My Ten Favorite Buy Nothing Moments

I love my Buy Nothing Group.

I know, I talk about it a lot, but I genuinely feel that being part of the Buy Nothing Project radically shifted my perception of stuff, my community, even myself. The project connects neighbors through hyper local facebook groups. The members can offer and ask for things freely. It keeps things you don't want out of landfills and keeps people from wasting money. In cities, it helps you get to know your neighbors and in small communities, it creates new bonds. It's all kinds of awesome.

Expect me to keep talking about it, because my goal is that by the end of 4 years the 280,000 members will have grown to at least 2 million. It is all about people empowering themselves, but I am just going to keep talking about it until someone in Franklin, PA starts a group already. Or you give up and ask to join yours. This could help everyone, freeing up money to make more ethical and environmentally-responsible choices, so the more of us who join, the better.

It also just makes daily life better. When I get on facebook, my news feed shows me people being kind to each other, not because of who they are, but because that is what you do. I have had so many positive interactions with my neighbors, which is way swell, and I just feel better about the universe. That is pretty big these days. I have been in this gift economy for a year and a half, and these are some of my favorite interactions:

10. Gifting our Christmas Wreath

 I bought a fresh wreath at an elementary school fundraiser mostly to make my house smell like a real Christmas tree, even though we continue to use our trusty artificial one (It will look like a used fake eyelash before we throw that bad boy away). We were headed back home for the holidays, and it felt like a shame to let the wreath go to waste, so I gifted it to a young mom looking for a few decorations for her apartment. She walked a couple miles to get it, so I honored the badassery with glass of water, and we ended up sitting and chatting for a few hours while our kids played near each other (toddlers never play together- why do people pretend?). It was an unexpected way to spend our last Christmasy afternoon in the city. Plus that gorgeous pine stink still stuck for a while.

9. Gifted Tablecloths

My brother is getting married in a few weeks, so when someone recently offered 40 wedding tablecloths, I jumped at it. Do you know just how many tablecloths that is? It was HEAVY. Hopefully the tablecloths can get washed and regifted, so they will see at least 3 couples through their wedding day.

free

8.Gifted Popping Push Toy/ Plastic Shopping Cart/ Plastic Tree House/ Plastic Wagon

I hate fresh plastic toys- so much waste for no reason! Luckily, my son still got one of those magnetic drawing boards, the shopping cart, even one of those popper toys. His plastic tree house is one of his favorites. We just got them all for free. And when we are done with them, some other kid will get them for free. At this age, they can't tell the difference between used and new, and my hope is that I am giving him a different value system. The newest, shiniest thing doesn't have intrinsically more value.  More toys does not equal more fun. We have gifted toys and been gifted toys over and over again, so at any given time his collection is at least 50% used. It saves us so much money, but more importantly, it sends him important messages about consumerism and giving (not hoarding) as a regular part of life.

7.Gifting Spruce Sap

One of the group members was looking for sap from a spruce tree. We have a spruce tree! An hour or two later, our tree was less sticky and we got to help someone with a school project. Also, I learned that spruce trees are sappy. The best kind of random.

6. Gifting Treadmill/ Gifted Crib

We kicked off healthy 2016 by giving away our treadmill (perfect sense, right?). A woman got it, and her husband and his friend loaded it in their van. In November, I was gifted a crib from the same family. My husband and his brother loaded it into our car. Just goes to show that these things come around pretty fast.

about to find more pavers. also got the bucket (originally for frosting) on BN

5. Gifting Pavers

 Our flipped yard is really just built on top of the previous yard, so every time we go to do something, we find a whole floor of pavers underneath. Lucky for us, we kicked off our summer giving away a bunch of those big rocks to people to put paths through their gardens. One mom came with her toddler and loaded so many that it made her car sit lower. One woman's super annoying rock pit is another woman's treasure.

4. Gifted Food Magazines

For one of my class projects, I need pictures of food. Lots of pictures of food. So many pictures of food. Usually, I would buy a pile of food magazines and old cookbooks to fill that need. This year, I asked my Buy Nothing, and I got so many I shouldn't have to ask again for a long time. Happy to be recycling for someone, especially when the recycling turns out this cute.

3. Gifting (and watching Gifting) for people who really need it

Our city is growing fast, but lots of people are still really struggling, and I have been awed by how many times people have stepped up to help. I have seen people rally around moms leaving domestic violence situations. I have seen 10-20 people step up when someone asks for a ride to the hospital. I have seen them drop off food to someone who can't shop. We have given our newborn clothes to a premie and our swing to an exhausted mother of twins. We have given hats and warm clothes to the homeless. We have helped the group outfit elementary school classrooms with supplies. I have watch so many people empty their cupboards to help their neighbor.

I know we have problems, but I genuinely believe, have to believe that we as Americans are fundamentally good. When faced with an individual who needs help, I have never seen the group go silent. Someone helps. Usually, at least a dozen people offer. Being a participant in this is great, but it does my soul so much good to be a witness. Because when I leave my house, even in this big city, I know how many kind people are around me.

