Wedding Wednesday- 10 (Eco-friendly) Ways to be the Favorite Shower Guest

In one lifetime, most women will go to a LOT of bridal showers. Some will be of women who absolutely own our hearts. Others will be for our boyfriend's cousin's fiance where we will awkwardly sit in the corner. Either way, there will be a registry, and there will be a long chunk of shindig where we watch the bride, groom, or both open gifts.

So, how does bridal showering change when you are trying to be eco-friendly or buy local?

It can be a challenge. The couple gets to make an exact list of what they want, and if it turns out to be full of Made in Elsewhere junk that hurts your heart to buy, you can really feel stuck between compromising your own priorities or being the jerk buying decorative birdhouses.

These are my best ideas of how to be an awesome guest, how to break the mold enough to be interesting, but not so much that you are the one they tell stories about later. You can kick ass at bridal showering and stay eco-friendly! Here's how:

1. Pair the Personal with the Practical- Something small and personal makes for the most memorable gifts. One of our friends gave us a little stone with our faces painted on as a wedding gift. It is still one of my favorites. I also received two quilts and a blanket that I love and continue to be in use at our house. If you know the wedding colors or something they might need for the wedding, you could go that route. We received some things that were thoughtful, but not that useful (a lot of decorative platters) and some that were practical but not personal, but if you can combine registry desires with a personalized theme or something you made yourself, you can really nail the gift.

2. Forget Adulting, Put in for the Honeymoon- Looking at the registry and having trouble finding an eco-friendly option? Ugh, that smarts. The couple may be equally happy to accept money OR if you want to go big, ask after their honeymoon and put money specifically toward that. Wedding showers are especially all about practicality, and that can become a drag, so see if you can't invest in a cool memory for them on their trip.

There are registries specific for honeymoon funds, but even if they don't have one, I bet they will love the help. I know one of my friends skipped out on the activity she most wanted to do, because it was too expensive. In retrospect, I wish I could have skipped the wedding/shower gift and put money in for that. Stuff is just stuff, but making new and amazing memories can fuel a marriage.

3. Come Prepared to Have Fun- You want to give your bride a gift? Have a great time. The hosts can only prepare so much- once you get to a party, the fun of the shindig depends on all of the guests. Time to play silly games? Go into it with Olympic intensity to make it awesome. Small talking with the bride's crazy relatives? Lean in, my friend. Don't sit in the corner, only hang out with your people, or worst of all, let someone else be uncomfortable or alone.

At a wedding, in my expert opinion, you are contractually obligated to start the bride and groom's marriage off with a full dance floor and happy faces. Do the shower version of that.

4. Write a Good Note- Showers can be overwhelming events where the bride or groom doesn't get the time they hope for with each guest (I know I felt that way). No matter what you decide to gift, a thoughtful note and some encouragement might be the best gift you can give. Write something personal and genuine, and you could very well make his or her day when they can really go through things without an audience.

5. Skip the Lingerie- No one wants to open something seedy with all of their aunts watching. Maybe someone does, but if you aren't sure that is that bride, just skip it. If you want to do something romantic, buy some gift certificates to local restaurants and invest in some date nights. Seriously, underwear gifts are way more weird than clever.

6. Go in Together for One Gift- Don't hate- collaborate! You may not have the.budget for a really fabulous gift, but you could go in with other guests to go big. We get into this idea that more gifts= better gifts, but there is something to be said for a gift they may not be able to afford themselves. They can go buy a kitchen clock themselves, but a new set of knives might be way out of reach. Not to mention, this gesture might save them from the long, awkward present-opening part of the shindig, which is a lot of pressure.

You can do this two ways- collect money anonymously, and figure out what you an buy with it. Or, pick something first and let people donate with knowledge of the endpoint. Spend less time worrying whether the generosity is equal- it's not a competition.

7. Take Pictures- Ok, maybe this seems silly, but I think one of the best things you can do for a couple on the path to getting married (or having a baby) is to be positive, enthusiastic, and to help document any and all festivities. You get to the other end of things and can feel like it slipped through your fingers, so some pictures from others helps them have a fuller perspective on these days and all of the good stuff happening. It costs you no money, minimal time, and can really be so sweet and thoughtful.

8. Make the Switch or Get out of the Box- Not excited about the registry? You can try to do a switch out using my suggestions on The Eco-Friendly and Made in America Wedding Registry. Don't see anything that speaks to you? What are some other things they will definitely need? What about movie tickets or some other kind of date night? Gift cards for take out places with their menus? A cheese of the month club. Invest in the memories they will make as a couple! Or go a totally different route and cut out a practical concern for them- give them all the quarters they will ever need for laundry with The Simply Co soap and dryer balls. Get them all the tissues they will ever need and a throw blanket for sick days. Get them Amazon Prime or a netflix subscription. By shifting your paradigm to less concrete gifts, you can really come up with something cool.

9. Buy 3 Used Gifts Instead of One New One- This is true for baby showers too- some things on registries (measuring cups, anything glass, kitchen tools) are ALWAYS for sale in consignment and antique stores. Still look at what they want, but get something a little more special and a LOT more cost-effective. You can get 4 kitchen tools at Goodwill for the same cost as one from Bed Bath and Beyond. Way to help them fill up that kitchen AND reduce waste!

10. It's All About Them- Sometimes you know the bride or groom better than others; it is well worth it to keep who they are in mind before you go for it. Maybe they are the kind of people who would LOVE practical gifts like a year's worth of paper towels and toilet paper- think of the drudgery they can skip! Other people would hate it. If you aren't sure, call one of those numbers on the RSVP line and ask them. If it still seems risky, do 60% what they said they want and 40% something a little riskier.

