9 Things for this Week- Sandwiches, San Frantokyo, and Rothkos in Space

1. That I never have to watch Patton again- Boooo. BOOOO. Why are so many of the movies everyone is supposed to see Dude Movies about War? How has no one noticed how boring this stuff is? It's a bad sign when your big iconic moment is the first five minutes (and then there are HOURS of movie left).

2. Starting to bring in the finishing touches on the nursery- We have reached the fun part, hanging pictures and the mobile. I don't think the perfect magazine-ready nursery is ever going to happen (don't tell the Boy), but I am pretty proud of what we came up with using things we already have or that we can definitely use later when BBG decides he wants a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle room. There are a few things I wish we could add, but at some point, you have to make practical choices, right?

3. Handiness- The Boy killed it with the handiness this week, switching out our doorknobs, fixing a piece of furniture that came broken, and fastening things to the wall. I think even though the house is still kicking our ass, you can see that we have learned some stuff in the process, and that is worth getting excited about (also, never watch Property Brothers, because they will curse you).

4. Synthetic, horrible for you, Sugar Cookies- Oh yes, we have reached rock bottom here, and it tastes delicious. My current theory is that we are having a last breathe of immaturity, so I am not fighting our horrible decisions.

5. Tilthe- We had our last fancypants dinner just the two of us for a while (my Mom is here on Tuesday and then we have some number of parents in the house for a straight month! It will be awesome, but I am guessing the rest of 2014 will not scream romance). Tilthe is a restaurant built inside a little house in Wallingford (and not unlike our craftsman, has lots of character-I may have pulled the WC doorknob off accidentally), and they pride themselves on local and organic food. It was fun to be brave trying new things (I am not sure I actually had risotto before) and to just have a little adventure.

6. The Butcher and the Baker- We have been trying to go to this restaurant for months, but it was always closed when we tried! It is now one of my favorite places in Seattle and my absolute favorite place in our neighborhood. It just makes me so happy to find places that we want to be "our" place, and it is across the street from The Boy's bus stop, so now I have dreams of him bringing those sandwiches home with him sometimes. Plus, it is so small and cute that you can see the whole kitchen and everybody there while you are eating. Best sandwiches I have had in a long time.

7.  Sunny Fall Days in Seattle- I have already solved the mystery of why people get seasonal depression in Seattle. It is not the rain. In fact, the rain is pretty nice. It is not the seasons, because the whole area looks beautiful when the trees start changing. It's that the sun sets so early you barely see it (the beautiful sunset on the right? I took that photo around 4 o'clock yesterday)- so when it is nice, you have to get outside!

8. San Frantokyo- All in all, I did not love Big Hero 6. In fact I am pretty over this very particular brand of character design (why do all the characters look like lazy versions of The Incredibles? Why is the lead kid a slightly more Japanese version of the kid from How to Train Your Dragon? Why are the female characters' torsos smaller than the male characters' necks?). It feels like a bad sign when the design of a film is so unabashedly lazy (not to mention the line writing- if you have a great story, you need things to also work on the dialogue level. Show don't tell people! You are professional filmmakers, for goodness sake! Especially if you are dealing with a bunch of engineers, where the personality types are so easily demonstrated). Anyway, clearly not a huge fan, but kudos to whoever did the design work for San Frantokyo, because it was gorgeous. Not only was it beautiful, but it was loyal to the shape of both cities and it took something familiar and changed it just enough to make it really interesting to look at. I really loved the play with the city spaces.

9. Ralph Pugay- This artist won the Betty Bowen Award and was on display at SAM (we went to see Pop Departures, which I haven't settled my opinion on yet, because I need to read the essays in the catalog). He painted this picture of Rothkos in Space (like Pigs in Space, come on!) which I now know I have been waiting to see my whole life. It's not often you laugh out loud in an art museum, so you have to love an artist whose paintings make you laugh and critique the institution in such biting ways. And he is based out of Oregon, so not too far away.

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What does it mean to be a Steward? Green Living, Christianity, and Taking Care of God's Creation

 

Marc Chagall, Adam and Eve, St Stephen Mainz Germany
from flickr.com

 "Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,” and any other commandment, are summed up in this word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law."-Romans 13: 8-10

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change" -James 1:17

I have been a Christian since I was a child, and my very basic understanding of Jesus Christ and Christianity is this (pardon the crass paraphrase here, I am no theologian). He showed up and told people,  "You are letting these accumulations of rules and religious baggage pull you away from God. The two greatest rules are to love God and love each other." Basically everything else in the red letters, to my mind, expands on this, and he tells story after story about these themes.

In the prodigal son, we see the unconditional love of the father at play, but we can also learn from the "good" son, who stays and works, then feels frustrated and jealous that his misbehaving sibling receives such love. We can learn that being close to God is a reward in itself, and just because you do everything "right" doesn't mean God loves you more. It's the other side of grace.

In the good Samaritan, we watch a bunch of people who are supposedly "right" with God turn their back on an undesirable person who needs their help. Like so many of the examples that Jesus sets in his actions, this story shows the value and love in helping someone who doesn't agree with you or who is even your enemy. Your taking care of others pleases God.

