How Do Christians Give Gifts at Christmas?

Today is Black Friday, and that supposedly means the beginning of the Christmas season. Really? A day of sales and crazy lines for printers and tv's is how we kick off our celebration of the birth of Jesus? If Jesus were alive today, do you think he would go to Walmart for that crazy deal? So why is this such a significant part of our Christmas?

Don't get me wrong. I love gift-giving. It is my love language, and honestly, I have bought and receivd some great gifts in my time. I take it seriously, because I really love to show people how much I care about them. I have family members who are ridiculously great gift givers.  But I can't figure out where the balance is between being a good Christian and really celebrating Christmas, and that seems like such a weird conflict to me. I would never ever suggest someone is a bad Christian because they buy a lot of gifts or because of where they buy them from, but I do think there are parts of these decisions that aren't often considered from a religious perspective, and maybe they could be.

Even though I write this blog, I find it easy to get caught up in the desire to buy great gifts, but the more I think about it, the more I question where the line is between gift-giving that brings people closer together and closer to God vs. gift-giving that really has lost the plot. This is a weirdly personal question, and I think the answer might be different for everyone, but I think it's a question worth asking.

This topic has been looming large in my mind the past few weeks- exactly how does our family celebrate Christmas in a way that is faith-based instead of revolving around commercialism? I mostly don't talk about my faith on this blog for a couple of reasons:

1. I make money off this blog (no, not a lot. So far, I have made a whopping 11 dollars) and I don't think Jesus or my relationship with him makes a good product or brand. I think there is a reason that Jesus got so angry when he saw people selling things in a temple. Christianity and commercialism don't mix that well in my opinion.

2. I don't think what I write about is exclusively useful to Christians. Or Liberals. Or environmentalists. The whole point here is that taking care of the Earth is everyone's task, and our over-consumption is everyone's problem. We may all come at it different ways or for different reasons, but changing our approach to material things is beneficial to anyone, no matter their walk of life or how seemingly small the step.

That being said, I do think first of my fellow Christians and my own lived faith this time of year.

And when did we start looking to businesses (whose primary goal by definition is to make money) to be arbiters of our faith? If this day is sacred to us, why would we want Starbucks to use it to sell more coffee? Why would we be so willing to see it sold out, but even worse, be offended when companies aren't using it to schlep cheap goods? Something is wrong here.

I will be honest with you. I am not throwing our Christmas tree away, and I will still be giving presents to loved ones in the next month. At the same time, I am ready to stop just talking the talk about what a shame it is that Christmas is so commercialized. It's time to make a change.

 I think it is time for some concrete goals. Read on if you are with me.

Why Do Christians Give Gifts?

Christmas gifts are important to Christians first because the three wisemen brought gifts for the baby Jesus when he was born. More symbolically still, the gifts refer to Jesus himself as a gift given to the world. In other words, our gifts are meant to mimic the amazing and miraculous gift-giving of God. Lucky for all of us, gifting is apparently His best love language.

The other symbols at Christmas spin off of these two themes. Santa Claus is a modern incarnation of Saint Nicholas, a 4th century Greek bishop who was known specifically for his generosity and giving. He gave to strangers, primarily, which resonates with the wisemen figures, who gifted to Jesus Christ, not to each other.

During the Middle Ages, the stocking tradition was tied to Saint Nicholas's name day, towards the beginning of December. He put gifts in their socks. During the reformation, Martin Luther tied this generosity to the gift of Christ, and Saint Nicholas moved his sock-filling a little later.

Gift giving has moved dates more than once too- because it was modeled after the wise men, some Christian traditions, especially Catholicism, gave gifts at or until Epiphany in Januray (ever wonder where the 12 days of Christmas comes from?).

The Christmas Tree is only about a thousand years old, but the fir tree was part of Pagan rituals before that. Now, it is said to symbolize everlasting life. Which is also a pretty massive present when you think about it.

So even Santa Claus, who often gets a bad rap as the stand in for all Christmas commercialism, ties right back to the gifts of the wisemen and the gifts of Jesus Christ. So this is a part of our tradition, but how does a few humble gifts in a sock turn into gift mountain?

So then, How much is too Much? 

Whatever I think is just enough, it should probably still be less than that. The story of St. Nicholas is about small gifts that make a big difference. The wisemen brought grand but also small gifts.

Right now, the average American parent spends 271 dollars a kid on Christmas gifts. We are in such a rush for our gift shopping that Black Friday is creeping into Thursday. When talking to kids about Christmas, the most commonly asked question is about what they want for themselves.

This obsession with buying gifts, so so many gifts, is costing us in so many ways.

Our generation works constantly to afford all the things we want, rather than spending time together.

Our committed searches for the best deals encourage companies to drop their standards around labor and materials. Jobs are outsourced to places where they can treat people badly. Tons of fossil fuels are  wasted needlessly so those slightly cheaper crayons can travel half way around the world.

I want to underline this again, other human beings also created by God and in His image are treated worse than we can imagine so we can get that cheap gift. In the past few years, it has come out that there are factories using child and slave labor. A factory making clothes for Walmart and other stores YOU shop from was in such poor conditions that a fire killed hundreds of people.

This is not a thing out there that some other mean person did. We helped in this, and we need to change it.

And it doesn't stop there. Those big piles of gifts cause other problems as well. Trees are being cut down at rapid rates when we need them most to keep our air clean and our temperatures down. Beaches are covered daily in garbage, like the plastic those cheap toys come wrapped in. Landfills are filling up and our children's water is being poisoned with plastic.

Now, if we see the planet as a beautiful gift from God, one of the best gifts He has ever given us, how does it make sense to celebrate a day praising Him by destroying his Earth? Or letting people he created be treated that badly? How is that good stewardship?

It would be comforting to feel like this is out of our control, but honestly, most of us are responsible.

Every time I buy something made in Elsewhere, I send the company the message I don't mind, so they will keep doing it. Everytime I buy some cheap piece of junk because it is on sale, I send the market the message that I care more about a good deal than quality or ethics. We are part of the problem, but that means we can be part of the solution too.