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Fourth Anniversary Inspiration- Fruit and Flower Gift Ideas

I love a theme, and the marriage anniversary gift guidelines are both hilariously arbitrary and super fun to take on as a challenge. Every year so far, we have done decorating, food, and our gifts to another level by just following the weirdly wonderful list of suggestions.

For the first year, we made paper decorations like the ones at our wedding (we have enough tissue paper to last a lifetime). For gifts, we exchanged a paper clock and scratch off maps.
For the second year, we rocked it with a cotton sheet tent in our room, where we camped out, watched Top Chef, and did not exchange cotton robes.
For the third year, we ate steak. Well, he ate steak. I covered our house in cows and compromised my cow-loving morals. We exchanged leather photo albums and luggage tags.

It may seem like a silly tradition, but I firmly believe that the key to appreciating life (and having a happy one), is making a big deal about the good things. You can't do anything to stop bad things from happening, but giving the good equal weight, attention, time, and creativity  In my life, The Boy is probably my single favorite life decision, so I am going to make a big deal out of our anniversary week. That doesn't mean forking over lots of dough, just killing it on the theme.

This year's theme? Fruit and Flowers. 

After last year's leather-clad meatfest, this year's theme seems pretty tame. You can also tell that motivation to rock the theme is waning, because both Pinterest and Etsy don't have many suggestions. Pinterest has roses made of bacon and some fruit puns.

 Etsy is mostly selling various roses out of every material you can think of. Also, a t-shirt that says "She still puts up with me after 4 years"- really? This needs to be said after 4 years- how awful are you? Let's not pat her on the back just yet. Four years seems very early to be bragging (maybe that's why no one goes all out for this anniversary- not fresh enough to be fun, not established enough to feel like an accomplishment?).

So, I would never advocate for people to buy something as useless as a metal rose or as embarrassing as that t-shirt. This anniversary feels like a totally wasted creative opportunity out there- sure, sweet and floral sounds feminine, but this really feels like an anniversary about planting things that grow.

Please friend, just don't buy a vase, floral scented candles, or a bouquet from the grocery store. You can get something more useful than that!

So some ideas that would work for either gender...

Something that Grows

 I can see the instinct to go for the bouquet of flowers or edible arrangement when fruit and flowers are the theme, but consider something that will still be growing for future anniversaries as well. Because no one needs another vase, but we could all use more fresh air.

We may not think of flowers and fruit as gifts that persist, but a lilac bush could fill your yard with the best smell ever for years. You have to keep taking care of a raspberry bush or an herb garden (if you don't have much space, you may still have room to grow), but isn't that more like marriage? It always takes a little upkeep, but you get a lot more from it than you would a bouquet long gone by your 5th anniversary.

My best gift idea for this anniversary is to plant or grow something that matters to you and your partner. You could even do it together as the celebration!

A Little Garden Glamour

from West Wind Home Garden

A Planter Box, Decorative Stones, Garden Gnome, or even one of those magic balls would be so cool and funny. Really what says romance more than a garden gnome? PhenomeGnome has quite the selection of classy guys waiting to grace your garden. These balls from Uncommon Goods have really unique designs and I think they light up at night from solar power as well. Made in Canada from recycled glass, so that might be a perfect.

For stepping stones, it doesn't get much cuter than these turtle stones. I can totally imagine the gardens where they would look adorable. When I started looking for garden stones, the vast majority were animal gravestones. Maybe not for an anniversary, but you can find better options. Then it was all for something called "fairy gardens." So maybe you don't do stepping stones on Etsy.

My favorite might be these penny flower stakes for Uncommon Goods- they are made from recycled/ upcycled materials in the US, and they are just so super cute.

from 3D Uni Print

Don't have a big garden to guss up? You could still get a planter! You can't help but love the bulbasaur planters that are all over Etsy, just be sure you are getting one that is a non-ridiculous size (or try a dinosaur planter- cool recycling). Convivial Production sells a hanging basket that somehow looks modern and reminds me of my Grandma's house all at once. For something really original, check out these amazing necklaces at Wearable Planter. Lastly, I love this planter troth from one of my favorite Etsy stores- Andrew's Reclaimed- made of all reclaimed wood. Would be perfect if you want your own little herb garden!

Somewhere to Stop and Smell the Roses

We bought a bench as our big gift for this anniversary- it may sound a little lame, but I am psyched about it. We got a bench from Polywood, so it is made of recycled plastic in the United States. They have gliders too! I love this company even more now- the bench was pretty easy to put together (The Bubba was just so helpful) and it looks even better in person than online.

It is one of those things that looks perfect in its spot in our yard (and it will be so nice for practical moments and sitting together), but with such a long list of to do's, I bet we wouldn't have gone for it for a very long time. I am writing stores on Etsy to try to get a fun plaque for it as well (still debating what to have it say). It's a place to stop in our garden, when in general we just go go go, so I am excited about that little bit of quality time together.

Juicy Fruit

Fruit, when you think about it, is a pretty low maintenance food. You motly eat it raw. You could get a juicer if you think it would get a lot of use (but I can't find one made in the USA- phooey). Microplane sells American-made zesters, which have turned out to be very handy in our house.

from Golem Designs

I can think of two other fruit tools in the kitchen- a fruit bowl or a strainer to wash berries in. I love ones that are a little bit open, like this modern one from Golem Designs and this stunner from Nings Wonder World. This concrete fruit bowl from Rough Fusion looks very sophisticated.

I love this berry buddy from Uncommon Goods- it looks great, is made in Pennsylvania, and it would work perfectly if you are big berry-eating family (like we are). Lots of Etsy ceramicists like Mark's Pottery, Shady Grove Pottery, and Loma Prieta Pottery make berry strainers as well. Want to do something more cost effective? You can also find really cool vintage ones on Etsy or get the strainer from Preserve- made in the USA with recycled materials!