I think a lot about the seemingly simple charge to love others and to love God, and what this action entails. These two instructions dominate and organize my faith (and deeply inform my being a liberal and a feminist as well).  If you really accept God as creator of everything, then loving others, no matter what their religion or race or whatever becomes (in my one opinion) an absolute necessity, because they are just like that prodigal son- maybe not on the same track to Him as you are, but equally loved by Him (and it's not your business or your right to judge them beyond that). I know that loving someone means communicating (it's why we pray and meditate, right?), it means to care, it means to "protect, trust, hope, and persevere." We show these people love because God created them, and just like we wouldn't rip up a handmade gift (I mean, no one rips up a scarf from their grandma or a card from a child), we should treasure other humans as specially made by Him.

What could we as Christians do better to love God and show him we are grateful for his creation? One of the clearest (but most difficult) answers to this question is to be better stewards. When God first charged Adam and Eve to take care of the world he made them, the task was relatively straightforward- take care of the Earth and the animals on it. In Genesis, we read "“Then God said, Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

He gave us responsibility for everything on the Earth, to build up his creation and to take care of it. Everything was right in front of their eyes, so if there was a problem, they could see it. Thousands of years later, capitalism has pulled us far away from these things- we (mostly) don't grow or hunt our own food, we don't take care of our own waste,  and we don't make about 99% of what we use (is anyone reading this actually wearing something they made? I am wearing a sweater from The Gap and eating Goldfish, so I know I fail this test.

Green practices, tree-hugging, etc. has become another political issue where I believe in some cases, Chist-claiming politicians are actually fighting against our charge as Christians. The debate about global warming rages on, but no matter what your opinion, can you really say that you are honoring God's creation in how you are living your life? Why does it even matter when it is CLEAR we are not doing what we should as human beings and as a nation to take care of the world around us? Are you encouraging kind treatment of animals, of plants, of the Earth? I know I could do much better at this. If you aren't making it yourself, I believe STRONGLY it is your responsibility as a Christian to vote with your money, to show companies that your won't give them money for treating the earth badly. To me, this would include buying ethically treated animals, shopping at places that treat their workers right, and encouraging Earth-friendly modes of eliminating waste in your neighborhood.

The next response to this line of thinking is "Holy crap, do you know how hard it would be to do all of this?" I totally agree! This is a huge challenge, not to mention how expensive it is in some cases (buying ethical meat is so much more costly for example).

Tough noogies. I think stewardship should be hard. Much like taking care of your home, your body, or the things that are immediate to you, taking care of the world should be continuing labor and it should cost you something. It never becomes something you don't have to try at, but the longer you let it go, the harder it becomes to pull things back together. God made us this way for a reason. Capitalism likes to promise easy, speedy, and cheap, but this lie they sell us over and over again isn' doing any of us any good individually or on a larger scale (see- self-checkout. It's not that much faster, they are literally putting you to work, and you are costing someone their job). The sooner we give up this idea, the better we can serve God through the way we live our daily lives.

So I know we as a family are resolving to become better stewards for the Earth. Not to be perfect, but to try to shop ethically. We are lucky that Seattle has composting and recycling as part of their garbage service, and I have to say, I am blown away by how little actual garbage you have once you compost (it is smelly though, if we are keeping it honest- I don't remember reading about stinkiness in the Bible except for Ehud in Judges, and that is unrelated). The true owner of your home and Earth is God, you are just keeping it right now. He gave us his best, so I am striving to better give him my best at this as well. I think there are some simple steps you could take if you wanted to start small:

1. Canvas grocery bags! Not only are they way way better for the environment, they also hold more stuff. Sure, you get to have the moment where you realize you left your bag in the car at least once a month, but if you are a normal person, the routine eventually takes over (I still fail at this).
2. Walk places or carpool. I know the possibility to do this varies a lot depending where you live, but if you can (meaning to me, less than 2 miles of a safe walk), then why not? It's better for you too! Also, please don't ride your bike. I hate bike riders. They are my mortal enemies (but really, if you can trade a ride in the car for a quick bike ride, I support that).
3. Stop using straws! I think this may have set this whole thing off for me. Do you know how much waste the average American makes just from all those one time use plastic straws? Really people, if you aren't a toddler, you can probably stand to skip the plastic lid and straw at a restaurant. Keep ones in your car like you keep napkins, and when you go through fast food or starbucks, turn down the ones they offer.
4. Use more ethical eggs- Unless you are supergranola Mindy, you probably buy your eggs. Eggs and their farmers have gotten on board with cage-free or organic fed practices more quickly, and in most cases, it is one of the smaller/ more affordable changes you can make.
5. Meatless Mondays (and Tuesdays)- A good way to cut down on meat cost so you can buy whatever you will eat is to have a few more meals with eggs or nuts as the proteins. It can really help, and you can put that money into the better choices at your grocery store if your farmer's market meat is as crazy expensive as ours.
6. Plant things- On a daily basis, we take and take from the world around us. If you can grow things where you live, even on your patio, grow them! Creation is one of the most beautiful things we can do as human beings, so do it more. Not to mention, if you are taking care of even a small percentage of what farmer's are doing, you can better appreciate the labor being put in.
7. Reuse! We receive the message over and over as Americans that we should want the newest, biggest, or best thing. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is figure out how to make the best of what we have first. I know as we have been looking for furniture, there are so many places selling simple things like shelves and dressers used, and you can paint and fix them up for way less than new furniture. The more you can make the best of what you have, the less you are using resources.
8. Actually unplug things! I am the worst about this, but we could probably all use a lot less electric if we didn't have 1 electronics on at the same time. I also read that if you do a better job caulking holes and weatherproofing your house, you can consume a lot less energy heating and cooling it. My mother got solar panels, and she will get all that money back in electric bills she doesn't have to pay. That's a dramatic move, but I think it is food for thought for us.
9. Compost and Recycle- If your community doesn't support it, this may be a fight worth having. Organic waste in regular dumps are much less likely to break down over time, so it only adds to the giant pile of junk taking over- do we really want to live like they do in Wall-E?
10. Write when a company packages things badly- Amazon often asks for packaging feedback- If you are receiving things that use unrecyclable packing material, complain. I just wrote the company we bought our crib from, because it came in all sorts of styrofoam. You can also question a store or company when things are packaged way more than they need to be- why is that even there?
11. This is huge, YOU VOTE WITH YOUR MONEY- If you spend money on something unethical, you are telling that company that you are ok with it, they should put more money into that, etc. If you care about animals, why would you tell them it is ok to treat them badly? Do the research, and if it seems sketchy, it probably is.

Obviously, all of these might be tiny steps, but they add up. After 5 years of using canvas bags, I know we have changed how much plastic waste we make.

Even though you can find lots of ideas for concrete steps to take, I think being a Steward of the Earth is more of a mindset than a simple set of concrete steps, because the world we live in makes some good choices completely unavailable. It also is difficult because so often the Earth-friendly choice is not the cheapest or least time-consuming, but that doesn't keep it from being worthwhile. Here is another (much more comprehensive) list of things you can do for your house if you own one (but some of the things on the list are about shopping, so that might help.  This is another essay on Green Living and Christian stewardship that I thought was sweet and on point.

We are going to try to keep trying and stepping up our lifestyle to minimize impact. If you also try to practice good stewardship, how do you do it?

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Hey Matt Walsh: Take it Easy on Young People

This week another Matt Walsh blog has been floating around my facebook newsfeed, and though I generally like the frankness of his writing, I really though this blog was more destructive than interesting. Matt was encouraging people in their 20's to get married and have babies- revolutionary, right? I think that this blog hit on a few of the key assumptions that I think are very destructive to our mission as Christians:

1. This (insert choice here) has worked really well for me, so clearly everyone should do it.
2. Oh, this choice doesn't fit you? Then clearly there is something really really wrong with you (because it couldn't possibly be my plan or perspective, which should fit everyone).

This set of moves in logic drives me absolutely nuts, as it tries to negate the many privilege you have that fuel your choices ("everyone should buy a Ferari, and if you don't, it must be because you are stupid") and the profound, deep, and beautiful differences between people (all of whom were made by the same God). As a 28 year old who is in fact married and having a baby, you would think I would support his argument, but I mostly think he is way off base this time. Here's why:

Walsh starts off his argument by saying that we are the most marriage-averse generation in history, and therefore our current behavior is another sign of society's destruction. I mean, we could spend a whole blog just talking about how narrow minded and historically incorrect that point is. Maybe he means in Western history? Judeo Christian history? Not to mention, if you measure marriage ages against average lifespans, we aren't that far off the general mark.

 Also, does being married at 25 really make you that radically different from your peers? I have a very large collection of bridesmaid dresses that beg to differ. If the social-expectation has changed, it hasn't done so in such a dramatic way that a married person in their mid-20's has become am exotic rare flower. Less marriages? Sure, yes. So much so that it deserves this sense of urgency? I don't thik so.

Walsh sees the institution of marriage as "integral to our advancement" as a species, and again, he isn't wrong (I mean, if we all suddenly stopped being able to reproduce Children of Men style, we would be in trouble), but the situation also does seem more complex than that. We are one of the first generations who can clearly see the cost of very dense human populations on the world's resources, and I think you could make the argument that taking it slightly easier on reproducing can be beneficial to the ever-growing population of unwanted children (I know at least two unrelated people who chose to adopt rather than marry and bear children) as well as the potential problems of population overgrowth. Maybe Matt Walsh is in the "Global Warming, who?" pack of Christians, and I can actually respect that, but there is an absolute arrogance to suggesting that the duggars are doing the world 19 times the favor by having way more kids, using way more resources, and announcing their pregnancies 10 minutes after conception.

I also think he is only talking about marriage as the heteronormative privilege (hence the extreme focus on child-making), leaving out the fact that not everyone can get married. Just the choice is a privilege many still don't have, and I don't think that should be forgotten here.