We as the body of Christ need to take steps to solve the problem. Now, this is all super depressing, which is the opposite of what you want to feel this time of year, but I think it has potential to be really great.

My suggestion? We start at Christmas. We start cutting down the gifts we buy. We look into more eco-friendly options for the gifts we do buy. This isn't about refusing gifts from others or judging how they live their lives, it's about self-assessing and finding a balance that feels right for each of us individually.

I have 3 new goals this Christmas to keep my giving in line with my faith and my charge to be a steward.

First, is to only buy things that I don't think are doing harm or dishonoring God. I will buy used to keep things out of landfills and to save money. When I have to get a gift new, I will buy things that are environmentally-responsible and made as locally as I can find.

Second, to cut down the number of gifts significantly. No gift mountain here.

Third, to introduce more traditions about giving outside of our household instead of within it. To make donating and giving a regular part of our holiday routine.

So how do We Change our Traditions? 

It's easy enough to say "We will buy less this year," but then the pile looks too small. Or the gifts don't seem quite even. Or it is just so fun to watch a toddler open a gift. I know for myself, it is so so easy to get carried away.

So the real answer is that a Christian Christmas tree can look any number of ways and that "too much" is so different for each person. It's subjective, and I honest to goodness am not out to judge people. Just to figure it out myself.

I have heard the "something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read" idea, and it is a good idea for limiting gifting, but it doesn't have much to do with Christmas. I would make it the birthday rhyme, but we have already decided on one gift and one experience/surprise as our family's birthday formula (awesome and it works).

I read this suggestion on my minimalism and motherhood post, and I want to share it with you, because maybe a variation would be perfect for your family:

"About 8 years ago my sister and I started the tradition of giving our kids 3 gifts each. At my house Santa brings them, at my sister's Santa only fills their stockings and the gifts are from mom and dad.

The gifts each have a meaning correlating with the gifts that the wise men brought to Jesus.

The first gift is their GOLD gift. It is their biggest gift and may be expensive, but not necessarily. It can be the one thing they REALLY want or it can be chosen by the giver. It signifies how valuable they are to the family. It is wrapped in gold paper or has a gold bow on it.

The second gift is their FRANKINCENSE gift. Frankincense was sacred and burned exclusively in the temple. This gift should have something to do with how your child "meets" with God. We've given devotional books, worship CD's, even a pocket cross, or a book that teaches a moral lesson. Frankincense is a white substance, so this gift is wrapped in white paper.

The final gift is their MYRRH present. Myrrh is a resin that was used to scent oils and perfumes. It was also used in preparing bodies for burial, and has special symbolism since Jesus came to earth as a baby only to later die for our sins. It is dark earthy substance so it is wrapped in brown paper. This gift can be something they anoint their body with, like perfume or shower gel, or simply a gift for their body. In the past my kids have received clothing or something to help them keep their body in shape (like skates or anything that helps them be active).

My children LOVE this tradition. I hope it makes someone's Christmas more meaningful."

If you want to read her inspiration, check out this blog. A commenter said that they do a similar thing, gold is something they want, frankincense is something they need, and Myrrh is an experience.

I love this idea, and I especially love the symbolism of the three kings creating a more direct and thoughtful connection to the nativity story. It keeps the number really low, which is important to us (if you buy 3 gifts instead of 30, you can put more thought and money into each one) but it also makes the link between what we do and why we do it spiritual instead of cultural. It more clearly connects what we see at church with what we do at home.

I want to add one other thing to this. These kings came to give gifts to strangers from a foreign land with faith they were worthy of that love. I want to be much more generous about giving out this year, not just within our family but to people who really need it. I saw a tradition of a reverse Advent calendar, where everyday in Advent we add to a basket of items to be donated elsewhere. I think my goal is to spend more time on helping others than shopping.

How do you incorporate giving to others in your family?

How do you manage Christmas gifts at your house? How many presents is too many? Do you think about how the gifts were made or who made them? Has anyone been successful at instituting a smaller, more stewardship-oriented Christmas at their house?

Most importantly, what does being a Christian steward mean to you and how do you live that out at Christmas time?

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Green Christmas- Mommy of Toddlers Wishlist

This is the newest in a long series of blogs where I implore you through long lists of cute stuff to buy less/better stuff! This Christmas, we will spend a lot of money on gifts. A lot. If we put all that money toward companies that respect their laborers and protect the environment, we can change the world. Every dollar we spend is a vote for the world we want to live in, so every time we buy Made in China junk at a big chain store, we say fast and easy is more important than good. That our selfish wants are more important than other's needs. I don't think that's what anyone really thinks, especially at Christmas, but I think it can feel like we don't have any choice. We do! So here is another shopping list to show that no matter what a person cares about, you can find them awesome, eco-friendly and socially-responsible gifts. We can do it!

My friend Mindy is an amazing mom to two toddler girls (the picture is old, but it is one of my favorites of her). She is also an amazing lifelong friend, who wrote me a Christmas list last year, which I am only finishing my research on now. Let the universe know, I am the flaky one. Still, I think most of what she asked for would still apply (though she may not be doing as much working out lately). I think her list reminds me that when your house is filled with toddlers, so much of what you want is not stuff. I think her ideas are genuinely some of the best I have seen writing these blogs, so I can't wait to share them with you.

Maid- I think Mindy meant it as a joke (she wrote "can I say that?!?"), but can I say, this is a KICKASS Christmas gift for the mom you know and love. No, I am not suggesting a longterm situation, but one afternoon of deep cleaning by a professional would probably cost around 100 dollars, and it could help keep everyone afloat. One gift card for a cleaning person for that cost (or even part of it) seems like one of the best gift ideas ever.

100 dollars is still steep, but you could get it  for the couple or for the whole family and then it isn't quite as bad. It's the kind of thing that seems to practical/ not fun to gift, but you know what is super fun? Having a clean house and not being exhausted because of it. If you are trying to be eco-friendly, you could look for someone who specializes in that, but the last thing a toddler's mom needs is more stuff to clean up.

Seriously, A+ gift.