And For Something Truly Not Romantic...

So most of these gift ideas have been at least a little romantic, but the theme does lend itself to getting something practical off your list. Gosh, that is so the 4th year of marriage. Still, if you (or your partner) feel lighter with another to do biting the dust, this might be fun (but go on a romantic date or something- life can't be all practical).

If you still need something bought or something done for your outdoor space, this might be the perfect opportunity to focus on that. Whether you live in a stand alone house or a rented apartment, you may enjoy some outdoor space more with a little boost. Maybe you want a swing for your porch or a hanging tomato garden for your patio. Maybe your porch needs repainted or the stairs need fixed. This can be a perfect opportunity to tackle something together and to put a little attention into spaces that can be forgotten.

Good Ideas from Amazon

One of the least romantic options for this would be a composter. It's kind of like a pretty vase, but you put the flowers in after they are dead. It may seem really boring or lame, but you can keep making great soil for you yard this way and save so much from a landfill. A banana peel in a kitchen garbage bag may never decompose. In your composter, it will in a week. So eco-friendly and it will save you money too! If you have the room, Good Ideas makes great composters, but if you need something a little smaller, check out this Envirocycle one.

Idlyc from Amazon

Not yard people? No worries! You could also get totally unromantic about your grocery shopping. Rather than using those plastic produce bags which are used once and then shipped to the landfill, you could get produce and grocery bags to shop with! Honestly, we just use a reusable grocery bag and throw everything into one bag. Why not? We are just going to wash it all when we get home anyway, so what are the little bags protecting them from? Hot peppers are the only thing that gets their own bag.

Fruit and Flower Art

Both fruit and flowers are the subject of lots of cool prints and paintings, so you could also buy something to help decorate your kitchen.

from Jessica Haas Designs

My favorite of all of these are seasonal food calendars- we bought one of these ones from Jessica Haas Designs for our house, and it can really help you keep track of what is good when at a local level (I just wish we had a cheat sheet for which fish are pictured). I have lusted over this garden chart from Little Low literally for years, but we don't have room in our kitchen, so it just sits in my Etsy cart. For years. No joke. Someone get it- it's so pretty. They have all sorts of beautiful prints, so check out this store. Also try- Lucile's Kitchen, Cactus Club, lh print shop, Season's Gleanings, and Lou Paper.

This map from artist Wendy Gold turns the whole world into bouquets of flowers. This is so pretty, and it reminds me of Napoleon's wife who had a huge collection of gorgeous botanical drawings. May be the perfect piece for a mudroom or office.

If you want to gift something really different, these stained glass panels are both geometric and organic. I love that they are made in Kentucky, and it could look perfect in your window.

Ok, these are my best ideas, what are yours? How do you make a gift thoughtful, fun, and useful all at the same time!? It's a tall order, but I believe it can be done!

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Wedding Wednesday- With These Rings...

The engagement ring is the first big purchase on the way to Marriedville, and no matter which partner does it, it makes for a very daunting buy- what if you pick something they don't like? How can you figure out what he or she would wear everyday of his or her life without giving away the surprise?

The ring's symbolic connection to marriage is a long tradition through multiple cultures- ancient Egyptians were buried wearing rings. That's how far back it goes. In 1477, Archduke Maximilian in Austria gave one of the first recorded diamond engagement rings to his lady Mary of Burgundy (the diamonds in this ring made an "M"- well-played, sir). The diamond supply shot up in the 1860's when they are found in South Africa, and DeBeers owned the vast majority of these mines and diamonds by the 1880's. Tiffany's market's their setting in the 90's, and by the early 20's, the diamond engagement ring is completely ubiquitous and expected. The tradition of the ring was co-opted into something very different, and it made some people a lot of money.

Some people point to wedding rings as particularly old-fashioned, marks of ownership and patriarchy. .Of course, lots of people don't follow this tradition exactly anymore, but even if you forego the engagement ring, shopping for rings is probably going to happen somewhere in the journey to the altar. The engagement ring has come under particular fire for good reason, but you can participate in a way that works for you with a little creativity.


So, we all know that diamonds and jewelry are one of the most environmentally friendly and highly ethical industries out there, right? That's why the term "Blood Diamond" exists- to reference how little blood is shed for diamonds? Isn't that what that movie is about? A lot of hugging? Snow White's dwarves?

Alright, so maybe not. Diamonds and jewelry are notoriously unethical and unsustainable. Not only are those giant honking engagement rings totally unwieldy (how do they not get caught on everything?), they also are epically wasteful. Conflict diamonds (or diamonds mined to fund insurgencies and violence) are shockingly common, and the rush to make money on these gemstones means a lot of diamonds come with an ugly history long before a ring hits a finger.

Debeers has a shocking monopoly on the industry, treats their people disgustingly, and definitely belongs at the table of Nestle's evil capitalist villians. I mean, these guys are actively and intentionally despicable, and if you are buying a new diamond without doing your research, you are most definitely giving them your money.

But you want to propose to your partner or you are shopping for wedding rings- what do you do?

You could just not wear a ring- marriage as ownership is certainly outdated, though I can say I still really like wearing rings with the Boy. I feel like it is a symbol of partnership, like a team jersey, but you can do this a million ways, so do what works for you.

You could go the tattoo route, but that is a dangerous game, my friend. Tattoos tempt fate something awful.

Or, you can buy rings, but go about it differently. A big price tag or a big rock doesn't necessarily mean big success in marriage, so you can go about it a different way. Just last week, Mila Kunis said that she and her husband bought their wedding rings on Etsy for 90 dollars each. I am willing to bet they got them at such a great price because the metal was recycled. Other celebrities are starting to boast engagement rings with alternative stones. I have a hunch non-diamond engagement rings are not only on trend, but on the rise.