2. Gifting a Wedding Dress

I foolishly impulse bought a wedding dress at Priscilla of Boston because they were closing and had a ridiculous clearance. In the end. I wore a different dress. This spring, a woman asked if anyone had a wedding dress to gift or lend, and I did! So it traveled with my Dad and his wife across the country for her to try on. And it looked perfect. Little did I know I bought her dress for her, but it was fate. She looks amazing.

They get married next year, so I won't post a picture, but I could not be more excited about this. So glad the dress is going to good use and honored to have helped with their day!

1. Gifted the Dining Room Table

Last October, my husband was home for a sick day, and we ended up loading our sick butts into the car, renting a van, and going to a stranger's house to pick up the table. I had thrown my hat in for the table, but he was picked, then it didn't work in his space. Not only was it a kind of fun adventure, but I am super sentimental about this table. It was another growing family's first, and now our family will grow up eating their meals around this table.

It has been a lot of work (put on pause because we found out we were pregnant soon after), but the table only cost us 15 dollars for the van rental. Compare it to the same table at Pottery Barn, we saved over 2,000 dollars. We can put that money toward a trip or adventure for our family, and when it is done, we will still have a beautiful space. I love the table and I feel so grateful to live in the kind of neighborhood where things are given so freely and happily.

That's what this is all about to me. When we are willing to share with our neighbors, we can build new bonds and reprioritize our life. It doesn't have to all be about the next thing you are going to buy, and you spend most of the time considering what you have that you can give. If you aren't in a Buy Nothing group, check out their page and join. If there isn't one where you live, let's talk about starting one. This thing can change the world and change your life!

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Wedding Wednesday- Unique and Eco-Friendly Wedding Invites and Other Paper Goods

from Alison Kate Design in Missouri

I have strayed away from this topic before, because it seems like one of the more obvious choices for greening your wedding- if you care about the environment, you have probably thought about this. On the other hand, I know I thought that recycled invitations all have a very specific look. Like a mason jar wrapped in burlap, but in paper form. Like maybe some granola will fall out of the envelope.

What is surprising is that you can get recycled paper invitations in ANY style. No matter what kind of scene you want to set, you can do it on recycled paper.

Once you know recycled paper invites (and other wedding paper goods- save the dates, thank you cards, etc.) can come in as mainstream, traditional, quirky, indie, or whatever else style you want, it opens up the opportunity to do something good on the sly. You can find anything you need without one tree falling down, and in that way, your wedding is doing some real good.

Here are some of the best options I found for Eco-Friendly wedding invitations that can be as unique or mainstream as you want them to be. Even if this isn't something you ever considered, be sure to take a look, because your wedding is a step into your future, and we all want a future with clear air.

Let's do this!

 Forever Fiances

This ridiculously cool save the date and wedding invitation company gives you two eco-friendly options for your invites.First, you can buy plantable invitations! These are made of recycled paper with plants inbedded inside of them, so your guests can go plant them after the fact. If that feels a little too heavy-handed for your style, they have recycled paper options as well (they call them "new tree free- I love that!). I actually like the plantable designs better than the recycled ones, but there are so many options and you can probably find something that works for your plans.

This is so unique and cool, and I think it sets the stage for a great wedding, whether you want to foreground your eco-friendly choices or let the day be about something else. Their prices are almost identical to shops like Wedding Paper Divas, so you won't be breaking the bank, AND you will be saving trees and even starting new ones! Either way, incredibly exciting. Why don't all companies work this way?

Jealous you can't get married again to use this company? Me too! They also sell personalized business cards, invitations, and other stationary, so check them out.

Your Local Invitation Maker (this includes you)

Lots of communities and cities have local options for calligraphers. It may be easier to get something online, but be sure to look around and see what is available near you, because dealing with an actual person can be more satisfying. You are supporting a local business, cutting down your weddings carbon footprint, and you can get exactly what you want.

If you are particularly talented in this area (and you have a good chunk of time), you could totally make your invites yourself! It would be a special and memorable way to go about it, you could pick recycled paper and soy inks, and you will probably save oodles of money to spend elsewhere. You can find eco-friendly papers at lots of these stores, like Green Field Paper Co.

 If doing the invites sounds like a lot, you can also consider how to use those skills or that beautiful penmanship elsewhere in the events; make the menu (maybe do one standing card per table or a large sign to cut down on paper), make seating charts or placecards or your programs. Paper comes in so many places, and anywhere you can consolidate or do it yourself, you can save money and save trees.

If you are going local, which is awesome, be sure to ask them about recycled paper and soy-based inks. Part of the perk of dealing with a smaller company is that you can talk to them face to face and hopefully work out something that is perfect! This is a cool way to support your community and to help the environment.

Minted

We bought our save the dates from this company, and they looked beautiful and used recycled paper and envelopes. One of the best things about this company is that they have a wide variety of designs coming from many different American designers, so you know your cards will have a style that matches you perfectly. This company always stays just a little bit ahead of trends, and their cards seem cool without trying too hard. They have almost a thousand options, and you can order most with recycled paper for 15-35 dollars extra (pretty affordable). I love them, and I think they are a great option.

Bloomin

Bloomin also sells plantable wedding invites, save the dates, thank you's, seating cards. Basically the whole shebang. I love how broad their paper supplies are, And their designs are mostly simple and timeless (especially considering the whole thing will be buried in the dirt in no time). Waste free and really special, this might still be a great option for one of your other wedding paper needs outside of the invites themselves.

