Wedding Wednesday- How to Save on Wedding Decorations

Oy, wedding costs! You go into it with a vision, and then slowly, that vision can be chipped away just by the shrinking amount still left in the budget. Before you are really planning, you spend a lot of time plotting decorations and cool details, but those are often the things that get cut for the sake of the event as a whole. Some of that is inevitable, but I do think there are cool ways to approach decorations that can save you BIG money.

Even better, if you shift your approach to the stuff you buy for the wedding, you can save things from landfills and create less waste. So many of these decor pieces are used one night only, but if they are shared between many couples, they can have much longer and happier lives.

1. Let the Space do the Work- You picked your venues for a reason. Start with that premise and just let the beauty of your wedding and reception spaces shine through. If it's already a good-looking spot, you may not need much. Don't pick a theme that doesn't fit the room, and you have already saved yourself tons of money.

2. Focus on Lighting (and someone can always lend you lights)- If I had to decorate a whole reception with one item, it would be white twinkly lights. Lighting sets the mood, makes everything look intentional (even when it isn't), and adds that magical thing. Even better, you can almost always find lighting as a rental or used. Twice this summer, I have seen brides gifted tons of Christmas lights for their weddings on Buy Nothing. If you do get lights lent to you, be sure to mark who each strand belongs to. Otherwise, you can get this high impact item for very cheap or even free.

3. DIY it- I love browsing the decoration ideas on Etsy, but I am often struck how many of the things on there can just be made- you don't need to buy them! Sparkly branches? Glue, glitter, and a walk in the woods. Tissue paper flowers? Buy some bulk tissue paper and wire. Peg doll cake topper? Paint that business yourself. We made our escort cards from paint swatches- it doesn't have to be expensive to be memorable and fun.

 When you buy decor, you are paying for time and skill. Work ahead so you have the time, and you can self-assess which skills are within your wheelhouse. You can a little bit of money go a lot further this way! Only trick is to plan ahead!

4. Focal Points over Details- I have seen so many weddings where there were fussy centerpiece things at the table but nowhere to look in the room. Make a few spots really worth looking at and don't bother trying to make every corner beautiful. People will only remember a handful of things anyway.

5. Multi-task- Use your favors or cake or guests as decor. You have millions of choices dependent on your favor, but it's a nice way to have something do double duty. I went to a wedding last year where the cakes were the centerpieces, which saves tons of money on flowers, and you get more time with cake, so who can complain? Stepping out of the box even a little might help you figure out how to make what you are already paying for a key part of the room.

6. Everything Doesn't Have to Match Perfectly- Matchy matchy can be great if you are meticulous, but a little variation never hurt anyone. One of my best friends is very detail-oriented and got all the colors to match perfectly at her wedding. And it looked amazing, but it doesn't have to go that way. If you can find 40 free plates that look one way and 50 that look another, and they both fit, just use them both. It's more important to have a set sense of style than an overly particular matching set mentality. That sense of style and vision for the big picture is what will have the impact in the end.

7. And Please Don't Monogram your Napkins- Why. Why. Why. Why is this even still a thing? If you are doing the little cocktail napkins, by all means, get them in a color that resonates with your scheme (even better, get them recycled from a company like Susty). But why is this insta-garbage a good time to remind people whose wedding they are attending? No one has forgotten, and honestly, it is never all that classy. Put your money into other details, and then whatever you don't use can be for another couple or your dinner parties. Put the date on your favors, and skip the rest.

8. Get It Used- This is the most cost-effective AND eco-friendly thing you can do for your wedding decorations. So many wedding decorations become one time use things, and I hate to think of all the perfectly useful objects that get thrown out. But the bright side is you can find so much out there if you just know where to look and don't mind some browsing.

You can find great used decorations:

Newlyweds- We all know these big life events happen in waves. If you have friends getting married before you, check and see what you can get off their hands once they are hitched. We definitely gave decorations away to the Boy's beloved cousin, and our lights to the high school for dances. Your friends will have stuff they are happy to part with. Doesn't perfectly match? Get creative about what you can stretch to fit or change the color of and then offer the rest to others. After your hitched you can pay the favor forward!