The diamond ring set is not the only way to celebrate. Be creative and come up with something meaningful to you.

Want to buy rings in a more ethical and eco-friendly way? Stay out of Kay Jewelers, Jared's, all those mall places that are trying to sell you diamonds at the cheapest possible price. When you prioritize new, easy, and cheap as a consumer, you are inevitably sacrificing ethical making and eco-friendly shipping in the process. But every kiss does not begin with K. And most people could care less if you went to Jared's. Skip that nonsense.

You are way better off buying a more original ring with a smaller diamond (because really, that's a pain in the butt) but a less horrible history. That's an investment worth keeping forever.

So, if you want to buy a ring but steer clear of all the nastiness that comes with it, here are some choices.

1. Get Something Used/ Vintage/ Antique

from Brilliant Earth

If you are going to get a diamond, get a vintage/ antique/ or freaking pawn shop one.Just buy your diamonds used, whatever term you want to attach to it.

 DeBeers still owns a shocking percentage of all the diamonds in the world (so much so that they actually hoard them to create scarcity and protect themselves against their grossly mistreated miners), and the best way to get a diamond without giving them their money is to get them used. Bottom line.

These diamond rings have a reputation for lasting forever (thanks James Bond), but people and marriages don't last forever. So at this point, there are SO many rings already in the world, waiting for a spruce and a new finger to live on. There is so much vintage jewelry in the world. Some of it could be heirlooms in your family or you can find jewelry in most antique stores. Start your search at jewelry stores nearby that have antique or vintage options available, in conversations with your parents, even in the jewelry you might already have.

Buying used means that the jewelry hasn't traveled such a far distance, and you can feel confident that you aren't funding the horrors of the diamond industry by buying a new diamond. Metals can also be recycled, so you can find tons of recycled rings out there. It means something is getting re-used, which is always a more eco-friendly choice than others.

from spring thaw

If you can't find something just browsing stores or old jewelry boxes, Brilliant Earth (we will talk more about them later) has the most drool-worthy vintage rings ever.  Etsy also has a huge collection of antique rings to browse through (you can also narrow the search by putting in "solitaire antique ring" etc). This one from Spring Thaw is from the 1800's, and it could be perfect for someone (though they have some gorgeous solitaires as well). If I had it to do over again, I think I would direct The Boy to these rings, because they feel so special and they are so much more ethical. That being said, if you are patient enough to check local sources first, you might find something for an amazing price as well, and you are supporting your local economy.

2. Go for a Different Stone

Other stones come with other problems, so you still need to do some research, but in general, you will do better for price, ethics, and eco-friendliness if you steer toward something more original. Just skipping the diamond can make any choice a little bit better,

This is one of those eco-friendly choices that is also way better for your pocket and your life. If it doesn't really matter a lot to you (or the person you are proposing to- but be clear on that), you can save the money and put extra hundreds or even thousands of dollars into your honeymoon. That's a big deal, and you will have a ring that most likely doesn't look like anyone else's.

Moissanite

Moissanite was discovered in the 1860's and confused with diamonds, and this gemstone has only been in the jewelry market since 1998. It has that clear glassy look and hard surface of a diamond, but it can be made synthetically so it doesn't require any unethical mining. The patents for making moissanite expired in 2015, so now no single company can create a monopoly on it in the United States. This stone is one of your most ethical and eco-friendly choices, and it basically looks like diamonds. Very cool (and affordable) option and it's common enough that you can pick from 13,000 American-made options just on Etsy for this gemstone. Here are three-

from Laura Morgenson

I love a more minimalist piece of jewelry, because it goes with everything (and you are wearing that sucker for the rest of your life). Laura Morgenson sells minimalist engagement rings with moissanite that are only 150-250 dollars. So cheap, so brilliant.

from barzahav

On the total other end of the spectrum, sometimes your partner is just the kind of person who wants some serious wow factor. This ring, if made with diamonds, would be 10,000 dollars at least. With moissanite, you can get something like this from barzahav for 1,300. That's 8,700 dollars difference (twice the cost of the average honeymoon).

from lamore designs

Lastly, even though this gemstone is new, you could buy something with a definite vintage feel like the rings from lamore designs. So pretty and feminine.

Sapphire

If a used alternative gemstone ring was good enough for Princess Kate, what the heck are the rest of us doing? When you look at the sapphire rings out there, it is impossible not to feel awed and inspired. Here are a couple good ones, but GO BROWSE!

from Alea Marie Co

For your best impression of a British royal. I do love that Alea Marie Co makes their sapphires instead of mining them, and they look like the kind of ring a girl would dream of.

from Engaged with Diamonds

This antique ring from Engaged with Diamonds combines diamonds and sapphires in such a unique way. Never thought I'd like something like this, but the ring is winning me over big time.

from okimodo

My favorite of all the sapphires I have seen has to be this peach one from okimodo. I love everything about this ring.

from S Kimd Co

Ahhh! Maybe it is a tie with this S Kind Co engagement ring. I love the color, and it looks timeless and right now at the same time (try this teal one too or this one from Trudy's Gems),

Citrine

from Just Vintage 4 U

Citrine isn't a very common gemstone to go with, but this ring from Just vintage 4 U (horrible name) makes a strong argument for using something a little stranger. Really pretty, bright, and crazy affordable. For a couple who really cares less about material things.