In fact, my favorite might be "Growfetti" which would be a perfect substitute for bubbles (that come in little plastic containers), confetti, or rice. Just make sure it is alright at the place where you are getting married! A church lawn might not be the place, but a country wedding in a big field, it might be just fine.

Green Field Paper

This store sells recycled paper, seeded/ plantable paper, and even paper made of hemp. Before you stick your nose up, be sure to check it out, because they have so many options you might actually find the perfect thing. They don't have a ton of options, and I am not in love with all of them, but some are great and might be just your style. Plus, you can choose which paper your design comes on, so you get to prioritize what matters most to you.

As a side note, this company also sells Christmas cards, including ones made out of 100% junk mail. God bless this company, because that is genius.

Zazzle 

Recycled wedding invitations are becoming common enough now that lots of more mainstream companies like zazzle offer a recycled paper option. Another great option to look through if you aren't finding what you are imagining!

Twisted Limb

This company is on the opposite end of the Zazzle spectrum. They make handmade recycled paper that is stitched into invitations. As someone who has handmade paper before, I can tell you a heck of a lot of time and love went into these beauties. You couldn't get something more precious and special unless you made it yourself. To be totally honest, I am not sure invitations need to be such precious objects; we have kept some wedding invites but they aren't particularly treasured. But if you are having a very small wedding, it might make a really cool splurge.

Wedding Websites

Ok, I am not suggesting you only use an e-invitation unless that suits you (or you are having a pretty informal or tech-savvy wedding), but skipping the rsvp and having people rsvp online is a super efficient and cost effective (see also- free!) way to help the environment. If you send 100 invitations, just skipping the RSVP saves 100 pieces of paper and 100 envelopes. If you skip the whole invite, that is even more. If you are going that route, you can always do something simple like The Knot or wedding Jojo, or if you have the skills, pick something more open-ended, you techie you.

Arbor Day Foundation

Maybe you can't get your invites in these cards, but you could get your thank you cards there! It would be a simple way to have your wedding do some good- every card you buy will pay for a tree. So if you send 50 thank you cards, you also plant 50 trees. That's pretty amazing when you consider how many trees come down a year for wedding invitations.

Etsy

 We all knew I was going to end on this note, but do you know how many gorgeous invitation options you can find there? You can find one made in America (shorter trip, less fossil fuels, lower carbon footprint) and on recycled paper. We bought our invites on Etsy from someone in our state. We loved them so much, and because we were dealing with a real person,  I could just write her and we worked out tablenumbers too!You can also get printables and pick your own recycled cardstock. Here are a few to lust over, but your best bet is to write in "recycled wedding invitations and get to browsing. These are my favorites:

from Cricket Printing

from AMG Design Co

from Casey Snyder Design

from vohandmade

from Eco Weddigs by Cc

This is the tip of the iceberg- be sure to explore the links. I know when I was shopping, I looked for the perfect style that perfectly matched our colors and style and theme, etc etc. I did it, but I still wish I had prioritized differently. You can find that thing that is exactly what you want aesthetically, but we are asking you to This blog is suggesting that if you narrow the field to be "new tree free," you will end up something that may not be "perfect," but you will love it just as much, and you can feel really good about it.

Want more unique and Earth-friendly wedding inspiration?  Check out my Giant List of Shopping Lists!

If you like this post, please share it! This blog is all about making small changes. The more people who make these small shifts, the better the Earth will be!

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Wedding Wednesday- Unique, Eco-Friemdly, and Reusable Cake Topper Ideas

I love a cake topper at a wedding. Part of this is that you just can't be mad about anything cake-related. The other reason is that even if you are at the most straightforward or traditional couple, you can still show a little bit of who you are with this detail. To me, the best weddings are undeniably the couple.

Weddings are a hotbed of waste, and even these details can be pretty wasteful. Anything that you only use or see for only one day is essentially wasteful. I mean, what happens to all those cake toppers after the honeymoon? Ours, which is such a sweet piece from Lollipop Workshop (I swear it wasn't that expensive, but it probably was), lives in a little glass dome in our dining room, but I have never noticed cake toppers up in many homes.

good luck, honey. thaat's a long life ahead of you. from Pieceofcaketoppers4u

So what happens to most cake toppers? Please tell me people aren't putting those horrible ones with the bride dragging the groom up in their house somewhere. You dragged him to the wedding and now you are dragging hi though life? Poor life choices.

Rather than buying something generic, this is the perfect opportunity to buy something local or made in America. People have all kinds of amazingly creative ideas out there. Plus, if you have something in mind, I bet you can find someone to bring it to life (or make somehting yourself- you can do it!). Some etsy toppers are expensive, but many are no more than what you would buy in the store. Step one of an eco-friendly topper is to buy or make something that hasn't traveled far.