On Buy Nothing- Have you joined your local Buy Nothing Project yet? I have seen it all on there- people offering their table runners to other asking for (and receiving) tons of glass vases for their center pieces. Check with your Buy Nothing and you could save 100's of dollars.

Goodwill and other Consignment Stores- Sometimes, this kind of shopping is a bust, but if you know what you need, you might find a steal. Also, lots of cities have craft consignment stores that might sell the ribbon or fabric you need as well.

Online Resale sites- Thank goodness for the internet, because you can now find everything you would ever want to decorate with used. Cheaper, convenient, and keeping things out of landfills? Amazing.

Ruffled is an absolute treasure, and you can find so many gorgeous things on their "Recycle your Wedding" pages. They have at least a thousand items, so it's a lot to go through, but you are sure to find something.  Make sure to check the price against the brand new cost, and don't be afraid to ask them to lower it a little (I mean, what else are they going to do with 100 extra mason jars?) Browse often, because things are going up all the time! You can find a steal on beautiful decorations.I may actually buy some things from them for a non-matrimonial party.

Tradesy- Tradesy started as wedding only, but they have had enough success to branch out. They have all kinds of wedding stuff, from bridesmaid dresses to wedding papers, but their decorations section is especially amazing and well-organized. They have 5,500+ items up right now! Easier to browse than most of the other sites as well. Be sure to join their mailing list so you get even more money off.

Wedding Recycle- This website also has lots of selection (about 3000 items) and they are connected to the Can't Buy me Love Project, where you donate wedding dresses that can be given away to brides who otherwise couldn't afford them. Pretty cool.

So you may be overwhelmed with the amount of money you have already spent nailing down the DJ and planning with the caterer. I don't blame you- weddings are expensive! But decorations is an area that with a little creativity, you can make huge impact with a little bit of money.

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Wedding Wednesday- Vendor Love- First Blush Photos

 

Alright, so I am mostly going to try to wrap up wedding stuff now- I want to give a list of things I wish I had known/ would have done differently, and I just want to talk about how incredibly great our vendors were. If I could only give future brides one piece of advice, it would be hold out for vendors who you are really excited about and who are genuinely excited themselves about what they do. People are better at their jobs when they love it. 

We loved First Blush Photos before they ever took our picture-  They are made up of 2 photographers (this is a HUGE help in keeping the day moving), Chris Padgett and Rachel Reinders, who are both fantastic on their own and really complement each other perfectly (they have been friends for a long time, and share a business with Rachel in PA and Chris in Illinois, so everyone in these states should hire them). Rachel took my cousin Paige's graduation pictures about 4 years ago, and at the time I was struck with how incredibly cool she was while still being enthusiastic and fun. I was also impressed with how quickly she pulled Paige out of her shell, and I think Paige's senior pictures are still my favorite ever. Rachel did a great job of really capturing the many things that are specifically beautiful about Paige. This may not seem like much, especially because Paige is gorgeous, but throughout the day I could see that Rachel really saw Paige, and that is an invaluable skill in a photographer.

After that, I liked checking in every so often on First Blush's blog (http://www.firstblushphotos.com/blog). I loved their approach and their photographs- they take really cozy looking group shots and embrace color! So when we started trying to pin down wedding dates, we actually wrote them beforehand to take their schedule into account. Our wedding date won because it was the only August date we could get the Bishop, Anchor Village, and First Blush all together. 

It was so worth it! They were quick to communicate with us, and a year before the wedding, they came to visit us in California to take our engagement pictures. Even though we love taking pictures, we are exceptionally awkward in front of the camera together. We are also tragic when we are forced to be affectionate in front of other human beings. So the engagement pictures, more than anything else,would give us a chance to get used to it. It was so much easier than we expected, and we really had a nice day. Chris and Rachel are fun, young, and generally seem to be having a good time just hanging out with each other (even after a miserable red-eye, so well done to them!). They even tolerated eating at the least Italian Italian restaurant ever. We loved the, so we were so excited to see how the wedding would go.