Pearl

This always looks amazing to me, but I do think you should think twice before going this route. Diamond hardness is rated at a ten. Pearls can be as low as three, so they damage much more easily. You have to know the delicacy and lifestyle of the wearer before taking this leap.

from Lux Crown

Lux Crown is a great store for both vintage and gemstone rings. I love so many of their rings, including this beauty. Their pearl rings are only 250 dollars, and they are all absolutely beautiful.They have some beautiful opal, aquamarine, and amethyst numbers as well.

from Belmar Jewelers

This vintage pearl and diamond ring from Belmar Jewelers looks completely timeless and memorable to me. This one from DeKara's Diamonds has a similar look.

Amethyst

from Lux Crown

This ring from Lux Crown really shows off the purple color- it's a high impact ring for 250 dollars.

Emerald 

Emeralds also have a little bit of a mixed reputation for something worn daily because they can crack. On the other hand, that emerald green is classic, timeless, and incredibly memorable. They are pretty popular right now, and for good reason. You should get extra insurance on it if you go this route.

from Valerie K Studio

Valerie K Studio combines a straight lined, almost preppy stone with an organic vine band. I wouldn't expect it to work, but it really does. I don't actually remember people's engagement rings often, but I sure would remember this.

from Rare Earth

Holy Moly, this ring is amazing. Would be classy and unique forever, and every gemstone and diamond is conflict-free. I also love that Rare Earth will make a setting for a stone you already have, so if you have an heirloom ring with a great stone that otherwise isn't quite the style you want, you could take an old gem and turn it into something as gorgeous as this.

Diamond Substitutes

from Tiger Gemstones

Diamond "Simulants" may have a stigma, but guess what? No one can tell the difference, you save a bunch of money (go on a trip instead), and you can feel confident that no one lost their life procuring your diamond. Tiger Gemstones specializes in these kind of rings, and they might be good to partner with a diamond engagement ring if you have a particular idea or don't want to track down antique diamond rings twice.

I also love these rings from Life Spirals, which basically sells vintage fake diamonds. It's a good reminder that diamonds have never been an absolute must (we just put that pressure on ourselves.

This is, of course, just the tip of the iceberg (rubies, aquamarine, opal, etc) so if you have a gemstone in mind, start searching on Etsy to see what is out there! Avoiding diamonds will save you so much money while getting you incredible bang for your buck. At the same time, you are making one of the greenest choices you can as a couple, so you can feel so good about the choice. 

3. Try Brilliant Earth

Brilliant Earth began as a response to the extreme abuse in the diamond industry, and their mission is to make the jewelry industry more transparent, sustainable, and ethical. They use responsible mining practices and don't use child labor (oh yeah, that's a thing in the diamond industry too- nice, DeBeers). They also donate 5% of their profits back to communities that had been ravaged by the diamond industry. This includes restoring lands for agricultural use after the mining destroyed usable land.

As a side note, Brilliant Earth's rings are gorgeous. My favorites are the vintage, but there are so many beautiful things. Some feature non-diamond stones as well, so you can save money and have a more original ring if that is your style. Be sure to browse around the website and see what you find. You can also create your own diamond ring, which I think many people would see as a very sweet gesture.

Lastly, they do have wedding bands as well, so check there before you buy something else. These rings aren't going to be your most cost-effective choice (hello, check Etsy, people!) but you can feel like the ring you are purchasing is at least doing a little good in the world instead of quite a bit of evil.

4, If you haven't yet, fall in love with Etsy

Etsy has about 20,000 options for American-made or antique rings, and I swear I looked through half of that. They are fantastic. You can purchase your rings from the person who made it. If we could do it again, we would be wearing Etsy rings.You can support an American artisan, get rings made from recycled metal, potentially save a lot of money, and wear something no one else in the world has. Plus, you would feel as cool as Mila Kunis, so that is nice. There are so many to go through, and I honestly don't think I can do it justice, but I will just point to a (BIG) handful of my favorites. If you are buying rings, engagement or marriage or anniversary or just to keep your finger warm, you need to browse through here.

For an Engagement Ring- 

from S Kind Co

S Kind Co is my favorite find for engagement rings on Etsy. These rings perfectly ride the line between modern and traditional, feminine and simple. And they are crazy eco-friendly, but no one would guess unless you wanted to tell them. The company uses recycled settings, metals, and gems, and where they fill in with something new, they use moissanite. By re-pairing the old cuts with recycled settings, things look modern while being loaded with history. They also have a great mix of recycled diamonds and moissanite gems, so you can go with the eco-friendly option that works for you. Someone buy this one, because it is the prettiest thing ever.

from Engaged with Diamonds

Engaged with Diamonds is based out of San Francisco, and they have some of the most original and just cool rings I have ever seen. This ring reminds me of a string knotted around a finger, and I just love it.

from Estate Diamond Jewelry

Estate Diamond Jewelry sells some of the most beautiful rings you have ever seen in your life. They are also crazy expensive. I only found a couple under 10,000 dollars (this one is 5,800), so I think this is way out of most of our shopping ranges. On the other hand, if you are a fancypants looking to be eco-friendly, these antique and estate diamonds will be right up your beautiful alley. Need to look at more super snazzy rings that cost more than your car? Check out Antique Jewelry NYC.

from Ferguson's Fine Jewelry

Ferguson's Fine Jewelry sells all sorts of vintage engagement rings, wedding bands, and diamonds from earlier eras, Victorian, Edwardian, Art Deco, and Mid-Century. Lots look surprisingly modern, and you can find ones with alternate gemstones as well. Most are very simple and low-priced as well.

from Art Deco Diamonds

Art Deco Diamonds has one of the largest collections of rings I have seen on Etsy. They have lots of vintage and antique rings, and so many look almost like a traditional contemporary ring, but a little more detailed and a little more special. This is a good one to look at if your partner likes that deco style. For similarly unique rings, check Alistir Wood Tait- they are based out of the UK, so not perfect, but they curate some gorgeous antique rings (I especially love some of their other gemstones)!