So these are my best ideas for having a cake topper that you love, that is true to you as a couple, and doesn't spend the rest of your marriage in storage somewhere. Basically, how can you make a cake topper environmentally responsible AND awesome?

from Mr and Mrs Cake Toppers

1. Use Something you Already Love 

This could be anything. Maybe you have picked up trinkets on travels or collect something together. It could be any items you own (that fit on a cake and aren't completely unsanitary), and if it is important to you already, all the better. Do you get salt shakers on vacation? Use those! Collect erotic Precious Moments figurines? Sounds memorable! Wear each other's blood in vials? Please don't put that on the cake, but you get the idea. This idea will cost you nearly no money, can bring in a little more of your real life to the big day, and they can head back to their original purpose (with a little extra honor) once you are wed.

from Ever After Products

Now, you could go two ways with this. Either, leave them as is for a perfectly cool topper, OR dress them up in marital garb to make something no one has seen before (but might not fit as well with a collection). I am obsessed with ones like these gussed up dinosaur toys or these incredibly cool personalized funko pop dolls that ight fit perfectly in some bride or groom's already existing collection (you can be on a shelf with all of your favorite characters, for goodness sake).

from goose grease

2. Pick a Topper with its Future Spot in Mind

I think it would be cool to have your topper on a bedside table, as bookends on your shelf, or as a focal point on a dining room table or mantel. If you shop with the style of your home in mind, you could see your cake topper as a reminder of your wedding everyday (also, a reminder that cake is delicious). Using it as decor in your house is way more subtle and fun than the giant wedding picture. Not that it isn't great too, but this is a different approach. I think these wood peg doll toppers would look sweet and understated as part of your decor, and they aren't so precious or delicate that you have to hide them away. Check etsy for peg toppers, because they really are great.

from Wooden Heart Buttons

My favorite store for this might be Wooden Heart Buttons- a former cake decorator got sick of the expensive plastic toppers coming through and started making toppers with eco-friendly materials specifically intended to be used as decor in your home after the big day. Check them all out- they are beautiful.

from Juniper and Ivy

The laser cut toppers with text or silhouettes are on trend right now, and they could potentially look great in a frame or shadowbox on your wall for a very long time.  If you do go that route, be careful to pick something that is timelessly YOU. The "eat me" toppers are cute, but do you want that on your wall? Also, I'd go wood over plastic- it will look better in most cases (and you can more easily adjust it to fit in a frame)..

from Life Ephemera

3. Look for a Vintage Gem

 Are you a heterosexual Aryan couple that enjoys the good old days? There are already tons of little porcelain white people waiting for you. It doesn't have to be as vanilla as these people, and you can use vintage items to save money and minimize your wedding's footprint. You can get a basic vintage wedding topper for 10-15 dollars. Cheaper than the basic cake toppers available at Walmart, and it's that much less plastic being purchased. Some of these have more personality than others, but it can be a fun and eye-catching option.

from Protector of Vintage

This couple is really committed... to their eyebrows.

from Bean Jean Julie

These two look too old and too young at once- what state allows ancient babies to marry?

from Design Room 3

Love this one. They look like they want to kiss, but just can't figure out what to do next.

Jokes aside, if you are having a wedding with vintage flair, why not poke around and get something that is actually vintage?You can find all sorts of figurines and save the world from ne more object just sitting in an attic somewhere.

from bridal guide

4. Get Something that can have a New Life after the Wedding

 My brother-in-law and sister-in-law had a lego cake topper. They also have a basement full of legos. The topper was true to them, for sure. If you aren't ridiculously sentimental like I am, you can get a cake topper like this that you can actually take apart and use again! If you have kids, toys make a lot of sense. If you are handy, could you use tools? Good in the kitchen? How about a salt and pepper set you can use? It just has to have some use value once you are in your new normal life.

from uncorked and unrewined

5.  Recycled Toppers

 If you can't think of something with a practical life after the wedding, why not get a topper that had a life before? It is a wonderful world. Don't believe me? Look up "recycled cake toppers" on Etsy. Maybe some won't be your style, but one could be exactly right. They take trash and turn it into something you will treasure for the rest of your life. That's pretty cool. Can't find the perfect thing? You could also make it yourself! Get inspired and you can really put yourself out there.

from The Lost Key

I want to go to this steampunk wedding. And 40 dollars? That's a steal from The Lost Key.

from Ready Go

Ready Go makes cake toppers out of recycled cardstock. They are simple and lovely, and you could totally frame it afterward (recycled and reused? You win!). I do love their simplicity, and I think they look sweet without being saccharine or boring. You can also add children for blended families and even get personalized coloring book pages.

from wedding chicks

6. Just Skip It Completely

You know what cake without a topper is? Cake, so it is still the best thing ever, If tracking down the perfect topper seems like a waste of time or money to you, then just don't have one! And feel glad you are getting married at a time where almost every tradition is flexible. Never waste energy or money on the junk you don't care about, because why even throw the party if you aren't enjoying it?

Will I miss the topper? Yes, but there will still be cake. So I will still be happy.

Want more eco-friendly wedding ideas? I have TONS of them! You can make your wedding environmentally responsible by reducing waste, minimizing purchases, and buying items that have life beyond that big day.