 

First Blush came to our rehearsal the night before the wedding to talk to the priest about limits and to watch how the whole thing would go down. They showed up bright and early the next morning, a little after nine (everything being said, Chris and Rachel worked a 14 hour day for our wedding, if that doesn't tell you what kind of photographers they are, I'm not sure what will!). They were cheery from the very beginning and made a point to learn names as the day went on. I had tried to give them as much info as I could before the day, and they brought a print out of the list with them, so they were sure not to miss anything. They kept things moving, so we never felt behind or overly rushed. They happily bummed rides off of us, and were in no way high maintenance at all. They worked quickly (and intelligently), without things feeling rushed or unpleasant.  The Boy said the 3 words to describe them are helpful, enthusiastic, and creative. In short, they kicked ass.

I got so many compliments on my photographers even on the wedding day, before anyone had seen one shot they took. My mother, no joke, has been trying to find sites on the internet where she can sing their praises. My dad, who is a very discerning judge of photographers, was struck that night that they were professional, unobtrusive, and, most importantly, he could tell that they genuinely were enjoying the whole thing. 

 Case and point, when we told them we were having a classy nerd picnic, and that we were having a running robot theme, they made us robot heads and arms.  And seriously, who does that? Who makes extra photo props for their clients just because they are pumped about their ideas? They were amazing! And trust me, somebody had put a BUNCH of work into them! Then we snuck off with them during dinner and cracked up through this whole part of the photo shoot- they were hard to keep on our heads! I was just so impressed that they were game at the level that they actually took the license to go be creative. We reminded ourselves going into the wedding that even if it was a big deal for us, it was another weekend of work for our vendors, but it didn't feel that way at all with Chris and Rachel. We felt like they were excited with us! That is having pride (and joy!) in your job.  Like I said, they stayed through all of the dancing, even dancing themselves a little bit! We couldn't have been more impressed on the day.

  

I tried to put up  some of the pictures from the day, so I don't need to tell you that the pictures are soo soo pretty! They made my grandmother cry because they were so beautiful! All we have seen so far are the ones they posted on their blog, but we are elated about how they turned out. 

If you are planning your wedding, I highly recommend checking First Blush out, but these are the criteria I would be sure to look for- 

2 photographers- it makes a world of difference

Enthusiasm, creativity, and aesthetic excellence in their work- It is worth the extra money! It is what you get to keep of the entire day. 

Professionalism and kindness- trust me, you probably see your photographers as much as anybody on your wedding day, if there is  anything about their personality that isn't clicking, do not hire them! I have seen too many creepers or slow pokes really put a dent in wedding festivities. Everyone loved Chris and Rachel before they saw any pictures, so the fact that the images are also amazing speaks so highly for their talent. 

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Fourth Anniversary Inspiration- Fruit and Flower Inspiration and Fun

By your fourth anniversary, it sure can be easy to phone it in. Just head out to dinner and call it a day. I know we did that here way more than I would have liked, but we are also 9 months into a pregnancy, so I forgive us. Some years you just aren't going to nail it.

On the other hand, I think this anniversary (and it's fruity theme) actually lends itself to TONS of cool and fun ideas for activiities and decorations. You can do this one WELL, my friends. Do better than we did.

 Make this year a fun memory, not just a throwaway.

What to Do

The ideas on Pinterest for this anniversary are particularly lame. Basically, just fruit puns. I have nothing against fruit puns, but its no inside tent or leather den or really anything fun. But clearly, they have missed the boat here, because I think so many great ideas are waiting to happen!

1. Berry-picking- I know it sounds cheesy, but we have had the best time doing this. Living in Northern California, we could actually go pick strawberries right by the beach. Can you hear the sea lions when you look at this picture? Needless to say, it was cool. Lots of areas, rural and urban have picking farms nearby, and dependent on your anniversary date, you could do whatever is seasonal and available. Then go home and make something with it. It's an activity that is out of the ordinary, but it won't break the bank either.

2. Start a garden- Are you a late-spring/ early-summer couple? You got this. Plant something. Plant a bush or a tree in the anniversary's honor, and every year you can see how much it grows. Don't have a yard? Plant an herb garden you can use at home OR look and see if there is any planting that needs done in your neighborhood. You could even volunteer together for replanting somewhere or to work for a day in a community garden. It can be so fun to get your hands dirty, and isn't it always somehow better to do this kind of thing for someone else?

A good way to revise the flower/ fruit theme is "Growing." Your marriage isn't new anymore, but now we all know the secret that things don't stop growing just because they aren't saplings. Think about things that grow in your life and build your anniversary plans around keeping things growing.