from Wilson Brothers

If you are buying rings online, you probably want someone well-vetted. Wilson Brothers has over 2000 rings and over 2000 positive reviews already. With that much, you know you will see some variety so you have lots to choose from.

from Janish Jewels

Janish Jewels out of New York City sells rings with all kinds of alternative gems and conflict-free raw diamonds for rings unlike anything I have ever seen before. The lines are organic and unique, and I want to know the cool ladies who wear engagement rings like these. So different and so beautiful, but it definitely takes some originality to go this route.

from Shop Clementine

I can't finish this section without pointing to one more amazing shop- Shop Clementine. This jeweler, based out of Massachusets makes rings cooler than everything I own combined. Most have a minimalist aesthetic, but a slightly quirky one, and I love the subtlety of even the engagement rings- not everyone has to try to be like J Lo (that lady has knows gargantuan rings... also, divorce). You can also find lots of beautiful alternative gems. They use recycled metal, conflict-free stones, and they do wedding bands as well.

For Wedding Rings-

from Natural Ezanica

If you like wearing your nature-loving heart on your finger (or you just love the look of wood over metal, these rings from Natural Ezanica will be unique and perfect. They make me think of a minimalist wedding in Big Sur or a Hawaiian beach, Plus, the rose gold and other metals is recycled! This store has 600+ positive reviews as well, and they seem to be especially popular for grooms (it makes sense- they do have a masculine look).

from Brightsmith

Brightsmith from Austin, Texas sells woodgrain sets. But totally different from the last store- metal with an organic texture and aesthetic. I especially love the combination of thicker bark rings and the more delicate twig bands This store has more minimalist hammered bands, and they also have a whole "weddings on a budget" folder. The overall feel is rustic minimalist.

from Peaces of Indigo

Peaces of Indigo, from Nashivlle, sells some of my favorite wedding bands ever- these rings are made out of antique silver she has reworked and engraved to make patterned wedding bands. Not as minimal as most of what is popular now, but I love the bohemian feel, like you made the rings yourself out of your Grandma's silver. Just incredibly cool, and she has about 1600 glowing reviews, so you know they look even better in person.

from Mountain Ursus Designs

Want to outdo Mila Kunis? These rings from Mountain Ursus Designs are 27 dollars and made of all recycled copper. I kind of imagine Ron Swanson made them, because they are so straightforward, but copper is such a pretty color. No environmental impact beyond the shipping, and not all that much impact on your wallet either.

from Lilly Emme Jewelry

Looking for something sleek and traditional? Lilly Emme Jewelry from Seattle has wedding sets that match and look both pretty and simple, but they still seem special and kind of sweet. They are also made of recycled metals, so that is awesome.

from Aide Memoir

Aide Memoir sells rings made of 100% recycled metal and conflict-free gemstones, but you would never guess they were any different from any other wedding bands on the market. Minimal and pretty, plus the company sends money off to groups fighting for ethical mining. I love the alternatives they have for both genders, and nothing feels overly feminine or butch. They are also one of the only stores I have seen selling sets specifically for same sex couples, which seems like it should be way more common. Effortless and classic. Sweet Olive Jewelry also sells thin and minimal wedding rings for women. They are made using recycled materials, and they look absolutely beautiful. Nothing fussy and under a hundred dollars, but it might just be perfect.

from VK Eco Jewelry

VK Eco Jewelry makes their jewelry using eco-friendly methods and recycled materials out of Portland, Oregon. Most of their designs are simple and unfussy, but also have a really appealing softness.

Want a recycled ring but didn't find quite what you are looking for? I have a few more places for you to look- Sea Babe Jewelry, 2 Trick Pony, Tiny Sparkle Studio, Metal Wendler, okomido (also great for engagement rings), Torchfire Studio, Silver Smack, Lolide, esdesigns, The Sly Fox (love this store), Melissa Tyson Designs, and metaliscious.

5. Try Another Eco-Friendly Jeweler

Forget "alternative." Jewelers that take a more responsible approach to their work are so easy to find. And start local- ou may be surprised. Maybe because this is a field dominated by artists, you can find tons of creative and thoughtful solutions to the problems jewelry creates for the environment. You might find something right in yoru neighborhood. Maybe you won't be able to afford it, but you just might be surprised. It doesn't hurt to look. A few options I found (very quickly no less, though there is definitely a wide range of price points here); Ken and Dana Design, Monique Pean, Bashford Jewelry (more affordable), Leber Jewelry's Earthwise Collection, DoAmore Rings (part of a clean water initiative),

This is a lot right? And the waking of a certain toddler is cutting me off, so I will add even more later. Stay out of mall jewelry stores or places that aren't outspoken about the ethics of their diamonds' mining. It's a big deal, and you don't need that blood on your hands when you are walking down the aisle. Plus, you can save money, save fossil fuels, even reuse metal or gems this way- so your bands for life can do a whole lot of good!

And check out previous Wedding Wednesdays for more ways to make your wedding better for the world around you!

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Hey Matt Walsh: Take it Easy on Young People

This week another Matt Walsh blog has been floating around my facebook newsfeed, and though I generally like the frankness of his writing, I really though this blog was more destructive than interesting. Matt was encouraging people in their 20's to get married and have babies- revolutionary, right? I think that this blog hit on a few of the key assumptions that I think are very destructive to our mission as Christians:

1. This (insert choice here) has worked really well for me, so clearly everyone should do it.
2. Oh, this choice doesn't fit you? Then clearly there is something really really wrong with you (because it couldn't possibly be my plan or perspective, which should fit everyone).

