforming in your closet, right? I know I struggle with the idea of parting with my dress, and I don't know if I will muster the courage or not, but the more dresses get multiple uses (and do all these wonderful things for people who need them) the better for everyone.

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Wedding Wednesday- Final Thoughts on the Dress

 

Alright, I really am trying to get the wedding stuff done before I have forgotten it all. I figure next month is one month out, at which point all thank you cards and blogs should be done with. One thing that I thought I could talk about before it became ancient ancient history is my wedding dress. I didn't write about it too specifically beforehand, but now I can say whatever I want so there. 

We started shopping for dresses about a year before the wedding. My mom came to see me in California and we went all over the bay area to try dresses. We started noticing some trends early on. First, when you tell people you don't want to be sparkly, you run out of options a lot quicker. (side note: the fingers up are so my mom and I could talk about the dresses later)

 

Secondly, if you tell people you want something a little bit different, they hear ruffles. I tried so many things covered in ruffles on. It turns out, I am not much more ruffley than I am sparkley.

 

The other thing that became obvious quickly was just how expensive dresses could get. We went to a few fancier places, and things can really get out of hand. It was also a lot of information to process in one weekend and we started to get a little overwhelmed. People say you can get it in a few tries, but I think it depends a lot on where you shop and whether the person helping you has a good sense of what you want. The dress on the right, by Amsale, had swiss dots and I really loved it, but my mom wasn't feeling it as much.

 

Then we went to Priscilla of Boston, and I tried on a couple of their polka dot numbers with minimal success (back then I thought polka dots was really going to work, but it mostly didn't). I tried on this dress, Fern, and it, by far, got the biggest reaction from both my mom and I. It was very femme and soft without being obnoxious or saccharine.We had gone to Priscilla of Boston's partially for fun, because the dresses were a little expensive, so even though I think we could have bought this that day, the price scared us away.

 

After that, that weekend in July had minimal luck. 

 

But I did get to try on more ruffles! I thought a lot about it, but nothing felt like such an obvious answer that I was having a Randy Fenoli say yes to the dress moment. At the same time, I didn't have a huge desire to keep up the shopping, so I got antsy to just get something. 

 

Around November, it came out that Priscilla of Boston was being shut down to put more money and energy into David's Bridal, because they are both owned by the same company. I rushed to their big sample sales, thinking I would get Fern, but trying on the dress I couldn't help but notice just how well-loved that dress was. But the dresses were so cheap and sensible and fancy-looking, so I kept trying to find one that would work.  There was a lot of sending my mom cell phone pictures.

 

Eventually I found this one, which was super cheap and I figured was reasonably attractive. It was a sample for a dress Priscilla of Boston (Elaine) would never even get to make, so the dress looked good as new.  I debated back and forth whether or not to buy it, which was especially annoying because I couldn't bring another human being with me. All I had were the sales girls. So, I ended up buying it, sort of in panic that I knew this was my only chance to get a dress like that. I called it in from the East Coast and then picked it up after Thanksgiving. After I bought it, I was just antsy about whether I really wanted it or not, and started having a lot of regrets about it. I found myself thinking about the dress a LOT, which really seems like the first sign I had done something wrong. I was embarassed to show people and I just wasn't excited about it. It really is a very pretty dress, but it didn't have any fun to it at all.

I only was sure that I had made the wrong choice when I got my shoes for the wedding (from the fantastic Milk and Honey) and I was so much more excited about the shoes than I was about the dress. I took pictures to sell it online and decided I would shop a little in January. If I found something great, I would switch over, and if not, I could live with what I got.

 

I had really liked pictures of the Watters dress Lasara, and I saw online I could try it at a bridal store- Epiphany Bridal- in Carmel by the Bay. I waited until they were having a trunk sale, and the boy and I drove there for what became my sort of last chance to find it. And then, I did. 

 

I never had a weeping moment of ridiculousness at the store, but I tried this on and could tell it fulfilled both my requirements and the trends that had emerged out of a bunch of shopping- I liked dresses that flared at the waist (because I didn't want to have to think about the pooch at the wedding) with cool details. This looked pretty and floral from a distance, but when you got close it looked like a bunch of doodles. It was so cool!

 

So, with my first ever skyping and shopping experience, my Mom and I decided we were on the same page, that the cut worked, etc and we got the dress. Of course, because this had clearly become an arena from where to collect my crazy, we originally didn't get the bolero, because I liked the dress well enough without it, then eventually bought it separately. 

 

My mom finally got to see the dress in May when we went to the first fitting. No one tells you this, but it takes forever for the dress to come, and in that time, you kind of forget about it. At least, I did. So trying on the dress was so cool because I had forgotten how much I like it. It looked great, except that it was super huge, especially in the chesticles. 

 

The owner of Epiphany Bridal makes the veils and does the alterations herself, all for free. If you are anywhere near there, I would highly recommend her.