Marriage and kids obviously doesn't have to mean super-spawning, but the starting suggestion that we are self-destructing because we aren't all hankering to populate the Earth might have as much to do with what the world looks like (I mean, most of us also aren't living agrarian lifestyles, and therefore don't need to produce our own workforce) as a generational attitude.


Matt implores us, his friends, to not be afraid of marriage. I think that's a fair enough request. Avoiding anything because you are afraid of it is a pretty sad and self-defeating way to live. But so is doing things just because you think it is what you are "supposed to do." Again, not everyone even can do it, so the access to it is not as simple or self-evident as the essay suggests. He seems to only be writing to people who are just like him, meaning they probably also think just like him already.

I am married. I am going to have a baby, so I can't say "oh this institution is bunk." I like being married so far, and I do think everyone should have the choice to do it. But I can also recognize that I benefit from a lot of privileges that make the choice available and just doable. So here are a few factors I think Matt got wrong or should consider more fully:

1. Not everyone needs marriage- Matt points out early in the article that he lived completely on his own and then with a spouse. He prefers living with his wife over living alone. Awesome. I am happy for you, but is it not possible that some people might actually enjoy being alone more? I mean, you can find these figures in the Bible, so we know it isn't the only available focus. I also completely believe that God gives a lot of important and loving relationships in our life; it is cool when we can have a spouse who fits in that category, but to not notice the other hugely important bonds you have in your life is kind of ungrateful. Siblings, friends, and room mates can hold equally important positions in a heart. These other relationships and priorities can require equal commitment and labor, but it may not look as conventional from the outside. Again, just because this one source works for you does not mean that is the case for everyone.

2. "Just be more Mature" is not Helpful Advice- A number of Matt's points (1, 3, and 5) suggest that you can't wait until you have your life/ money/ career totally worked out before you get married because that will never happen. In theory, I actually totally agree with that; my experience with adulthood so far is that no one ever knows what the heck they are doing, so you have to take some leaps before you totally understand the situation, or you will stand still your whole life. Truth.

On the other (very important) hand, we are not projects for another person to fix. No one is ever going to help you get to a good point with yourself, and I don't think there is anything wrong with that at all. You will keep growing and changing, and the amazing trick of lasting marriages is somehow coordinating that change, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be good with who you are at the starting gate. If you get married too early in your 20's, you cut off those few years where you don't owe your choices to parents or your spouse. You only have a teeny window to factor only yourself into that equation, and though that time isn't necessary for everyone, it is essential for others. It doesn't make you selfish to want to have independent growth, it is selfish to expect someone else to take care of that growth for us. Taking your time and making the decision with some experience behind it could show more respect for the decision.

3. Priorities aren't necessarily jumbled because they don't look like yours- Yeah, you basically do need money (and basic money-handling skills) to be married! I love that he feels like people aren't getting married because they want to buy iphones. How condescending can you be, man? Money is a tremendously stressful part of our lives, and in general, many people don't get into the jobs they want or trained for until struggling through free labor and minimum wage situations. Bringing in that level of stress to a marriage shows a lack of maturity to me, if anything. Feeding 2 people costs more than one, and even if you can minimize that impact as you add more and more, but it doesn't change the fact that you need to figure out how to feed one first. 

I would say the key positive advice here is to take the time to know what your priorities are, because spending money on stuff that isn't even that important to you is easy to fall into. I know that I have trouble sometimes accepting other people's priorities, but you don't get to say someone else is being selfish just because they don't do life like you do. I can remember on more than one occasion a friend telling me they can't travel like we do because they are married/ have a baby/ aren't rich like us. We prioritized travel for a long time (giving up lots of other things), because we valued our relationships with our extended family that much. We could have gotten married and started spawning sooner if we didn't want to see our grandmas multiple times a year, but that isn't who we are, and I have no interest in apologizing for it. Nor do I think anyone else should. If you want an iphone, or a trip to France, or to be able to volunteer and go on mission trips more than you want to be married, why would that be a bad thing?

4. The Right One (Soulmate, One and Only, etc) does not Exist, but there are Plenty of Wrong Ones- I don't believe in soul mates or the One, and I also do think it can create a situation where you can hand off responsibility to fate when maybe taking care of your relationship would be a healthier course. At the same time, just because there isn't a One and Only doesn't mean any interested applicant would fit just fine. As a kid, I thought you could make it work with anyone if you wanted it bad enough, but that assumption is totally and ridiculously wrong. Compatible communication styles matter. Shared values matter. Please, for goodness sakes, be choosy and don't hand your heart off to anyone who shows interest. Finding a good partner, who you really can be friends with, seems way more important to me than just locking something down.