This set of moves in logic drives me absolutely nuts, as it tries to negate the many privilege you have that fuel your choices ("everyone should buy a Ferari, and if you don't, it must be because you are stupid") and the profound, deep, and beautiful differences between people (all of whom were made by the same God). As a 28 year old who is in fact married and having a baby, you would think I would support his argument, but I mostly think he is way off base this time. Here's why:

Walsh starts off his argument by saying that we are the most marriage-averse generation in history, and therefore our current behavior is another sign of society's destruction. I mean, we could spend a whole blog just talking about how narrow minded and historically incorrect that point is. Maybe he means in Western history? Judeo Christian history? Not to mention, if you measure marriage ages against average lifespans, we aren't that far off the general mark.

 Also, does being married at 25 really make you that radically different from your peers? I have a very large collection of bridesmaid dresses that beg to differ. If the social-expectation has changed, it hasn't done so in such a dramatic way that a married person in their mid-20's has become am exotic rare flower. Less marriages? Sure, yes. So much so that it deserves this sense of urgency? I don't thik so.

Walsh sees the institution of marriage as "integral to our advancement" as a species, and again, he isn't wrong (I mean, if we all suddenly stopped being able to reproduce Children of Men style, we would be in trouble), but the situation also does seem more complex than that. We are one of the first generations who can clearly see the cost of very dense human populations on the world's resources, and I think you could make the argument that taking it slightly easier on reproducing can be beneficial to the ever-growing population of unwanted children (I know at least two unrelated people who chose to adopt rather than marry and bear children) as well as the potential problems of population overgrowth. Maybe Matt Walsh is in the "Global Warming, who?" pack of Christians, and I can actually respect that, but there is an absolute arrogance to suggesting that the duggars are doing the world 19 times the favor by having way more kids, using way more resources, and announcing their pregnancies 10 minutes after conception.

I also think he is only talking about marriage as the heteronormative privilege (hence the extreme focus on child-making), leaving out the fact that not everyone can get married. Just the choice is a privilege many still don't have, and I don't think that should be forgotten here.

Marriage and kids obviously doesn't have to mean super-spawning, but the starting suggestion that we are self-destructing because we aren't all hankering to populate the Earth might have as much to do with what the world looks like (I mean, most of us also aren't living agrarian lifestyles, and therefore don't need to produce our own workforce) as a generational attitude.


Matt implores us, his friends, to not be afraid of marriage. I think that's a fair enough request. Avoiding anything because you are afraid of it is a pretty sad and self-defeating way to live. But so is doing things just because you think it is what you are "supposed to do." Again, not everyone even can do it, so the access to it is not as simple or self-evident as the essay suggests. He seems to only be writing to people who are just like him, meaning they probably also think just like him already.

I am married. I am going to have a baby, so I can't say "oh this institution is bunk." I like being married so far, and I do think everyone should have the choice to do it. But I can also recognize that I benefit from a lot of privileges that make the choice available and just doable. So here are a few factors I think Matt got wrong or should consider more fully:

1. Not everyone needs marriage- Matt points out early in the article that he lived completely on his own and then with a spouse. He prefers living with his wife over living alone. Awesome. I am happy for you, but is it not possible that some people might actually enjoy being alone more? I mean, you can find these figures in the Bible, so we know it isn't the only available focus. I also completely believe that God gives a lot of important and loving relationships in our life; it is cool when we can have a spouse who fits in that category, but to not notice the other hugely important bonds you have in your life is kind of ungrateful. Siblings, friends, and room mates can hold equally important positions in a heart. These other relationships and priorities can require equal commitment and labor, but it may not look as conventional from the outside. Again, just because this one source works for you does not mean that is the case for everyone.

2. "Just be more Mature" is not Helpful Advice- A number of Matt's points (1, 3, and 5) suggest that you can't wait until you have your life/ money/ career totally worked out before you get married because that will never happen. In theory, I actually totally agree with that; my experience with adulthood so far is that no one ever knows what the heck they are doing, so you have to take some leaps before you totally understand the situation, or you will stand still your whole life. Truth.

On the other (very important) hand, we are not projects for another person to fix. No one is ever going to help you get to a good point with yourself, and I don't think there is anything wrong with that at all. You will keep growing and changing, and the amazing trick of lasting marriages is somehow coordinating that change, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be good with who you are at the starting gate. If you get married too early in your 20's, you cut off those few years where you don't owe your choices to parents or your spouse. You only have a teeny window to factor only yourself into that equation, and though that time isn't necessary for everyone, it is essential for others. It doesn't make you selfish to want to have independent growth, it is selfish to expect someone else to take care of that growth for us. Taking your time and making the decision with some experience behind it could show more respect for the decision.

3. Priorities aren't necessarily jumbled because they don't look like yours- Yeah, you basically do need money (and basic money-handling skills) to be married! I love that he feels like people aren't getting married because they want to buy iphones. How condescending can you be, man? Money is a tremendously stressful part of our lives, and in general, many people don't get into the jobs they want or trained for until struggling through free labor and minimum wage situations. Bringing in that level of stress to a marriage shows a lack of maturity to me, if anything. Feeding 2 people costs more than one, and even if you can minimize that impact as you add more and more, but it doesn't change the fact that you need to figure out how to feed one first. 

I would say the key positive advice here is to take the time to know what your priorities are, because spending money on stuff that isn't even that important to you is easy to fall into. I know that I have trouble sometimes accepting other people's priorities, but you don't get to say someone else is being selfish just because they don't do life like you do. I can remember on more than one occasion a friend telling me they can't travel like we do because they are married/ have a baby/ aren't rich like us. We prioritized travel for a long time (giving up lots of other things), because we valued our relationships with our extended family that much. We could have gotten married and started spawning sooner if we didn't want to see our grandmas multiple times a year, but that isn't who we are, and I have no interest in apologizing for it. Nor do I think anyone else should. If you want an iphone, or a trip to France, or to be able to volunteer and go on mission trips more than you want to be married, why would that be a bad thing?