3. Go to (or Make) Dinner Together- We went out for a fancy dinner this year, and when food is part of the theme, a dinner makes sense (otherwise, it can feel a little bit like the easiest possible answer).But I do think food in general makes sense, and if you have a fruit that especially resonates, you could pick it as a theme for food for the week!

Do a fun fruit salad. Or carve something out of fruit? I want to see some anniversary- themed watermelon sculptures!

I mean, come on. From Seasons of Joy

Maybe try a whole week of new recipes? Could you make a whole week of mango meals? Or try all the weird fruits in the grocery store you never go near? I think there is a fun adventure here waiting to happen. On that note...

What to Eat

This anniversary screams cake, so I am kind of freaking out that I haven't picked a cake (or its toppers yet). How do you pick when there are so many good options? Two years ago I made a lemon cake, and I will be honest with you, it wasn't that good. I obviously didn't pick the right thing. So this year I am looking for some fruity inspiration:

from Design Sponge

Pie! I love this anniversary pie from Design Sponge. So simple and chic, and it might be a good choice if you aren't a cake couple. I love this heart pie crust as well.

from Eat Spin Run Repeat

Fruit Cake. You can do an actual fruitcake for a Christmas anniversary, but how cool is this for summer anniversaries? I love Eat Spin Run Repeat's step by step tutorial, but you really could make an amazing cake with whatever fruit you like (or matches your wedding colors).

Just a Regular Old Amazing Cake. There is infinite pinteresty goodness around cakes with fruit. This is a goldmine, so you only have to find what idea fits you best. I had all sorts of ideas, and our cake was jank. I mean, really jank. Such a mess that I won't even put it up here, which I am never above doing. So let's look at other people's successes and ignore my 4th year failure:

from Baker by Nature

Baker by Nature has a recipe for a seriously beautiful lemon and blueberry cake. So nice, and it looks so pretty.

from Dagmar's Kitchen

This chocolate cake by Dagmar's Kitchen was the vision I had in my head when I thought about the cake. So pretty with the chocolate and the berries. Someday later I will make this cake. This one from Tastes Better from Scratch looks like a nice combination of the two.

from Plain Chicken

Lemon Sour Cream Pound Cake from Plain Chicken looks less fussy but still very pretty. Might be a good route if you don't have a ton of time.

Ok, these are my best fruit and flower ideas! What did you do for your 4th anniversary?

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Fourth Anniversary Inspiration- Fruit and Flower Gift Ideas

I love a theme, and the marriage anniversary gift guidelines are both hilariously arbitrary and super fun to take on as a challenge. Every year so far, we have done decorating, food, and our gifts to another level by just following the weirdly wonderful list of suggestions.

For the first year, we made paper decorations like the ones at our wedding (we have enough tissue paper to last a lifetime). For gifts, we exchanged a paper clock and scratch off maps.
For the second year, we rocked it with a cotton sheet tent in our room, where we camped out, watched Top Chef, and did not exchange cotton robes.
For the third year, we ate steak. Well, he ate steak. I covered our house in cows and compromised my cow-loving morals. We exchanged leather photo albums and luggage tags.

It may seem like a silly tradition, but I firmly believe that the key to appreciating life (and having a happy one), is making a big deal about the good things. You can't do anything to stop bad things from happening, but giving the good equal weight, attention, time, and creativity  In my life, The Boy is probably my single favorite life decision, so I am going to make a big deal out of our anniversary week. That doesn't mean forking over lots of dough, just killing it on the theme.

This year's theme? Fruit and Flowers. 

After last year's leather-clad meatfest, this year's theme seems pretty tame. You can also tell that motivation to rock the theme is waning, because both Pinterest and Etsy don't have many suggestions. Pinterest has roses made of bacon and some fruit puns.

 Etsy is mostly selling various roses out of every material you can think of. Also, a t-shirt that says "She still puts up with me after 4 years"- really? This needs to be said after 4 years- how awful are you? Let's not pat her on the back just yet. Four years seems very early to be bragging (maybe that's why no one goes all out for this anniversary- not fresh enough to be fun, not established enough to feel like an accomplishment?).