5. Boooooo Lame Tropes about Biology- I have generally enjoyed Matt Walsh because he seems deeply respectful of the women in his life, but all of number 7 is a straight-to-all-you-vagina-carriers  bummer. It again suggests that there is one path to reproduction and nothing else matters, when that clearly isn't the case for SO MANY PEOPLE. Not to mention this kind of "have your babies now or you NEVER GET BABIES" narrative is not only false, but it traps women back into some Susie Homemaker role. I agree that our biology is not a mistake, but I don't agree that just because pregnancy at 22 is the path of least biological resistance means it is the right (or even available) choice for someone else. I love living in a world where multiple routes to parenthood exists, and I wish Matt was a lot more open-minded on this front. Pregnancy and parenting are hard on your mind, your body, and your time. Someone has to take care of that tiny person, and it is a simultaneously selfless and totally selfish thing to devote time you could be giving to others to a tiny person that continues your own "legacy." If you want to invest your body or time or things elsewhere, I say phooey on anyone who makes you feel bad about it (I also say phooey on anyone who tries to make you feel bad for choosing to have kids). You only have so much effort and time, that is absolutely true, but creating some arbitrary finish lines robs you of the value of what you are doing now. And on that note...

6. Maybe marriage and parenthood will be the best adventure of your life. Or it could be going to nurse children's heart surgeries in Africa. Or writing your first book. Or becoming a badass embroidery artist. Or curing cancer. Or going on a balloon journey across the ocean-  I am glad that Matt is so happy with his choice, and that it has proven to be so exciting and enriching for him. But I am not Matt. And neither are any of you. So have the adventures you want to have, because really, if your dream is to build the Eiffel Tower out of dry spaghetti or make the next great American film, or lobby against handguns or for animal shelters, or speak 10 languages, those are all pretty awesome adventures too. I want to hear all about those. Even if you get married and have kids, please have your adventures too. I hate the suggestion that the dream of a family should trump all other dreams. In relationships, you have to have your own interests and growth to keep bringing something fresh to the table; I can't see why that wouldn't be the same for families.

7. No, You aren't your Parents. But then again, you kind of are (and no matter what, you are carrying a bunch of their nonsense with you)- Matt happily owns that his parents remain married, then suggests that many of us poor millenials are "jaded" by our unhappy childhoods. I find it interesting that Matt feels we were victimized by our "selfish, immature parents" while simultaneously suggesting we get married sooner (wouldn't it be better not to reproduce until some of that selfishness was worked out?). But I would argue that so many adults whose parents were divorced aren't jaded, but take deeply seriously the incredible challenges marriage brings with it. This business is incredibly difficult, and you put everything you are on the line to make it work. We see how crushing it is to everyone when it fails, and I have had so many long, deep conversations about how we can do it differently, but also how we know we are the same. Matt chalks it all up to our parents' choices, but from my perspective, sometimes a bad fit doesn't immediately reveal itself. Or not everyone is in on the choice to dissolve a marriage. A partnership can promote a lot of growth, but the destruction of one leaves scars forever, and pretending they don't exist is a fool's game.

Not to mention, if you haven't lived in a household with a happy marriage at the center of it, you have to author your own idea of what a happy marriage would even look like. In some ways, I think this is incredibly freeing, but building something totally new just takes longer than taking a path that you've already seen work.

Couldn't it be that our generations isn't being flippant or selfish or even afraid, but that we are taking the institution of marriage more seriously by taking our time, making informed decisions, and choosing a path that specifically fits our understandings of ourselves? I am the same age as Matt Walsh and stand on the other end of my 20's just like him. I just don't think there is a wrong way to do it as long as you aren't hurting yourself or others. I am excited and encouraged to see all of the ways people get from here to there, and I feel relieved that there is no one finish line we are all racing toward. Everyone gets to make their own path and design their own life the way that best suits them, and in general, I see people taking that responsibility very seriously (and no, not just in some naval-gazing way, but asking great questions about who they are so they can really give to others). We are also one of the most volunteering generations since that history has been documented, and I don't think that is unrelated to the same trends Matt bemoans.

I understand that when you like the way things are going, you want so badly for everyone to get to feel that same joy, but I think essays like these make the mistake of taking that instinct too far. Someone making another choice doesn't make your choice (or theirs) bad. The beauty of reaching your 20's is that we are each fulfilling our own goals, so grading someone else by your rubric of happiness or priorities becomes completely (and thankfully) ineffective. So get married if you want (I never turn down an occasion for cake), or don't, or do it later, or do it once everyone can do it. I think we can each individually put goodness, selflessness, and love into the world in a way that fits exactly the person God made them into, and that's a beautiful miracle, not a threat. 







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Wedding Wednesday- Tips for getting Fit for your Wedding (especially if you aren't the kind of person who generally cares)

I am not going to say I am expert on this- clearly I am not. But over the last 3 years I have lost a good chunk of weight in a very slow way. Now, in preparation for the wedding, the Fancy has put us on a pretty strict diet plan and I push us on the Zumba.