Fit Bit Charger- Sadly, this one is not going to be easy to find used and impossible to find American-made, BUT you could still ask your Buy Nothing group, because people are tiring of fit bits, so they may have things to give away by now. A couple have gone up on mine.

from babywearing

Babywearing Jacket- Mindy is a genuinely spectacular baby-wearer (that girl has skills). If you are gifting for someone who is more of a novice, I recommend Solly Baby, or check out the list (Mindy helped me write) on the Green and American-Made Baby Registry.

My favorite I saw was this fleece jacket from Babywearing on Etsy, though Mindy is really looking for something both front and back). I want to point to them because they look really cozy and chic, plus they are made in Toronto! Wrap your Baby has a lot of options to find what you like best, as does Fun 2 Be Mum, but they are based out of Poland, so not local to most of us.

As a side note, I also think the babywearing extenders like this one from Extenderher would be great, because it just gives more use to the coat you already have.

Tao Industry from Amazon

French Press- Alright, the good news about a french press is that it is already an eco-friendly gift in comparison to Keurig's (please, friends don't buy friends Keurigs. Maybe the reusable cups, but that's it). The bad news is that most are made in China or Taiwan (a pretty long trip) with no good information on the ethics of their labor. But don't despair! I did find one from Tao Industry that is made in America. I also found two glass French Press companies- Bodum and Grosche that are at least partially made in Europe. Not clear.

Workout Clothes- Holy crap, there are TONS of American-made workout clothes! If I actually excercised, I would have gotten this good news long ago! The bad news is you are dealing with synthetic fibers, which is basically wearing plastic, so that makes it all the more important to buy things that will last (or are used- you'd be surprised what you can find). Better to buy one well-made piece than 5 that won't make it to next Christmas. Here is a big long list to start, but there are so many, so look around if you don't see what you want- Nux Active, WOD Gear, Yogasmoga, evolve's Made in USA filter, Beyond Yoga, Greater than Sports, and Fabletics.

Yoga Mat- So many choices, there is no reason to not get something eco-friendly. My yoga experience is all prego-related, when I could get out of Downward Dog judgement-free. I don't know anything about yoga gear, so I am purely looking for good reviews, eco-friendly materials, and domestic manufacturing (to cut down on fossil fuel use). My favorite is Hugger Mugger Yoga Mat. You can also check out Jade Harmony or Manduka, Modcloth is selling a really cute one this year too.

from USA Pan on Amazon

Cookware Set- A whole set could be very expensive to buy in an ethical or Made in America set, so I might buy a pot, pan, or two (that will last this toddler momma a lot longer than a huge set at the same price) and fill out the collection over a number of years. If you want to get someone a pan that will last them forever (cutting down on waste), look at All-Clad. These pots and pans not cheap, but they are made in America, built to last, and absolutely beloved.

Want something a little more affordable? USA Pan offers a number of great sets of pans or you can gift each thing individually to fill in the blanks in your collection.Check their website- it's cheaper.  American Kitchen also sells each individually on their website. From what I can tell, Calphalon's nonstick pans are made in Toledo, Ohion, but their regular pans are made in China, so just keep them in the nonstick section.  Farberware also has a line of Earth Pans, which seems to be a great idea, but has some execution issues. 360 Cookware also makes saute pans.

Day at the Spa- Another great option if you don't want to add to the mass of stuff in a loved ones house. I have a toddler, and let me tell you, those minimalists have a point. More stuff just means more to clean.

If you are gifting a massage or spa kind of gal, a gift certificate makes an amazing gift. An offer to watch her kid while she goes makes it even better. Sometimes the best gift you can give someone is a break.

A Few More Ideas

I have a few ideas to add to her list that might spark the perfect idea for you while you shop. Might be great!

An Instacart or Meal Gift Card- On the same wavelength as a cleaning lady or day at the spa, a parent with toddlers may be really happy to get a meal delivered every once in a while. A gift card to their favorite pizza place or take out restaurant might be awesome. Also good? Money toward instacart (if they live somewhere with that as an option) because a break from the grocery store might be cool too.

Gift cards for Pictures or Picture Books- Most people take a lot more pictures once they have kids in the house (I think I may take less- my hands are never free!). In the age of cell phones, it can be easy to never use those photos for anything, but I know most of us will wish we could look at pictures of our kiddos once they grow up. One of my friends makes a photobook with all of her instagram posts. You can always do it on Shutterfly, or you can get a gift card for somewhere cooler like Blurb or Artifact Uprising.

Colonial Mills from Amazon

Toy Storage- Not fun, not glamorous, but certainly helpful. You need to know the momma well enough to know what she needs, but I know I am always looking for storage that is not horrible to look at. You might be able to get them a bookshelf or some other wood shelving at your local consignment store for cheaper than you can buy a dress. I know I have been lusting over baskets to contain the toys, specifically Colonial Mills baskets that are made in America and look beautiful. You could also look into benches or ottomans with storage. But storage is beloved, at least at my house.

If you are still feeling shoppy, check out my big honking list of lists for more shopping ideas!

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Green Christmas: The Kitchen Gadget Wishlist

The Boy loves kitchen gadgets. More than once, we have been rushed out of Bed Bath and Beyond because he just can't stop looking at that big wall of kitchen stuff. I can't complain, because he does all the cooking in our house. So life is good, even if we do spend an inordinate amount of time inspecting spatulas.

We are pretty practical gifters- I think we both like the feeling of accomplishing something, so a fun kitchen gadget is like the best of both worlds! It check something off the "Still Need" list but can give him something new to experiment with.

The Boy's List:
Mandolin
Kitchen Island
Vegetable Peeler
Potato Ricer
Mortar and Pestle



Mandolin- "I've done enough slicing this year that I think a mandolin would be a real time save. Hopefully, that's true and it doesn't end up like the poor julienne peeler thing that is so lonely in the drawer." 

from npebaysale

I found this cool pre-used mandoline slicer on Etsy that came from an estate sale. The price is right and it looks pretty cool. Might be a winner.

from Lehman's

I did find this cool cabbage cutter at Lehman's, which may not work for every job, but seems like a fun toy to shred things with. And anything that makes lettuce more fun is probably a win.