4. The Right One (Soulmate, One and Only, etc) does not Exist, but there are Plenty of Wrong Ones- I don't believe in soul mates or the One, and I also do think it can create a situation where you can hand off responsibility to fate when maybe taking care of your relationship would be a healthier course. At the same time, just because there isn't a One and Only doesn't mean any interested applicant would fit just fine. As a kid, I thought you could make it work with anyone if you wanted it bad enough, but that assumption is totally and ridiculously wrong. Compatible communication styles matter. Shared values matter. Please, for goodness sakes, be choosy and don't hand your heart off to anyone who shows interest. Finding a good partner, who you really can be friends with, seems way more important to me than just locking something down.

5. Boooooo Lame Tropes about Biology- I have generally enjoyed Matt Walsh because he seems deeply respectful of the women in his life, but all of number 7 is a straight-to-all-you-vagina-carriers  bummer. It again suggests that there is one path to reproduction and nothing else matters, when that clearly isn't the case for SO MANY PEOPLE. Not to mention this kind of "have your babies now or you NEVER GET BABIES" narrative is not only false, but it traps women back into some Susie Homemaker role. I agree that our biology is not a mistake, but I don't agree that just because pregnancy at 22 is the path of least biological resistance means it is the right (or even available) choice for someone else. I love living in a world where multiple routes to parenthood exists, and I wish Matt was a lot more open-minded on this front. Pregnancy and parenting are hard on your mind, your body, and your time. Someone has to take care of that tiny person, and it is a simultaneously selfless and totally selfish thing to devote time you could be giving to others to a tiny person that continues your own "legacy." If you want to invest your body or time or things elsewhere, I say phooey on anyone who makes you feel bad about it (I also say phooey on anyone who tries to make you feel bad for choosing to have kids). You only have so much effort and time, that is absolutely true, but creating some arbitrary finish lines robs you of the value of what you are doing now. And on that note...

6. Maybe marriage and parenthood will be the best adventure of your life. Or it could be going to nurse children's heart surgeries in Africa. Or writing your first book. Or becoming a badass embroidery artist. Or curing cancer. Or going on a balloon journey across the ocean-  I am glad that Matt is so happy with his choice, and that it has proven to be so exciting and enriching for him. But I am not Matt. And neither are any of you. So have the adventures you want to have, because really, if your dream is to build the Eiffel Tower out of dry spaghetti or make the next great American film, or lobby against handguns or for animal shelters, or speak 10 languages, those are all pretty awesome adventures too. I want to hear all about those. Even if you get married and have kids, please have your adventures too. I hate the suggestion that the dream of a family should trump all other dreams. In relationships, you have to have your own interests and growth to keep bringing something fresh to the table; I can't see why that wouldn't be the same for families.

7. No, You aren't your Parents. But then again, you kind of are (and no matter what, you are carrying a bunch of their nonsense with you)- Matt happily owns that his parents remain married, then suggests that many of us poor millenials are "jaded" by our unhappy childhoods. I find it interesting that Matt feels we were victimized by our "selfish, immature parents" while simultaneously suggesting we get married sooner (wouldn't it be better not to reproduce until some of that selfishness was worked out?). But I would argue that so many adults whose parents were divorced aren't jaded, but take deeply seriously the incredible challenges marriage brings with it. This business is incredibly difficult, and you put everything you are on the line to make it work. We see how crushing it is to everyone when it fails, and I have had so many long, deep conversations about how we can do it differently, but also how we know we are the same. Matt chalks it all up to our parents' choices, but from my perspective, sometimes a bad fit doesn't immediately reveal itself. Or not everyone is in on the choice to dissolve a marriage. A partnership can promote a lot of growth, but the destruction of one leaves scars forever, and pretending they don't exist is a fool's game.

Not to mention, if you haven't lived in a household with a happy marriage at the center of it, you have to author your own idea of what a happy marriage would even look like. In some ways, I think this is incredibly freeing, but building something totally new just takes longer than taking a path that you've already seen work.

Couldn't it be that our generations isn't being flippant or selfish or even afraid, but that we are taking the institution of marriage more seriously by taking our time, making informed decisions, and choosing a path that specifically fits our understandings of ourselves? I am the same age as Matt Walsh and stand on the other end of my 20's just like him. I just don't think there is a wrong way to do it as long as you aren't hurting yourself or others. I am excited and encouraged to see all of the ways people get from here to there, and I feel relieved that there is no one finish line we are all racing toward. Everyone gets to make their own path and design their own life the way that best suits them, and in general, I see people taking that responsibility very seriously (and no, not just in some naval-gazing way, but asking great questions about who they are so they can really give to others). We are also one of the most volunteering generations since that history has been documented, and I don't think that is unrelated to the same trends Matt bemoans.

I understand that when you like the way things are going, you want so badly for everyone to get to feel that same joy, but I think essays like these make the mistake of taking that instinct too far. Someone making another choice doesn't make your choice (or theirs) bad. The beauty of reaching your 20's is that we are each fulfilling our own goals, so grading someone else by your rubric of happiness or priorities becomes completely (and thankfully) ineffective. So get married if you want (I never turn down an occasion for cake), or don't, or do it later, or do it once everyone can do it. I think we can each individually put goodness, selflessness, and love into the world in a way that fits exactly the person God made them into, and that's a beautiful miracle, not a threat. 







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