I think the wanting to feel on top of your body for this makes sense to a certain extent, and it kind of annoys me that people constantly tell other getting married to not try for this at all. If nothing else, the transition gives you the opportunity to look at how you are living your life and what you can do better. I think it is a good thing. And if exerting more effort in any exercisey/ foody direction makes you feel better or at least more in control of the whole making a spectacle of yourself thing, then that seems fine to me too. We have taken advantage of the whole- this is the payoff structure to actually try, which is new, and has mixed results that generally I feel good about. So that's that.We are not sporty/outdoorsy/ particularly showy people, but we both have watched parents struggle with weight, and I know I don't want this to be a continuing narrative for the rest of my life. I at least want to understand it. 

Now that I am a little bit less than a month out, and honestly I think we will let up rather than bear down (people, it gets stressful at the end!) I thought I would give the tips that actually worked for us.

1. Learn to Pay Attention- A few months ago I signed up for Livestrong, and diet-wise, it is the best thing I ever did. I force myself to be totally honest on there, and it makes me so much more aware of how I eat. I like to sneak things, snack a little, but those things build up. By writing it all down, I really became aware of how much I was getting in my own way. It was a big paradigm shift. It also helped me shake off pop, hopefully forever, because I realized even the diet stuff sucked away my daily allowances for things. It is not worth it. I would say if you want to lose weight, start on a program like that, and there are many of them. The best you can do is set a standard for yourself and then be honest.

2. Find Something Exercisey that Isn't Too Horrible, and then Do It until it gets Horrible- Ugh, did I mention I also hate exercising? I like group classes, I don't mind aerobic-y stuff, but I hate to run, bike, etc. I find it all so boring. I need something that is changing to keep my brain busy so I am not just thinking "Man I Hate Exercise." I would highly recommend switching up what you do, but never doing nothing. One day might just be a simple walk with the fancy, but once you make it part of your routine, you just know you can't go to bed having done nothing.

3. Give Yourself Lots of Time, and Just Make Little Changes- This one is HUGE. Honestly, I have never dieted, but I know those things don't last. You know what is a good decision and what is a bad decision, and those should shift over time. A year ago I would have thought we were doing perfectly well if I had 2 cups of juice and pasta. Now, that would be a borderline bad day. There are definitely things we do now (tonight we got pizza and salad) that may not cut it a year from now. You are not a crazy actress on a microbiotic diet. Just start identifying 1 thing you could do better and do it. Build up momentum, but you should never be taking huge leaps. It's like that with exercise too. Even if you only do a little bit, it is better than doing nothing.

4.Fish- I love fish and seafood and it is super good for you. And it is not chicken. Chicken is so boring.  And it can be easier to get good information on what is most ethical to eat. It is also often one of the best healthy options on any menu. I realize this is more convenient in California than elsewhere, but the key is finding foods you love that are still good for you.

5. Buy a Dress You Already Love on Yourself- Ugh, how many times I stood in the bridal salon and thought "well maybe my stomach will be flat by then!" We are a month and change out. I still have my faithful companion the pooch. It is never going away. And even if it did, if I had worn the dress that was tight to my stomach, I would have thought every bunch of fabric was my chubby middle. It's not, but it is where I feel less secure. I do not want to play those games with myself. It's another one of those things, where you have to feel beautiful from the get, and everything else is bonus. No bargaining, or hoping, or starving. That's it.

6. Practice Making an Effort to Look Pretty- Like I said in an earlier blog, I am not the girl who generally cares about this stuff, but honestly I have enjoyed learning more about it as I get into wedding stuff. Take steps that make you feel good about how you look, whether it be wearing your favorite outfit or trying new makeup. You have to figure out how you already feel good about yourself, and focus on that stuff. This isn't about figuring out how to "fix" anything, but just actively making the decision to notice the things you like about yourself and focus on those things. That good feeling, rather than the blergy feeling I mostly feel when I look at myself, pushes me forward and motivates me to keep trying.

I feel like this one is really important, but there is no way to talk about it that isn't riddled with platitudes. In general, we are always willing to treat other people with love, to understand their beauty as being enhanced and nuanced by things they might perceive as flaws. I feel like we can accept the uniqueness of other's attractiveness easily because we look at a lot of people, so variety makes sense and feels good. On the other hand, we are stuck with ourselves, and that intimacy seems to more easily push us to just see good old flaws. We want ourselves to be everything, and no one is that way. If you are going to decide to commit to getting healthy, exercising, whatever, you pretty much have to commit to appreciating all the good stuff that is already there, because if you can't do that you will go crazy. It will never be enough. You owe yourself moments where you feel great and unique and beautiful and whatever else you are already. This isn't lady-centric either.  It doesn't have to be the center of your universe, but the more you can connect with that confidence, the less it has to be.

7. Every Day is a New One, Just Try to Do Better- You are going to mess up. Everytime we go home, I am sure this is the time we will actually be good. Then we get to my in-laws house and they have the best bread in the world. And I go out to dinner with my Dad, and just can't skip the Calimari. Or we decide on a whim to have a late night date and get drinks and dessert. I do my best not to feel too guilty about these moments. The next day will be better. Or we will skip out on Zumba 10 minutes in because we are just sick of Beto (this happened last night). Tonight, we will do better.