Kitchen Island- "While I love our kitchen, the biggest downside is a lack of continuous counter space. The one long stretch has mostly been taken over by a dish drying rack, stand mixer, fruit bowl, and other miscellaneous stuff, leaving us with two smaller counters on either side of the stove for food prep, and they share the space with the knife block, paper towels, etc. Anyway, so while the kitchen feels large, it gets awfully cramped. A kitchen island can help us solve any counter space issues." 

I should have expected it, but I was honestly blown away by how many cool kitchen islands were on Etsy (and cheaper than a lot of what I have seen elsewhere). Seriously, if you are thinking about any gift this Christmas, check Etsy before you settle on your options, because they may have more than you expect! Also, you might find some inspiration and take on the task yourself!

from Herb's Furnishing

I think the winner might be one of these streamlined, simple, but gorgeous kitchen islands from Herb's Furnishings. Nothing fussy, but they make their furniture out of reclaimed wood, and we don't need a bunch of extra doodads.

We did get this last Christmas, and I absolutely love it. Herb's Furnishings helped us get exactly what we needed, and the island probably gets more compliments than anything else in our house. 

You love the idea but want a different design aesthetic? I got you. Here are some more- 3 Hands Furniture (gorgeous), Wooden Whale Workshop, 2nd century furniture, and Colorado Tables.

from Our Vintage Kitchen Co

I found a number of gorgeous kitchen islands that look like repurposed dressers, like these beauties from Our Vintage Kitchen Co. I think this particular one is a little feminine to give my husband for Christmas, but there are lots to choose from.

This one from CS Antiques rides that line between shabby chic dresser and clean, modern kitchen.  Maverick Industrial has a simple but masculine island to butch up a kitchen. This island from Ezekial and Stearns also feels a little rustic and masculine while staying light.

from amazon

We have eyed Catskill Craftsman kitchen islands for over a year now, but only the all wood islands are made in the United States. My favorite is the French Country Workcenter, which is very simple, but since we would move it back and forth, it is better to not have too much on it. They also have drop leaf ones, to make the worktop even larger. This would be my second choice, since it has that clean craftsman look that would match our kitchen (can you tell I've thought about these?).

John Boos and Co makes moveable islands and carts at Sur la Table. They are not cheap (WAY too expensive for Christmas gifts unless you are ridiculously swanky), but they do look beautiful.

Vegetable Peeler- "The vegetable peeler is probably the most straightforward ask- we used to have two, but the first was super dull and unhelpful, so we ditched it. Now, the other one is starting to get dull too. Can you sharpen them? I don't know. But we peel a lot of veggies (especially carrots for the Bub)."

from amazon

Rada Cutlery makes Made in America vegetable peelers which are under 10 dollars and would do the trick. Definitely would be a winner! They also have a deluxe version. Done deal. You can also find a ton of vintage options from Etsy (for 8 bucks- why did I buy so many new things all these years? Screw you, Bed, Bath, and Beyond).

Potato Ricer- "If we are going to perfect gnocchi, a potato ricer is key."

I had bad luck finding potato ricers that are made in America (a few on Amazon came up, but I couldn't verify that any were made Stateside). On the other hand, I found a number of awesome vintage options that are still ready to use!

from Taming Chaos

The majority of the vintage potato ricers look just like this one from Taming Chaos. They are steel and have a little bit of rust, but most are described as still ready for use . And they come in lots of bright, vivid colors.

Mortar and Pestle- "I want to do more of my own spice grinding. Right now, whenever I need to grind saffron or coriander seed, I end up either just trying to grind it with a spoon in a plastic bowl (saffron) or putting it between some paper towels and using a rolling pin (coriander). Neither method is very effective, nor do they look as magical as a mortar and pestle." 

A mortar and pestle can be a helpful tool that you can find in all sorts of pretty materials and makes. We already love Fletcher's Mill salt and pepper grinders, and they also make a mortar and pestle! We may do this, so we can continue to support a company we already love. Lehman's sells a marble mortar and pestle which looks simple, lovely, and cheap!

from Betelgeuse Pottery

Etsy has some great options as well- my favorites are probably ceramic mortar and pestles like these ones (with a notch, so smart) from Betelgeuse Pottery. It really just depends what kind you want. You can also find plenty of vintage options, like this wooden set from Thumb Buddy with Love or a marble set from the rhubarb studio.

from Jenn Erickson Art

I am also seriously considering one from Jenn Erickson Art in Boston, because she has a nice variety of ceramic mortar and pestles in lots of colors. They are just rustic enough to be a good gift for a guy, but they also seem a little dainty and pretty. I love ones from Seabloom by Rainy, because they can be used in your kitchen or for your altar grinds. Multi-tasking! Backyard Ceramic sells a floral morter and pestle.

A Few More Ideas for the Foodie You Love 

If you are The Boy, go away! Seriously!

from Urban Cheesecraft

DIY Cheesekit- I LOVE this idea from Urban Cheesecraft out of Portland, Oregon. You can make your own mozzarella! I feel like this is just the kind of project we would find fun, and it might just be a neat addition to his foodie arsenal.

Oyster Knife- This may not be as fun as a Nessie Ladle or garlic carriage, but this Dexter-Russell oyster knife  might encourage The Boy's new plan to make oysters at home, because they are so expensive when you eat out. I may buy this one.

Jacob Bromwell Funnels- Ok, I think maybe this 100+ year old company's products are the kind of thing you buy once you are a little more grown up, and you realize it's important to buy things that will last. We found one of their sifters at Goodwill, and jumped at that gem, and now I am considering buying him a frying pan or funnel that will be part of our kitchen for the rest of our lives.

Pizza Cutter- These pizza cutters by Epicurean are eco-friendly, made in the US, and just look cool. I like that the shape is flat, so you can fit it easily in a drawer. In our house, we eat pizza a lot, so this might make a good gift, or it might work in your house!

Graters- Microplane makes all sorts of graters, mostly in the US. I know we love ours. This is a medium ribbon one, in case you use a thicker cheese.

from amazon

Pans- USA Pans are made in Pittsburgh, and are basically the best pans made in the States. They manufacture for all the fancy kitchen stores, but you can also get their pans for perfectly reasonable/ comparable to lesser pan prices. If you are shopping for a cook, and something needs replaced, join me in supporting this awesome company.