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9 Things for the Last 9 Days- Starting the Fall with the Bub

 1. Baby Handprint Ornaments-  We did these with the Bub too, and what I like most about them is that when I look at them, I can still hear the screams. I kid, sort of. Wow, my children hate doing them, but I didn't much enjoy labor, so it seems fair. They both produce something cute, and I like that these are basically the first of many sentimental art projects they will hate doing. Sorry boys, I am your mother and you are stuck with me.

2. Show me your Mumu- I am in a wedding later this year and have been on the hunt for a flattering dress, Made in America, of a certain length and color. Easy right? Well, I have found a bunch that fit the bill thanks to this company Show me your Mumu that still manufactures in the USA and has dresses so flattering and chic your bridesmaids might actually love them. I wish they had been around when we got married,

 3. This Year's Walk to End Alzheimer's- I didn't think I would be able to go, so I was especially glad to be there. I was also happy to do the walk with my in-laws, because the tradition is really about my husband's family, so it made it more special to share in the chaos with them. I also thought this year was in the nicest spot so far in Seattle, and it felt like it had a really enthusiastic and positive energy (last year didn't, but it was a much wetter and greyer day).

4. Breastfeeding in Seattle Center Surrounded by People- Just add it to my list of weird places where the boobs have been out. I don't think people cared, and I love my covered goods breastfeeding cover for being a nice scarf to just wear as well as a cover for everything. I can already see how people with 2 children lose steam for getting out in the world, but I want the new baby to keep getting out there too, so tools like these really help.

5. Fall- I could not be happier that fall is here. For me, this season feels like a fresh start, everything smells good, and the world is covered in color. I get to wear layers and put decorations up, so I can't complain about life right now. Seotember October, and November are the best. Excited for The Baby Bear's first fall, because his bright eyes just drink everything in.

6. Wall-E- You hear a lot about little ones liking Finding Nemo or Cars, but The Bub has just been captivated by Wall-E. You know that Pixar rocks what they do when a two year old is totally enamored from the first minute. I love that movie in general, but I love it even more now.

7. Green Onion and Recycled Plastic- Who would have guessed we would have a kid so granola that he likes sitting, eating his garden green onions, on that all-recycled plastic bench. Different than the life I thought my kids would have, but I like when things are happy and slow like this. 

8. Our First Homemade Pesto- The Boy made it with his mom, and it makes my life. I feel excited and proud that at the end of this summer, we weren't totally defeated by the "growing your own food" garden experiment. We certainly aren't self-sufficient, but it is still cool to make applesauce, pesto, chimichurri and more with the plants from our own yard. If nothing else, everyone should have a herb garden. It has saved us so much money!

9. Barb- Yes, we are finally watching Stranger Things. Yes, it is as good as everyone says. We are only halfway, but the third episodes is one of the best episodes of any television show I have seen ever. People talk about the show in terms of Spielberg and nostalgia, but you could also bring iconicity into the conversation. How do you choose details that are striking enough that they stick immediately? Because that is what is happening here, and the icon of my heart is Barb. In a world full of Nancies, be a Barb.

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Wedding Wednesday- 10 (Eco-friendly) Ways to be the Favorite Shower Guest

In one lifetime, most women will go to a LOT of bridal showers. Some will be of women who absolutely own our hearts. Others will be for our boyfriend's cousin's fiance where we will awkwardly sit in the corner. Either way, there will be a registry, and there will be a long chunk of shindig where we watch the bride, groom, or both open gifts.

So, how does bridal showering change when you are trying to be eco-friendly or buy local?

It can be a challenge. The couple gets to make an exact list of what they want, and if it turns out to be full of Made in Elsewhere junk that hurts your heart to buy, you can really feel stuck between compromising your own priorities or being the jerk buying decorative birdhouses.

These are my best ideas of how to be an awesome guest, how to break the mold enough to be interesting, but not so much that you are the one they tell stories about later. You can kick ass at bridal showering and stay eco-friendly! Here's how:

1. Pair the Personal with the Practical- Something small and personal makes for the most memorable gifts. One of our friends gave us a little stone with our faces painted on as a wedding gift. It is still one of my favorites. I also received two quilts and a blanket that I love and continue to be in use at our house. If you know the wedding colors or something they might need for the wedding, you could go that route. We received some things that were thoughtful, but not that useful (a lot of decorative platters) and some that were practical but not personal, but if you can combine registry desires with a personalized theme or something you made yourself, you can really nail the gift.

2. Forget Adulting, Put in for the Honeymoon- Looking at the registry and having trouble finding an eco-friendly option? Ugh, that smarts. The couple may be equally happy to accept money OR if you want to go big, ask after their honeymoon and put money specifically toward that. Wedding showers are especially all about practicality, and that can become a drag, so see if you can't invest in a cool memory for them on their trip.

There are registries specific for honeymoon funds, but even if they don't have one, I bet they will love the help. I know one of my friends skipped out on the activity she most wanted to do, because it was too expensive. In retrospect, I wish I could have skipped the wedding/shower gift and put money in for that. Stuff is just stuff, but making new and amazing memories can fuel a marriage.

3. Come Prepared to Have Fun- You want to give your bride a gift? Have a great time. The hosts can only prepare so much- once you get to a party, the fun of the shindig depends on all of the guests. Time to play silly games? Go into it with Olympic intensity to make it awesome. Small talking with the bride's crazy relatives? Lean in, my friend. Don't sit in the corner, only hang out with your people, or worst of all, let someone else be uncomfortable or alone.