8. Don't Deprive Yourself, Because Getting Married Is Crazy Enough- Have your carbs at lunch. When you really want to have whatever that thing is you love, just have it. Who cares. If you are working harder on exercise, you won't self-sabotauge in the same way, because it is like throwing all your work away. But, for goodness sake, somedays planning a wedding is stressful, and if you are a stress eater (like I am) some days it is better to just give yourself a break. Not to mention, going crazy takes away the fun of the whole event, and if you aren't having fun, what exactly is the point? You can slave that weight off, but it won't make you all that much happier in the end. Choose your battles, and if you are feeling totally miserable, honest to goodness, you are pushing too hard. You can slowly move toward what you want, and you are so much likelier to stick with it. If you make yourself crabby, crazy, or (the worst) mean, you have accomplished nothing. F You Kate Moss, plenty of things taste better than skinny feels.

9. Fall in love with fruit- Fruit is the best. It is delicious and sweet and wonderful. In the summer it is even not all that expensive. You know what else is great? Zucchini! You can put it in like anything and then pat yourself on the back for eating healthy-ish. Look, you can eat a million kiwis and it will never be as good as cake. But if you eat 3 kiwis first, you may want less cake. At least that is how it has worked for me. I eat a pretty steady stream of sweets from fruit to try to keep my sweet tooth satisfied. Plus, then maybe you can avoid all the freaking greek yogurt and granola that every health website will try to talk you into.

10. And this is the Best Advice Ever... DRINK WATER- Everything will tell you to do this, but for good reason! I used to be the kind of person who would pass out from dehydration before I would drink water (no seriously, I did that). I loved clear pop, juice, really anything with sugar at its heart. I have weened myself off pop over the course of 2 years (I don't even have it at restaurants anymore, which was the rule for a long time). Now I have juice if we go out for brunch or something, but there is none in the house! Tasty crutches are all removed! Now, with the help of a cute Livestrong animation that congratulates me when I have 8 glasses, I down at least 6 to 10 glasses a day. It still tastes like nothing. It still is in no way a pleasure, but it isn't horrible. And my skin looks so so so so much better. No lie. If all it did was clear/ brighten up my skin it would be worth it. And the water fills me up so I don't feel as snacky. Everything will tell you this as its advice, but trust it. They are not wrong. Just cutting the pop business might be enough to help you lose that little bit of weight that makes you feel better and you can happily gain back once you are a married woman.

Anyway, this is my advice, which is not ground-breaking, but svelting up has been a part of wedding prep, and I have learned a lot from it as it has gone on. I think the biggest testament as this goes on is that as much as we talk about eating all cake diets once we are married, we both admitted today that we don't really want to go back completely. But then again, I so do! I am proud of us for sticking with it, which is probably a good long term skill to have in your arsenal. I am mostly happy that we are getting to the parts that are celebrations, and I don't want to be the bride just eating lettuce. Nobody should be that girl! The only thing worse than water is lettuce!

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My Favorite Things from our Quick Trip to New Orleans

1. Collaborative Packing- This fine art nearly transforms the chore into fun. Nearly. I feel like we will spend the rest of our life perfecting the strategy and getting our time down. I think we have finally reached the point where it takes more time to unpack than to pack, but we still overpack every single time. Does anyone have any tricks for this?
2. Horse paintings- On Thursday, I genomed a lot of beautiful things from a gallery in Hong Kong, and was shocked just how often horse paintings still came up (historically, it makes sense, but horses still dominate the contemporary work as well). Jack Donaghy would approve (especially if you threw in some ship paintings).
3. Green Onion- Makes anything instantly seem super fresh.
4. The African Cafe in the Seattle Airport- On Friday morning when we walked by, "Circle of Life" was playing. That is how legitimately "African" this restaurant is. Also, they don't sell any actual African food.
5. Spiderman kid in the Houston Airport- I am not impressed by the Bush Airport; there are no maps, it makes no sense, and they only put moving walkways in places where you do not need them. It actually seems to want to impede your  ability to make decisions (we can all just imagine the political joke that will get me angry family emails here). Truly, this airport is a mess. On the other hand, there was a kid (in a suit no less) who was doing spin moves and casting webs all over the place. Why didn't Sartre say "Heaven is other people, at least the ones pretending to be Spiderman"?

6. Our First Kitchen Nightmares Restaurant- How did we kick off our trip to the Big Easy? By going to the place where the owner threatened to feed Gordon Ramsey to the alligators. And we ate alligator. The Boy read that the busy idiot brother is no longer attached and the place is pretty good now. I have fried oysters, and they were awesome, so I agree, though Gordon would not like the pictures in the menu. Also, we had the first of MANY super kickass New Orleans servers.

7. Late Night Beignets at Cafe du Monde- We planned on going for breakfast, but we just happened upon the cafe on our first walk around the French Quarter (drunks, but mostly sloppy not belligerent or angry), so we went for it. It reminded me of those dates  you go on where you are having such a great time that you add another activity on to the end. Just the kind of business you can't pull with spawn, and therefore a perfect part of our babymooning.