Lastly, I will buy him this, because how can you not, really.

from Crafts Gone Awry

Hope this helped you get inspired to gift your favorite cook some used and Made in the US stuff! Don't settle!

If you want more shopping inspiration, check out all the shopping lists here.

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Ten Ideas for Raising a Minimalist Kid

I want my children to have less than I did.

I know this sounds crazy. Who says that? The American Dream includes the idea that we all give our children more than we had. If we are good parents, we dream for abundance for our children. That if we are doing things right, our children have more than we had.

What happens if we want our children to have less?

At the very least, I want my children to have less stuff.

I don't think I have fewer dreams for my children than any other generation of parents did, and I do want them to have more in some ways- more adventures, more stability, more sushi than I did, but I think in the long run, we will do our children a tremendous service if they have less possessions, less spacious living, less baggage.

Before you get offended on my lovely parents' behalf (I am grateful for my upbringing and my husband's), hear me out. We are offered so many conveniences and gadgets to help manage our life, but those conveniences come at a deep cost that our children and grandchildren will have to pay.

-Too much costs our kids their healthy food and water. The (then still relatively new) disposable diapers our parents used for us 20 or 30 years ago still have 400 years on this planet, in the landfills and soil our children will eat from and the water they will drink. These options are way more prominent now- those HORRIBLE snack pouches can't be recycled, so you have saved 3 minutes now, but that pouch will outlive your grandkids. Not actually that great a deal.

- Too much costs our kids the environment. The plastic toys we played with will also outlive our children, and how many do you really remember? Why not only get used or recycled plastic toys for our kids?

- Too much costs our kids their future jobs. Because the market creates a demand for LOTS of toys (more toys is better than better toys), parents are looking for toys that are cheap. To make cheap toys, mainstream companies like Fisher Price and Melissa and Doug make all their toys in China. Those cheap toys mean someone is treated badly, fossil fuels are completely wasted in shipping, and more American jobs that can't compete with the prices fold. So fewer American jobs.

-Too much costs our kids their own happiness. Overconsumption when they are kids set them up for unhealthy habits through adulthood. If something breaks, replace it instead of fix it. More will make you happier (it's proven it never does). We all have to ask when these piles of stuff stop helping us and instead weigh us down.

- Too much costs our kids their time with us. It's well-documented that new American parents are pretty miserable. Some of these problems- like a cultural lack of a support system- can't be solved this way, but other's can. On average, our generation of parents lives in 1000 square foot larger homes than our parents did. What are we doing with all that space? And think of how much time all that extra space (and stuff that fills it) takes- we have to clean all of that! And if you have a toddler, you know life is like 80% cleaning. If we live in smaller spaces, our houses may not scream abundance and variety, but we win a lot of time back to just spend with our kids.

This dream of bigger and better keeps us working that much harder to just survive, when just surviving can be hard as it is. I see these beautiful pictures of children's spaces that look modern and pristine, not overun with toys, books, and clothes. I don't think my house will ever be that minimalist, and I am certainly still new at this. But the idea of effectively giving my children less has been on my mind a lot (especially as I fight the instinct to buy leading up to the birth of my second), so I thought I would share the ideas I have had.

1. Say Goodbye to Cable

Enough opinions are floating around about screen time (it rots your kids' brain vs. screenphobia is just the latest stand against Stay at Home Moms), but my beef isn't with a screen. Pick the amount of screen time that works for your family, Netflix it up, but stay away from media with ads. When you have cable, or you are watching any programming directed at children, you need to weed out these overstimulating and overpromising snippets.

Ads are designed to send a constant message- you aren't enough, you don't have enough, and that you won't be happy until you have this thing.

This is a pretty dangerous game of desire for anyone, much less kids. And before you roll your eyes and think your child is above it, just remember that these people really, really know what they are doing. They get degrees in how to send that message. They do research on how to do it most effectively. They get paid millions of dollars to do it. This is a serious business, and they are good at it. But, there is no law saying your kid needs to watch things that tell them what they want. You get to choose what normal is, and do your kids a favor by keeping cable out of your home.

2. Just Stay Away from the Toy Section

In the same way, kids can't want every toy on the shelf if they don't know what is on the shelf. Stay out of the toy sections of most stores, and they won't know every little thing that is out there. Will this save you from the occasional tantrum in the grocery store? Nope. Does it mean your child will never want toys they see at friends' houses? Nope. Is this guaranteed to save you from Elsa or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Nope. But it does make wanting stuff less a part of their regular life.

When we are at Goodwill, I will let my son pick out one thing to take home. Anywhere else, he can look, even touch, but nothing is coming home with us. The less time we spend in Target's toy aisles, the less I have to have this fight.

3. Slow Your Roll Out

My sister in law taught me this, and it is genius. When her son would get a giant pile of loot from a birthday or Christmas, she just packed a bunch back up and gave them out when he seemed bored with the last thing. After Christmas, let 2 or 3 gifts stay out, and everything else goes into storage. As the previous gifts wear out (over weeks and months), another new object can come out.

We love that feeling of abundance, that fantasy of the super full Christmas tree, but gifting that way isn't very practical and the kids can't appreciate it anyway.

Kids can only process so much at a time, so those big gift mountains seem cool, but lots of toys get lost in the shuffle. Most children do get sick of things. Instead of constantly needing new toys, you just use what they were already gifted and Christmas last much longer! Our son is too little to know the difference, and we can make one holiday last for months.

from Mum in the Madhouse

4. Make Giving a Family Tradition and Habit

At Christmastime, many families have an advent calendar with treats inside. What if this year, each member of your family gave one thing away every day in Advent. You could do it for Lent too! To teach your kids about taking better care of the Earth, you have to illustrate the act of giving. Let them pick toys to gift.every day during the holiday season, then go together as a family to give it away. Have your spring cleaning tradition include a big family day where you drop things off and donate things to charities. Let them participate with you on Buy Nothing once a month. Pick what works for you, but pick something and include your little ones.