At a wedding, in my expert opinion, you are contractually obligated to start the bride and groom's marriage off with a full dance floor and happy faces. Do the shower version of that.

4. Write a Good Note- Showers can be overwhelming events where the bride or groom doesn't get the time they hope for with each guest (I know I felt that way). No matter what you decide to gift, a thoughtful note and some encouragement might be the best gift you can give. Write something personal and genuine, and you could very well make his or her day when they can really go through things without an audience.

5. Skip the Lingerie- No one wants to open something seedy with all of their aunts watching. Maybe someone does, but if you aren't sure that is that bride, just skip it. If you want to do something romantic, buy some gift certificates to local restaurants and invest in some date nights. Seriously, underwear gifts are way more weird than clever.

6. Go in Together for One Gift- Don't hate- collaborate! You may not have the.budget for a really fabulous gift, but you could go in with other guests to go big. We get into this idea that more gifts= better gifts, but there is something to be said for a gift they may not be able to afford themselves. They can go buy a kitchen clock themselves, but a new set of knives might be way out of reach. Not to mention, this gesture might save them from the long, awkward present-opening part of the shindig, which is a lot of pressure.

You can do this two ways- collect money anonymously, and figure out what you an buy with it. Or, pick something first and let people donate with knowledge of the endpoint. Spend less time worrying whether the generosity is equal- it's not a competition.

7. Take Pictures- Ok, maybe this seems silly, but I think one of the best things you can do for a couple on the path to getting married (or having a baby) is to be positive, enthusiastic, and to help document any and all festivities. You get to the other end of things and can feel like it slipped through your fingers, so some pictures from others helps them have a fuller perspective on these days and all of the good stuff happening. It costs you no money, minimal time, and can really be so sweet and thoughtful.

8. Make the Switch or Get out of the Box- Not excited about the registry? You can try to do a switch out using my suggestions on The Eco-Friendly and Made in America Wedding Registry. Don't see anything that speaks to you? What are some other things they will definitely need? What about movie tickets or some other kind of date night? Gift cards for take out places with their menus? A cheese of the month club. Invest in the memories they will make as a couple! Or go a totally different route and cut out a practical concern for them- give them all the quarters they will ever need for laundry with The Simply Co soap and dryer balls. Get them all the tissues they will ever need and a throw blanket for sick days. Get them Amazon Prime or a netflix subscription. By shifting your paradigm to less concrete gifts, you can really come up with something cool.

9. Buy 3 Used Gifts Instead of One New One- This is true for baby showers too- some things on registries (measuring cups, anything glass, kitchen tools) are ALWAYS for sale in consignment and antique stores. Still look at what they want, but get something a little more special and a LOT more cost-effective. You can get 4 kitchen tools at Goodwill for the same cost as one from Bed Bath and Beyond. Way to help them fill up that kitchen AND reduce waste!

10. It's All About Them- Sometimes you know the bride or groom better than others; it is well worth it to keep who they are in mind before you go for it. Maybe they are the kind of people who would LOVE practical gifts like a year's worth of paper towels and toilet paper- think of the drudgery they can skip! Other people would hate it. If you aren't sure, call one of those numbers on the RSVP line and ask them. If it still seems risky, do 60% what they said they want and 40% something a little riskier.

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Fourth Anniversary Inspiration- Fruit and Flower Inspiration and Fun

By your fourth anniversary, it sure can be easy to phone it in. Just head out to dinner and call it a day. I know we did that here way more than I would have liked, but we are also 9 months into a pregnancy, so I forgive us. Some years you just aren't going to nail it.

On the other hand, I think this anniversary (and it's fruity theme) actually lends itself to TONS of cool and fun ideas for activiities and decorations. You can do this one WELL, my friends. Do better than we did.

 Make this year a fun memory, not just a throwaway.

What to Do

The ideas on Pinterest for this anniversary are particularly lame. Basically, just fruit puns. I have nothing against fruit puns, but its no inside tent or leather den or really anything fun. But clearly, they have missed the boat here, because I think so many great ideas are waiting to happen!

1. Berry-picking- I know it sounds cheesy, but we have had the best time doing this. Living in Northern California, we could actually go pick strawberries right by the beach. Can you hear the sea lions when you look at this picture? Needless to say, it was cool. Lots of areas, rural and urban have picking farms nearby, and dependent on your anniversary date, you could do whatever is seasonal and available. Then go home and make something with it. It's an activity that is out of the ordinary, but it won't break the bank either.

2. Start a garden- Are you a late-spring/ early-summer couple? You got this. Plant something. Plant a bush or a tree in the anniversary's honor, and every year you can see how much it grows. Don't have a yard? Plant an herb garden you can use at home OR look and see if there is any planting that needs done in your neighborhood. You could even volunteer together for replanting somewhere or to work for a day in a community garden. It can be so fun to get your hands dirty, and isn't it always somehow better to do this kind of thing for someone else?