So, I would never advocate for people to buy something as useless as a metal rose or as embarrassing as that t-shirt. This anniversary feels like a totally wasted creative opportunity out there- sure, sweet and floral sounds feminine, but this really feels like an anniversary about planting things that grow.

Please friend, just don't buy a vase, floral scented candles, or a bouquet from the grocery store. You can get something more useful than that!

So some ideas that would work for either gender...

Something that Grows

 I can see the instinct to go for the bouquet of flowers or edible arrangement when fruit and flowers are the theme, but consider something that will still be growing for future anniversaries as well. Because no one needs another vase, but we could all use more fresh air.

We may not think of flowers and fruit as gifts that persist, but a lilac bush could fill your yard with the best smell ever for years. You have to keep taking care of a raspberry bush or an herb garden (if you don't have much space, you may still have room to grow), but isn't that more like marriage? It always takes a little upkeep, but you get a lot more from it than you would a bouquet long gone by your 5th anniversary.

My best gift idea for this anniversary is to plant or grow something that matters to you and your partner. You could even do it together as the celebration!

A Little Garden Glamour

from West Wind Home Garden

A Planter Box, Decorative Stones, Garden Gnome, or even one of those magic balls would be so cool and funny. Really what says romance more than a garden gnome? PhenomeGnome has quite the selection of classy guys waiting to grace your garden. These balls from Uncommon Goods have really unique designs and I think they light up at night from solar power as well. Made in Canada from recycled glass, so that might be a perfect.

For stepping stones, it doesn't get much cuter than these turtle stones. I can totally imagine the gardens where they would look adorable. When I started looking for garden stones, the vast majority were animal gravestones. Maybe not for an anniversary, but you can find better options. Then it was all for something called "fairy gardens." So maybe you don't do stepping stones on Etsy.

My favorite might be these penny flower stakes for Uncommon Goods- they are made from recycled/ upcycled materials in the US, and they are just so super cute.

from 3D Uni Print

Don't have a big garden to guss up? You could still get a planter! You can't help but love the bulbasaur planters that are all over Etsy, just be sure you are getting one that is a non-ridiculous size (or try a dinosaur planter- cool recycling). Convivial Production sells a hanging basket that somehow looks modern and reminds me of my Grandma's house all at once. For something really original, check out these amazing necklaces at Wearable Planter. Lastly, I love this planter troth from one of my favorite Etsy stores- Andrew's Reclaimed- made of all reclaimed wood. Would be perfect if you want your own little herb garden!

Somewhere to Stop and Smell the Roses

We bought a bench as our big gift for this anniversary- it may sound a little lame, but I am psyched about it. We got a bench from Polywood, so it is made of recycled plastic in the United States. They have gliders too! I love this company even more now- the bench was pretty easy to put together (The Bubba was just so helpful) and it looks even better in person than online.

It is one of those things that looks perfect in its spot in our yard (and it will be so nice for practical moments and sitting together), but with such a long list of to do's, I bet we wouldn't have gone for it for a very long time. I am writing stores on Etsy to try to get a fun plaque for it as well (still debating what to have it say). It's a place to stop in our garden, when in general we just go go go, so I am excited about that little bit of quality time together.

Juicy Fruit

Fruit, when you think about it, is a pretty low maintenance food. You motly eat it raw. You could get a juicer if you think it would get a lot of use (but I can't find one made in the USA- phooey). Microplane sells American-made zesters, which have turned out to be very handy in our house.

from Golem Designs

I can think of two other fruit tools in the kitchen- a fruit bowl or a strainer to wash berries in. I love ones that are a little bit open, like this modern one from Golem Designs and this stunner from Nings Wonder World. This concrete fruit bowl from Rough Fusion looks very sophisticated.

I love this berry buddy from Uncommon Goods- it looks great, is made in Pennsylvania, and it would work perfectly if you are big berry-eating family (like we are). Lots of Etsy ceramicists like Mark's Pottery, Shady Grove Pottery, and Loma Prieta Pottery make berry strainers as well. Want to do something more cost effective? You can also find really cool vintage ones on Etsy or get the strainer from Preserve- made in the USA with recycled materials!

And For Something Truly Not Romantic...