 I whole-heartedly believe that we have to model the behavior we want to see from our children, so if you want them to be generous (and non-materialistic), then you have to make giving a regular part of life. It well help your house stay cleaner, help them assess what they really care about, and in the end could be such a fun tradition!

5. Clean Out the Toys and Clothes Every 3-6 Months and Give a Third Away

 Even two years in, I can see how quickly the toy collection flies off the rails.You receive gifts from grandparents or hand me downs from friends, and the pile gets bigger. Man, they can take over everything! The key is not only to buy less, but to clean out more, so get in there and send things off that never clicked with your kid.

Right now, The Bub is too little to really understand what is going on when I do this, but he is always present, and someday he will just think it is normal. It's not about throwing things away, it's about sharing with other people who might enjoy it more. I have gotten some of his favorite toys at Goodwill or on Buy Nothing, so I think it is my responsibility to keep putting back into these resources as well.

6. Don't Buy More Storage, Cut Out Stuff

It can be so tempting when the toys are taking over to think of more storage solutions. I get that, and I am not saying we don't have a plastic tub of toys in the basement, but before you get another toy box, book shelf, or hot wheels shelf, why not just give things away? To have a house that makes sense, you need places for everything to go. If you no longer have enough destinations for toys, maybe there are too many toys. If you have so much storage that your kid can't see all of their toys in a day, you probably have more than they need.

passed to us by a neighbor, passed on to a third child in the neighborhood

7. Swap, Borrow, and Get it Used

The difference between a minimalist lifestyle and a house full of toys is seeing possessions as temporary. Join a library and you always have a resource for new books (and a place to connect with other moms and kids). Join your local freecycle or Buy Nothing groups, you can pass kids stuff around. Just ask friends if they want to do book or toy swaps to switch things up in your house.

 I feel like as kids, we treated our toys and collections like they were essential parts of our identities, and it made it hard to let them go even as adults. But your kid can still love Frozen without having every Elsa and Anna item in the world (is that even possible? God bless Disney and their marketing genius). Only a few things can be precious, everything else should be moved around before it sticks to a spot on the shelf.

Every parent of a toddler is constantly encouraging them to share (it's tough!), but this is a way to push that a step further, treating sharing as a part of life.

8. Have Confidence They Have Enough

This is easy to say but so hard to feel. Parents right now are under constant pressure about how they manage their kids, their time, their money, everything. We can look around and see someone else who is doing a better job in various ways. We feel self-concious because that Stay at Home mom gives them so much time (and loves to talk about it). We feel frustrated because we can't give our kids everything they want. We try to compensate by giving little gifts because we can see how happy it makes our kids, even for a second.

We have to have confidence we are giving our kids what they need. Parenting is so tough, because success can me so hard to define or measure- how do you ever know if you are doing alright? Sometimes shopping is as much about ourselves as our kids, because we can at least feel certain we are providing. A bigger house or well-dressed kid makes us feel like we are filling their needs well, not just enough.

But you are doing more than enough just by caring. There isn't a void that you need to fill. It's a cliche, but your kid really does just want to be with you. Go to a playground instead of a store, and you will give them something worth remembering. Get clothes and toys used and save your money. Your kid doesn't know the difference, and you just have to keep building yourself up that you are  doing great at this job just by caring and getting in there. I don't know how to build this confidence more other than reminding ourselves, but it's a constant battle we need to fight. Buying mostly doesn't make us do a better job, but getting in there does.

9. Use What You Have

We all know kids love cardboard boxes, but it is amazing how far you can make one cardboard box go for play time. Blanket forts make amazing memories too, but this is just the tip of the iceberg.

At my job, people donate all sorts of objects that could be "art supplies" for a shopping space and classes for kids. This includes baby food jars, toilet paper rolls, flooring samples, jewelry boxes, gift wrap, broken crayons- all kinds of stuff we tend to see as junk and throw away. But you reframe that for a kid (turn the jewelry box into a robot, use the toliet paper rolls to make fireworks, make a "home" for a stuffed animal), and you can provide hours of entertainment, conversation, learning, and creativity. This isn't conjecture, it is my job and I see it all the time. Junk, when mixed with creative framing, is always an opportunity. Need a rattle? Clean and fill an old bottle with beans.

 That kind of creative play isn't always easy to come up with, so thank goodness we live in the time of pinterest. You can find so many ideas on there.

10. Slow it Down and Just Be Together

I know I am so guilty of this one. As an introvert parent of an extreme extrovert, I often feel desperate for a minute to just catch my breath (or check my email), and some days I know I don't enjoy the time with my kid as much as I should. I feel sometimes like toys are partially just tools to give parents a minute.

Whenever an older generation parent tells me "Oh it goes so fast," I try hard not to roll my eyes. Really? Because this sleep deprivation is making everything move in slow motion.

But there is a lot of wisdom in the suggestion to let things go and slow down to our kids' speed. It doesn't mean we don't get those minutes or that we don't deserve a break while working and parenting, but when you are going to be there, really be there.

 The Bub and I have literally spent hours (this week) playing with a baseball hat and a pair of kitchen tongs. Even with older kids, you don't need many objects to have a perfectly great time. Go for a walk. Go to a playground. Just listen to them. Children are just tiny human beings, and they just want heard like everyone else. A game of tag (or robot tag) can be more fun than any toy, so the more you can focus when the quality time comes, the fewer things you need.



So there you have it, buy less and give more. Change the goals and you may just raise kids who aren't as caught up in this consumerist minefield we are all trying to navigate right now. We both know it creates a lot more work, a tremendous number of problems, and very little of the happiness or solutions that we are constantly promised. We can protect our children's futures from waste and from that constant want by shifting our attitudes now. Let's give ourselves a freaking break and give our kids less.

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Green Christmas: 10 Awesome Gifts that Don't Take Up Any Room Under the Tree

Oh who doesn't love the look of a Christmas tree just bursting with gifts underneath? It feels good to see that symbol of abundance and that physical manifestation of love on Christmas morning. I know I really love a good Gift Mountain. I do. Not facetious at all, it makes me so happy to give gifts.