A good way to revise the flower/ fruit theme is "Growing." Your marriage isn't new anymore, but now we all know the secret that things don't stop growing just because they aren't saplings. Think about things that grow in your life and build your anniversary plans around keeping things growing.

3. Go to (or Make) Dinner Together- We went out for a fancy dinner this year, and when food is part of the theme, a dinner makes sense (otherwise, it can feel a little bit like the easiest possible answer).But I do think food in general makes sense, and if you have a fruit that especially resonates, you could pick it as a theme for food for the week!

Do a fun fruit salad. Or carve something out of fruit? I want to see some anniversary- themed watermelon sculptures!

I mean, come on. From Seasons of Joy

Maybe try a whole week of new recipes? Could you make a whole week of mango meals? Or try all the weird fruits in the grocery store you never go near? I think there is a fun adventure here waiting to happen. On that note...

What to Eat

This anniversary screams cake, so I am kind of freaking out that I haven't picked a cake (or its toppers yet). How do you pick when there are so many good options? Two years ago I made a lemon cake, and I will be honest with you, it wasn't that good. I obviously didn't pick the right thing. So this year I am looking for some fruity inspiration:

from Design Sponge

Pie! I love this anniversary pie from Design Sponge. So simple and chic, and it might be a good choice if you aren't a cake couple. I love this heart pie crust as well.

from Eat Spin Run Repeat

Fruit Cake. You can do an actual fruitcake for a Christmas anniversary, but how cool is this for summer anniversaries? I love Eat Spin Run Repeat's step by step tutorial, but you really could make an amazing cake with whatever fruit you like (or matches your wedding colors).

Just a Regular Old Amazing Cake. There is infinite pinteresty goodness around cakes with fruit. This is a goldmine, so you only have to find what idea fits you best. I had all sorts of ideas, and our cake was jank. I mean, really jank. Such a mess that I won't even put it up here, which I am never above doing. So let's look at other people's successes and ignore my 4th year failure:

from Baker by Nature

Baker by Nature has a recipe for a seriously beautiful lemon and blueberry cake. So nice, and it looks so pretty.

from Dagmar's Kitchen

This chocolate cake by Dagmar's Kitchen was the vision I had in my head when I thought about the cake. So pretty with the chocolate and the berries. Someday later I will make this cake. This one from Tastes Better from Scratch looks like a nice combination of the two.

from Plain Chicken

Lemon Sour Cream Pound Cake from Plain Chicken looks less fussy but still very pretty. Might be a good route if you don't have a ton of time.

Ok, these are my best fruit and flower ideas! What did you do for your 4th anniversary?

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Wedding Wednesday- Eco-Friendly Wedding Guest Wear

In your early 20's, it still feels weird to go to friends' weddings. 

By your mid-20's, it is an established part of your summer routine. Most of us even get into those binds where we are invited to more than one in a weekend. 

By the end of your 20's, you are a pro, and you could probably fill your Saturdays watching people get hitched. 

Wedding Guesting is an art all its own, and it can become a big part of life (and your budget). We may spend most wedding talk on issues of planning, but most of us will go to more weddings as a guest than a participant (unless we are a real badass), so it might be worth it to figure out how to do it well (find that drunken shenanigan line- yes to dancing, no to anything you wouldn't want a professional photographer present for), how to do it with style, and even how to do it in an eco-friendly way. 

I love going to a wedding- how many events do you get to go to where you just get to be excited for someone else, eat cake, and get dressed up? I just like when good things happen to people, and weddings are usually (but not always) really good things. The weddings in our life have picked up from year to year, though this year we are in a lull, and we had to miss a few people we really love due to travel and pregnancy-related limitations (before this year, we always tried to make it, and I think we were only thwarted once due to a nasty case of viral exanthems- sorry Kate!). I would like to believe we have gotten pretty good at guesting, at least as good as we can while still being super awkward dorks. These are the key responsibilities as I see them: 

1. Have a Good Time- Someone spent a bunch of money trying to make this party a good time. So get on board whatever ship they are sailing. Dance even if the dj is not the greatest (or prioritizes taking selfies). Participate in the activity, even if it is dorky. Make small talk even if you truly are the worst at it. You are a collaborator in the good time, so get in there and have fun like it is your job. 

2. Get a Good Gift- A gift's value can come from a lot of things, but gifting is my love language, so I take it very seriously. MORE HERE. 

3. Don't Look a Hot Mess- Don't be the guest they are trying to crop out of pictures. This is a wedding; no camo shorts, nipples, or super fashion moments are needed (these are all things I have seen while a guest). The bride and groom probably indicated to you the level of formality and the general style of the wedding (often the colors too) in the invite. Don't try to dress like a bridesmaid, but you can try to get in the spirit of the event with your clothes. 

But here is the problem. If you are going to be a professional wedding guest, that adds up to a lot of travel, a lot of gifting, and a lot of merriment. It also means you are dressing up A LOT. 

You can green your gifting by seeking out the green items on their registry, giving them honeymoon money, or by doing simple substitutions by using the Made in America and Eco-Friendly Wedding Registry, 

It turns out you can turn your many fashion moments into productive and eco-friendly purchases as well. Let's go through it by formality. Not that I actually understand the different formality levels, because they are impossible, and we are a generation of ragamuffins. I'll split by gender too, but obviously you should ride the line or do whatever makes sense for you. Just gathering resources.