So most of these gift ideas have been at least a little romantic, but the theme does lend itself to getting something practical off your list. Gosh, that is so the 4th year of marriage. Still, if you (or your partner) feel lighter with another to do biting the dust, this might be fun (but go on a romantic date or something- life can't be all practical).

If you still need something bought or something done for your outdoor space, this might be the perfect opportunity to focus on that. Whether you live in a stand alone house or a rented apartment, you may enjoy some outdoor space more with a little boost. Maybe you want a swing for your porch or a hanging tomato garden for your patio. Maybe your porch needs repainted or the stairs need fixed. This can be a perfect opportunity to tackle something together and to put a little attention into spaces that can be forgotten.

Good Ideas from Amazon

One of the least romantic options for this would be a composter. It's kind of like a pretty vase, but you put the flowers in after they are dead. It may seem really boring or lame, but you can keep making great soil for you yard this way and save so much from a landfill. A banana peel in a kitchen garbage bag may never decompose. In your composter, it will in a week. So eco-friendly and it will save you money too! If you have the room, Good Ideas makes great composters, but if you need something a little smaller, check out this Envirocycle one.

Idlyc from Amazon

Not yard people? No worries! You could also get totally unromantic about your grocery shopping. Rather than using those plastic produce bags which are used once and then shipped to the landfill, you could get produce and grocery bags to shop with! Honestly, we just use a reusable grocery bag and throw everything into one bag. Why not? We are just going to wash it all when we get home anyway, so what are the little bags protecting them from? Hot peppers are the only thing that gets their own bag.

Fruit and Flower Art

Both fruit and flowers are the subject of lots of cool prints and paintings, so you could also buy something to help decorate your kitchen.

from Jessica Haas Designs

My favorite of all of these are seasonal food calendars- we bought one of these ones from Jessica Haas Designs for our house, and it can really help you keep track of what is good when at a local level (I just wish we had a cheat sheet for which fish are pictured). I have lusted over this garden chart from Little Low literally for years, but we don't have room in our kitchen, so it just sits in my Etsy cart. For years. No joke. Someone get it- it's so pretty. They have all sorts of beautiful prints, so check out this store. Also try- Lucile's Kitchen, Cactus Club, lh print shop, Season's Gleanings, and Lou Paper.

This map from artist Wendy Gold turns the whole world into bouquets of flowers. This is so pretty, and it reminds me of Napoleon's wife who had a huge collection of gorgeous botanical drawings. May be the perfect piece for a mudroom or office.

If you want to gift something really different, these stained glass panels are both geometric and organic. I love that they are made in Kentucky, and it could look perfect in your window.

Ok, these are my best ideas, what are yours? How do you make a gift thoughtful, fun, and useful all at the same time!? It's a tall order, but I believe it can be done!

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Wedding Wednesday- 10 (Eco-friendly) Ways to be the Favorite Shower Guest

In one lifetime, most women will go to a LOT of bridal showers. Some will be of women who absolutely own our hearts. Others will be for our boyfriend's cousin's fiance where we will awkwardly sit in the corner. Either way, there will be a registry, and there will be a long chunk of shindig where we watch the bride, groom, or both open gifts.

So, how does bridal showering change when you are trying to be eco-friendly or buy local?

It can be a challenge. The couple gets to make an exact list of what they want, and if it turns out to be full of Made in Elsewhere junk that hurts your heart to buy, you can really feel stuck between compromising your own priorities or being the jerk buying decorative birdhouses.

These are my best ideas of how to be an awesome guest, how to break the mold enough to be interesting, but not so much that you are the one they tell stories about later. You can kick ass at bridal showering and stay eco-friendly! Here's how:

1. Pair the Personal with the Practical- Something small and personal makes for the most memorable gifts. One of our friends gave us a little stone with our faces painted on as a wedding gift. It is still one of my favorites. I also received two quilts and a blanket that I love and continue to be in use at our house. If you know the wedding colors or something they might need for the wedding, you could go that route. We received some things that were thoughtful, but not that useful (a lot of decorative platters) and some that were practical but not personal, but if you can combine registry desires with a personalized theme or something you made yourself, you can really nail the gift.