That being said, how many of the gifts you received last year can you name? And how many gifts get returned or never quite find use in the course of the year? Probably at least a few! We give so many gifts this time of year, but if you are looking to get the most for the biggest deal, you are doing harm. Americans have so much stuff, and we are creating tons of waste. 85 million tons of textile waste. Plastic that is overrunning the ocean. Encouraging inequality and the mistreatment of other. If Jesus came to save the world, why are we celebrating him by destroying it?

I would never knock gift-giving as a practice, but I do think there are lots of gifts we could be giving that don't take up more room in our homes and under our tree. Giving gifts that don't take up space can sometimes be the best ones, and they can help us take care of what we already have rather than adding to piles that can become hard to manage. These gifts might not fill up the tree space as much, but I think they are gifts that your loved ones will be so much more likely to remember.

What non-material gifts are you giving this year? I am excited to be buying our niece piano lessons with a few books. All of our siblings are getting experiences instead of stuff. It's a trend I am excited about, even if we don't have the big gift-opening moment on Christmas morning. That's two minutes. I want to get gift that make memories that will last.


So here are my best ideas- what are you getting this year that you don't have to wrap

1. Netflix Subscriptions- Rather than buying someone a stack of movies this Christmas, what about getting them the fancy dvd level membership to Netflix? Even pay for their streaming for them! It is a little steep, maybe their whole gift for the year, but it creates a lot less waste to borrow than to own!

2. Quality Time- Rather than getting a family or couple more stuff, look up an event calendar for their town and think about if you could get them tickets to a cool activity they would enjoy. For example (and sorry, Shell, I didn't go for it and I should have), I saw tickets for sale to go see/ ride on Thomas the Tank Engine that would have been so fun for my sweet cousin's toddlers and their whole family. If you can fund a new experience or a family memory, that can make a great gift!

For the Bub's birthday, we bought him one gift. One. Instead, we took him to see Daniel Tiger Live as a family, and he was so into it! My goal is to manage birthdays this way forever- one gift, one experience, and one party. I love the memory of going there with him, and it won't add to the collection of toys we seem to always be fighting back.

If you don't have kids to shop for, this still works. Try concert tickets or season tickets to something. Give a gift card for a trip you know they are saving for.

3. Handy Help- Taking a page from Luke on Gilmore Girls, you could give "coupons" for help getting something checked off a loved one's to do list. Not handy yourself? You could try buying your loved one a few hours of handyman or cleaning person time. I have given this gift, and not to toot my own horn (toot toot), but I think it is basically the best gift ever. Let's face it, adulthood is the worst, and it gets so old to have a neverending to do list for your home. Blech.

You can get a loved one a little help fixing that vent or ceiling, or hanging that molding, or building that closet organization, or whatever other nonsense just never quite gets done because it sounds horrible and people are super busy. One of the greenest things we can do is take care of what we have so we don't need to buy a new one, so this might be the ticket for someone you care about.

4. Food- Take someone a lasagna or pot pie or something they can stick in their freezer, not under the tree. Much like house repairs, cooking can be a real pain in the bumper this time of year. It can really help someone out. If you aren't sure what to make, but you want to give more practical gifts, you could also stock a pantry or buy them all (recycled) paper goods (I love this idea- a year's worth of paper towels sounds so lame, but it is kind of awesome actually).

5. Date Night- A gift card for a night out is not exactly new territory, but it's a classic for a reason. People love to eat out, and this gives them a good reason to go do it!

6. A Museum Membership- If your giftee lives near a museum (or zoo? or theater? science center?), a membership could be a great gift! It basically gives them a constant reason to go visit, and members at many museums have access to activities and events they may not otherwise. Perfect for an art lover, animal lover, or just someone who loves to learn. Also great for stay at home parents, as most of these places have weekday activities that cater to small children and their adults.

7. Donating to a Charity in their Honor- For that person who really does have everything, and they really don't want any more stuff. You can find charities that give ornaments or calendars in return for a donation if you want to give them a little token, but I think this would be so cool. If we all put 100 dollars of our Christmas shopping money directly into charities, we could make a huge difference in the world!

This one feels even more relevant than it did a year ago. We need to support organizations fighting for our environment and for human rights. You could also support efforts to help in Syria or even "adopt" a refugee family in their honor. So many options here, so think about what matters most to them.

8. A Visit from a Cleaning Service- Do you know someone with small children? Stop! Do not buy them another baby thing,

Get them a few visits from a cleaning service. You will be their favorite person forever.

This could probably work for all sorts of people, but parents of babies will love you the most, and that's the point of Christmas, right?

Check with them first; no reason to offend anyone. If you don't have much money, but you have some serious cleaning skills, this is a gift that could cost you 0 dollars.

9. Lessons- The Boy and I talk about getting cooking and dancing lessons all the time, but we have never gone for it. If you know someone has debated it, this might be the perfect way to help the person you love finally take the leap. Swimming lessons might be cool for kids too. The community college near us has a super interesting catalog of night classes, so be sure to check out what is near you too!

10. Massages- I think massages are a little awkward, but not everyone is as wimpy as me. A massage might really make their day. We did this for my brother and sister in law last year as a kind of date? Wow, that sounds awkward to me, but you go ahead and go for it, because we aren't all pasty blogging dorks.

What non-material gifts have you bought for someone?

Some of these are a little steep- I am a big supporter of going in with others to buy gifts! If we all focus on quality and not quantity, I think we can shift our paradigm on Christmas and consumption, focusing more on what really matters and less on stuff! Who can't get behind that?

If you are looking for more shopping inspiration, check out my Giant List of Shopping Lists!

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My Ten Favorite Buy Nothing Moments

I love my Buy Nothing Group.

I know, I talk about it a lot, but I genuinely feel that being part of the Buy Nothing Project radically shifted my perception of stuff, my community, even myself. The project connects neighbors through hyper local facebook groups. The members can offer and ask for things freely. It keeps things you don't want out of landfills and keeps people from wasting money. In cities, it helps you get to know your neighbors and in small communities, it creates new bonds. It's all kinds of awesome.