Formal (white tie) and Semi-Formal (black tie)

For Guys-  Rent a Tuxedo! If you think you have enough black tie events in your future, buying one might make sense. Even mainstream stores like Men's Wearhouse have their USA- made selections obviously marked. I saw a few on Nordstrom as well, but they are so expensive! How many times would you have to rent before it is cheaper to buy? Sharing/ renting makes sense to me for your average guy.

For Ladies- I have always hated that men can rent a tux and women are supposed to shell out so much money for a dress. It's not that way anymore! I am all about Rent the Runway, where you can rent formal dresses I know I could never afford. It gives you the chance to switch up your look, and it is more environmentally-friendly than all of us having some formal dresses just collecting dust in our closets. You can get dresses at every level of formality (starting as low as 30 bucks), but it makes the most sense when you are headed to a black tie wedding, because, really, when are you reusing that gown?

If your answer is "all the time, B," you are in luck. Certain designers of more formal dresses- Nicole Miller, Zac Posen, Jason Wu, Jennifer Kroll - have already pledged to make (at least some of) their dresses in the United States. Nordstrom has 46 options for made in America formal dresses. You can even try Amazon (just read the description before you buy. They love "or imported" in the descriptions). Anthropologie sells one line of Made in America dresses that would work for bridesmaids or guests. I tried to aim on the simple side, because you can always switch up the style around it, but that is my best tip- go classic in a simple color, and you might get more years of life out of the dress. 

Informal (Suit and Cocktail Dress)

For Guys- Most men (but not all, so self-assess don't sweat it if this isn't you) should probably own at least two suits: a grey or black one and a navy one. The nice thing for dudes is they can buy one or two really well-made suits, and then wear them forever. It's kind of this blog's dream for all people, regardless of their gender. Most suits aren't cheap, but a good one can last you so long that you really get your money's worth. 

I know Men's Wearhouse carries a brand Joseph Abboud that are sewn in the United States, so you can go pretty basic and still buy something ethical with minimal negative impact. Their dress pants are even on sale, so it can have minimal pocket impact as well. Nordstrom has a whole section of Made in America suits as well, though I cannot imagine ever being rich enough to spend that kind of money. 

I don't have much advice on men's fashion, but I do HIGHLY recommend the American List on the Continuous Lean. They have a massive list of American-made fashion and gear for men. We have had great luck with everything they have recommended. 

For Ladies- First, a lot of the answers for a great cocktail dress are the same- check out Rent the Runway, you might be surprised by their 1127 options. I think I will do this next time, because the dresses look so beautiful and at least at this moment, my body is always in flux, so purchasing something doesn't make a ton of sense. 

Lots of cocktail dresses are made domestically, so if you do want to buy, you can support slow fashion, the American worker, and shrinking the fossil fuel consumption that plagues uneccessary imports. Nordstrom has 400+ made in America options. Amazon has hundreds as well. You can also find beautiful cocktail dresses made by American designers like Nanette Lepore or (my favorite) Eva Franco. (you can also shop for both of their stuff on Anthropologie). You could also browse Modcloth's Made in America pages.  Lastly, try Shabby Apple- this American brand sells gorgeous dresses that would work perfectly for weddings and cocktail events. 

Casual (everything else)

For Guys- My husband would probably still wear a suit, but for most guys, a few button ups and some trusted dress pants are all you need to survive those less formal weddings. Use what you already have and invest in pieces that will last you. My advice? Look for some button ups on The American List from A Continuous Lean. It may cost more at first, but get something classic and it should last you longer. For neckties, I recommend used or something from The General Knot Co or The Hillside.

For Ladies- If you are in a sundress situation, your first good bet is to check your own closet or favorite consignment store. There are plenty of sundresses out in the world, so you are likely to find something great without looking far. If  you are feeling like you need something special, try checking out Shabby Apple, Modcloth, or Nordstrom. Try a new consignment store, borrow from friends, Thred Up, or even Rent the Runway. You can get something amazing for 30 bucks, for goodness sakes! 

Prioritize getting things used, and if not used, made in America. Stop buying things that are ok, and only shell out for dresses you love enough to keep wearing! Bonus points if you can dress it up or down to get more use out of it. I also think doing separates might get you more bang for your buck- you can use different combinations on those wedding-saturated summers. You have so many options, there is no reason to spend money on a dress that was unethically-made and wastes fossil fuels.

A few other Green Habits for weddings-

Turn down the plastic straw or stirrer. You can't stop the train from rolling, but you can get off. They will last a teensy bit longer.

Give an eco-friendly gift. Check the registry, but a few switches might make the whole thing way more environmentally-kind. Consider who you are shopping for, but this may be a good choice. Or buying a "giftless" gift, like movie tickets or a gift card for a museum, might be the perfect gift. Get your card from a foundation like the Arbor Day Foundation. Wrap it in something recycled.

Recycle your program. 

Good luck, guesties! If you need some inspiration for gifts, be sure to check out The Made in America and Eco-Friendly Wedding Registry. If you want more general shopping inspiration, try The Giant List of Shopping Lists. 

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