2. Forget Adulting, Put in for the Honeymoon- Looking at the registry and having trouble finding an eco-friendly option? Ugh, that smarts. The couple may be equally happy to accept money OR if you want to go big, ask after their honeymoon and put money specifically toward that. Wedding showers are especially all about practicality, and that can become a drag, so see if you can't invest in a cool memory for them on their trip.

There are registries specific for honeymoon funds, but even if they don't have one, I bet they will love the help. I know one of my friends skipped out on the activity she most wanted to do, because it was too expensive. In retrospect, I wish I could have skipped the wedding/shower gift and put money in for that. Stuff is just stuff, but making new and amazing memories can fuel a marriage.

3. Come Prepared to Have Fun- You want to give your bride a gift? Have a great time. The hosts can only prepare so much- once you get to a party, the fun of the shindig depends on all of the guests. Time to play silly games? Go into it with Olympic intensity to make it awesome. Small talking with the bride's crazy relatives? Lean in, my friend. Don't sit in the corner, only hang out with your people, or worst of all, let someone else be uncomfortable or alone.

At a wedding, in my expert opinion, you are contractually obligated to start the bride and groom's marriage off with a full dance floor and happy faces. Do the shower version of that.

4. Write a Good Note- Showers can be overwhelming events where the bride or groom doesn't get the time they hope for with each guest (I know I felt that way). No matter what you decide to gift, a thoughtful note and some encouragement might be the best gift you can give. Write something personal and genuine, and you could very well make his or her day when they can really go through things without an audience.

5. Skip the Lingerie- No one wants to open something seedy with all of their aunts watching. Maybe someone does, but if you aren't sure that is that bride, just skip it. If you want to do something romantic, buy some gift certificates to local restaurants and invest in some date nights. Seriously, underwear gifts are way more weird than clever.

6. Go in Together for One Gift- Don't hate- collaborate! You may not have the.budget for a really fabulous gift, but you could go in with other guests to go big. We get into this idea that more gifts= better gifts, but there is something to be said for a gift they may not be able to afford themselves. They can go buy a kitchen clock themselves, but a new set of knives might be way out of reach. Not to mention, this gesture might save them from the long, awkward present-opening part of the shindig, which is a lot of pressure.

You can do this two ways- collect money anonymously, and figure out what you an buy with it. Or, pick something first and let people donate with knowledge of the endpoint. Spend less time worrying whether the generosity is equal- it's not a competition.

7. Take Pictures- Ok, maybe this seems silly, but I think one of the best things you can do for a couple on the path to getting married (or having a baby) is to be positive, enthusiastic, and to help document any and all festivities. You get to the other end of things and can feel like it slipped through your fingers, so some pictures from others helps them have a fuller perspective on these days and all of the good stuff happening. It costs you no money, minimal time, and can really be so sweet and thoughtful.

8. Make the Switch or Get out of the Box- Not excited about the registry? You can try to do a switch out using my suggestions on The Eco-Friendly and Made in America Wedding Registry. Don't see anything that speaks to you? What are some other things they will definitely need? What about movie tickets or some other kind of date night? Gift cards for take out places with their menus? A cheese of the month club. Invest in the memories they will make as a couple! Or go a totally different route and cut out a practical concern for them- give them all the quarters they will ever need for laundry with The Simply Co soap and dryer balls. Get them all the tissues they will ever need and a throw blanket for sick days. Get them Amazon Prime or a netflix subscription. By shifting your paradigm to less concrete gifts, you can really come up with something cool.

9. Buy 3 Used Gifts Instead of One New One- This is true for baby showers too- some things on registries (measuring cups, anything glass, kitchen tools) are ALWAYS for sale in consignment and antique stores. Still look at what they want, but get something a little more special and a LOT more cost-effective. You can get 4 kitchen tools at Goodwill for the same cost as one from Bed Bath and Beyond. Way to help them fill up that kitchen AND reduce waste!

10. It's All About Them- Sometimes you know the bride or groom better than others; it is well worth it to keep who they are in mind before you go for it. Maybe they are the kind of people who would LOVE practical gifts like a year's worth of paper towels and toilet paper- think of the drudgery they can skip! Other people would hate it. If you aren't sure, call one of those numbers on the RSVP line and ask them. If it still seems risky, do 60% what they said they want and 40% something a little riskier.

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