 

I think the dress came out great, minus being a home for bugs.  I would highly recommend not guilting yourself into a dress you don't love. Also, being honest with yourself about how you feel about your body, because I could have saved a lot of time if I told people I didn't want a fit and flare dress.

 

 

The other strange thing that you can get caught in is that this dress has to somehow be a summation of your entire being. It's not true. It's just a nice dress that you should really love and hopefully feel good in. And like anything else with wedding stuff, once you make a decision, if you can not think about it anymore, you made the right one. The bolero was a good choice and I think that it was beautiful and I kind of wish I had stuck with it the whole night.

 

I feel kind of sad the dress is put away, but I loved it and I felt pretty attractive in it. So it was all good. My advice- don't shop alone if you can help it, do your research, and leave guilt out of it. Don't get something just because it is cheap. Don't worry about the subtextual rhetoric inherent in your dress. You just want to look nice, and that means whatever it means to you. Yay wedding dress!

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Kind Words from Make-Up Artist Omie!

Dear Reader,
I hope you'll forgive me for a brief moment of trumpet-blowing, but I recently found this lovely article online. I discovered it completely by chance and was so pleased!

I died and went to Vintage Heaven 

"Yesterday I had my first taste of vintage bridal heaven. I got on the train and made my way to London to meet with top vintage wedding dress expert, in my opinion, and all round super cool lady, Helena. Helena runs Heavenly Vintage Brides from her beautiful home situated just outside of central London.

 

Since being presented with my stunning 1930’s engagement ring and the loveliest proposal from Michael, my thoughts have been in over drive about wedding dresses. After all, it is the most important dress I am going to wear in my life. So since Christmas, yes that soon, I have been scouring the internet for small companies who deal in vintage bridal dresses. In truth I had been somewhat disappointed  by the lack of vintage dresses on offer. I found myself presented with many bigger companies who sell vintage inspired dresses and vintage looking dresses, but none the less these are new frocks. I love the idea of a slight imperfection on the hem, a button that needs re sewing and a hue in the fabric that can only be described as love. The thing with vintage is that the quality and mastery that goes into making a dress cant be matched. I have never thought of buying a new wedding dress and I think there is something very romantic about marrying in a dress that someone else married in, perhaps several people in some cases. It kind of feels like passing the love down and I like that notion. 

After a few hours of scouring you can imagine my excitement when I came across Helena’s website which just drew me in from the start. Just to add I do buy new clothes. I would love to say my wardrobe is all vintage pieces but that would be a lie. I love new clothes as well and every so often, when I can afford to, I treat myself to a designer piece. Often something from Vivienne Westwood or Marc Jacobs. I am quite clever when it comes to shopping so I will buy designer pieces in the sales when they are half the price. I look for the shape and the cut of the fabric. It needs to stand the test of time and suit my body shape in a flattering way. No one cuts fabric like Vivienne so I see it as an investment. 

So, back to my trip to London. I arrived at Helena’s an hour late. Fashionably? Id like to say so but it was actually due to the fact that I am terrible on London’s underground and waited at the wrong platform for my second train. Helena kindly met me from the train station and I was taken upstairs to her beautifully decorated and dressed room where the magic happens. I honesty felt so happy and excited when I saw her collection of vintage bridal dresses, and these were proper vintage. I like proper.

 

Helena explained everything to me about the process of picking out the dresses, trying them on and how she would help me find what suited my shape and the look I am after. It quickly became very clear that Helena’s knowledge was excellent. She really knows her dresses and designers. I listened tentatively when she told me the history of each dress; where it had come from, who designed it and the decade it was born. Helena has dresses from all decades and I was ecstatic when I saw the sizeable 1960’s section on the beautifully laid out rail. 

 

I don’t want to ramble on about trying on the dresses, unless anyone wants to know in which case please post me some questions. All I would like to say is that is was brilliant, from arrival to the end. In fact, I cant wait to go back. The Earl Grey in the vintage tea cup and the chit chat about Helena’s past career working at Vidal Sassoon was the icing on the cake. 

I have narrowed it down to 4 dresses, I think. Being a typical Libra I am sure I will change my mind several times and no doubt return to my first choice. I have a couple more appointments with vintage bridal dress specialists which I will post about in the near future. 

If anyone is thinking of having a vintage wedding dress I would strongly recommend Heavenly Vintage Brides and contacting Helena."

 

Shucks, too kind! The author was a client of mine earlier this year, and is a make-up artist who does lovely work for brides. You can see her own blog here. Thanks, Omie.

And thanks dear reader for putting up with my shameless showing-off. That's quite enough about me, I promise… back to gorgeous brides and heavenly dresses later this week!

Love
Helena
Heavenly Vintage Brides

If you like this post, try
MY GUIDE TO 1960s WEDDING DRESSES

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