Expect me to keep talking about it, because my goal is that by the end of 4 years the 280,000 members will have grown to at least 2 million. It is all about people empowering themselves, but I am just going to keep talking about it until someone in Franklin, PA starts a group already. Or you give up and ask to join yours. This could help everyone, freeing up money to make more ethical and environmentally-responsible choices, so the more of us who join, the better.

It also just makes daily life better. When I get on facebook, my news feed shows me people being kind to each other, not because of who they are, but because that is what you do. I have had so many positive interactions with my neighbors, which is way swell, and I just feel better about the universe. That is pretty big these days. I have been in this gift economy for a year and a half, and these are some of my favorite interactions:

10. Gifting our Christmas Wreath

 I bought a fresh wreath at an elementary school fundraiser mostly to make my house smell like a real Christmas tree, even though we continue to use our trusty artificial one (It will look like a used fake eyelash before we throw that bad boy away). We were headed back home for the holidays, and it felt like a shame to let the wreath go to waste, so I gifted it to a young mom looking for a few decorations for her apartment. She walked a couple miles to get it, so I honored the badassery with glass of water, and we ended up sitting and chatting for a few hours while our kids played near each other (toddlers never play together- why do people pretend?). It was an unexpected way to spend our last Christmasy afternoon in the city. Plus that gorgeous pine stink still stuck for a while.

9. Gifted Tablecloths

My brother is getting married in a few weeks, so when someone recently offered 40 wedding tablecloths, I jumped at it. Do you know just how many tablecloths that is? It was HEAVY. Hopefully the tablecloths can get washed and regifted, so they will see at least 3 couples through their wedding day.

free

8.Gifted Popping Push Toy/ Plastic Shopping Cart/ Plastic Tree House/ Plastic Wagon

I hate fresh plastic toys- so much waste for no reason! Luckily, my son still got one of those magnetic drawing boards, the shopping cart, even one of those popper toys. His plastic tree house is one of his favorites. We just got them all for free. And when we are done with them, some other kid will get them for free. At this age, they can't tell the difference between used and new, and my hope is that I am giving him a different value system. The newest, shiniest thing doesn't have intrinsically more value.  More toys does not equal more fun. We have gifted toys and been gifted toys over and over again, so at any given time his collection is at least 50% used. It saves us so much money, but more importantly, it sends him important messages about consumerism and giving (not hoarding) as a regular part of life.

7.Gifting Spruce Sap

One of the group members was looking for sap from a spruce tree. We have a spruce tree! An hour or two later, our tree was less sticky and we got to help someone with a school project. Also, I learned that spruce trees are sappy. The best kind of random.

6. Gifting Treadmill/ Gifted Crib

We kicked off healthy 2016 by giving away our treadmill (perfect sense, right?). A woman got it, and her husband and his friend loaded it in their van. In November, I was gifted a crib from the same family. My husband and his brother loaded it into our car. Just goes to show that these things come around pretty fast.

about to find more pavers. also got the bucket (originally for frosting) on BN

5. Gifting Pavers

 Our flipped yard is really just built on top of the previous yard, so every time we go to do something, we find a whole floor of pavers underneath. Lucky for us, we kicked off our summer giving away a bunch of those big rocks to people to put paths through their gardens. One mom came with her toddler and loaded so many that it made her car sit lower. One woman's super annoying rock pit is another woman's treasure.

4. Gifted Food Magazines

For one of my class projects, I need pictures of food. Lots of pictures of food. So many pictures of food. Usually, I would buy a pile of food magazines and old cookbooks to fill that need. This year, I asked my Buy Nothing, and I got so many I shouldn't have to ask again for a long time. Happy to be recycling for someone, especially when the recycling turns out this cute.

3. Gifting (and watching Gifting) for people who really need it

Our city is growing fast, but lots of people are still really struggling, and I have been awed by how many times people have stepped up to help. I have seen people rally around moms leaving domestic violence situations. I have seen 10-20 people step up when someone asks for a ride to the hospital. I have seen them drop off food to someone who can't shop. We have given our newborn clothes to a premie and our swing to an exhausted mother of twins. We have given hats and warm clothes to the homeless. We have helped the group outfit elementary school classrooms with supplies. I have watch so many people empty their cupboards to help their neighbor.

I know we have problems, but I genuinely believe, have to believe that we as Americans are fundamentally good. When faced with an individual who needs help, I have never seen the group go silent. Someone helps. Usually, at least a dozen people offer. Being a participant in this is great, but it does my soul so much good to be a witness. Because when I leave my house, even in this big city, I know how many kind people are around me.

2. Gifting a Wedding Dress

I foolishly impulse bought a wedding dress at Priscilla of Boston because they were closing and had a ridiculous clearance. In the end. I wore a different dress. This spring, a woman asked if anyone had a wedding dress to gift or lend, and I did! So it traveled with my Dad and his wife across the country for her to try on. And it looked perfect. Little did I know I bought her dress for her, but it was fate. She looks amazing.

They get married next year, so I won't post a picture, but I could not be more excited about this. So glad the dress is going to good use and honored to have helped with their day!

1. Gifted the Dining Room Table

Last October, my husband was home for a sick day, and we ended up loading our sick butts into the car, renting a van, and going to a stranger's house to pick up the table. I had thrown my hat in for the table, but he was picked, then it didn't work in his space. Not only was it a kind of fun adventure, but I am super sentimental about this table. It was another growing family's first, and now our family will grow up eating their meals around this table.

It has been a lot of work (put on pause because we found out we were pregnant soon after), but the table only cost us 15 dollars for the van rental. Compare it to the same table at Pottery Barn, we saved over 2,000 dollars. We can put that money toward a trip or adventure for our family, and when it is done, we will still have a beautiful space. I love the table and I feel so grateful to live in the kind of neighborhood where things are given so freely and happily.

That's what this is all about to me. When we are willing to share with our neighbors, we can build new bonds and reprioritize our life. It doesn't have to all be about the next thing you are going to buy, and you spend most of the time considering what you have that you can give. If you aren't in a Buy Nothing group, check out their page and join. If there isn't one where you live, let's talk about starting one. This thing can change the world and change your life!

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