8. New Orleans Cemeteries- I knew that New Orleans funerals were these kind of joyful, musical events, but the cemeteries are also amazing. Like beautiful little death cities. Apparently because of where the city is built, bodies will eventually float back up if you bury them in the ground, which sounds pretty horrible for everyone involved. So this solution proves to be creepy and beautiful, while avoiding the body floating which is plenty creepy, but not beautiful.

9. Creole Tomatoes- I love a tomato, and love a tomato salad even more. I wanted to try the creole tomato, because it has a reputation for being really sweet and delicious. It reminded me of tomatoes people grew in Pennsylvania, but it still made me happy.
10. New Orleans Service- Almost all of our servers were awesome. We were nervous to go to Commander's Palace (we just feel like posers at fancy places), but the whole jazz brunch had a fun playful atmosphere, and our server was funny, odd, and really welcoming. God bless a server who can see you are pregnant and comes up with some cocktail ideas for you. Also, her food runner had a ridiculous mustache, kept dancing when he thought people weren't looking, and requested the band play slayer. He also gave the Boy a hat for finishing his dessert. I guess the focus on really capable and warm servers makes sense with the Southern hospitality deal, but it still caught us by surprise.

11. Pag's future career- Commander's Palace (and many other local restaurants) has a jazz brunch where a small ensemble plays while you eat. I can totally imagine Bullyhill Brass doing it, and we heard so many songs that I mostly have only heard my relatives play, so that was exciting.
12. Dude Pool- I was so excited to go swimming (seriously, the best feeling ever to walk into the pool right now), but it turned out to be very busy in the afternoon (despite the impending thunderstorm). It was busy with dudes, looking for hot girls in swimsuits. The ratio of men to women was like 10 to 1 (and most of the women were older or me), and the bros were each pretty bro-ish. Two women were at the pool, and I saw the men kind of circling, but neither woman looked all that interested. The Boy says New Orleans serves as the Las Vegas of the East, and it did have large collectives of dudes, but I have to believe Las Vegas pools are luckier for the men. Also, I would like to be a yenta and just brazenly force people's love connections.
13. Pregnancy stories- People in New Orleans were really friendly and ready to share their own pregnancy and delivery tales. My favorite/ the most traumatizing was told to us by a girl in a candy store, whose cousin gave birth to triplets when they thought she was only expecting one baby. I do not understand how this could possibly happen, but it is truly horrifying.
14. The Besh and his hair- We went to a John Besh restaurant, and they have all of his cookbooks right up front, so in case you didn't know before, you are eating a beautiful person's food. Also, the food was delicious. Best pasta ever (with more tomatoes!).

15. Street musicians who are really freaking good- the majority of the Seattle street musicians play acoustic guitars and mumble. On our last night, we just walked around the city, and we came across the best trio ever (though Nick felt they played the same song too long). One of my favorite moments of the whole trip.
16. D2, DC, and too much time in the airport- We showed up at the New Orleans Airport 2 hours before our flight (our standard time) at 11 AM. We were through security at 11:06. The terminal only had 12 gates. We perhaps made a mistake, but we had a fun time doing laps in the airport, because we are weird like that.
17. Pens that explode- About once a year, I have a pen destroy my hands, some chunk of clothing I am wearing, and The Boy's fledgling belief that I am sort of like an adult. It's worth it to use nice pens, not horrible ones like he does.
18. The Sadness of a Trip being over being Replaced by the Comfort and Drive of getting back home- I think we get sad every time we have to leave, and this trip was perhaps even worse, because we knew we wouldn't be adventuring again any time soon. But you get home, and you can be in your own bed,  and you start checking things off your list, and it mostly feels really good. Back to work!

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An Earth-Friendly, American-Made Baby Registry- Part Three- Eating and Sleeping

This is the third installment of my baby registry for parents trying to minimize their tiny babies early footprint- a new baby comes with oodles of new stuff, but if you can find use for what you already own, buy things used, and buy (or register for) green or Made in the USA products (which have to travel much shorter distances), you can approach all this stuff in a totally new way! Check here for the other parts or here for the quick and easy list of links.

bottles and feeding

Much like diapering, how you approach these purchases depends on how you plan on tackling the job.

There is lots of talk of "Breast is best" but I think feeding your baby is best. Do what you need to do, but don't bother with a breast pump if you have no real intention to breastfeed, and don't spend a lot on bottles if you are starting on the breast (wait and test bottles for the baby you have). Likewise, if you decide to do Baby-led weaning, you probably don't need much to store baby food in, but you might want more of the safe feeders. Your choices will work just fine, but shop for what you want to do, and not for what other people tell you to do.

Baby Food Storage
Baby Safe Feeders
Bibs
Bottles
Breast Pump
Breastfeeding Pillow
Burp Rags
Dishwasher Basket
Drying Rack
High Chair
Nursing Pad
Nursing Cover
Pacifiers
Silverware
Baby Food Maker
Wubba Nubs

Baby Mush Storage (new)- POPFEX makes freezer trays that help you portion out and save your baby food after you make it (which is seriously so cheap and easy to do). You can pop this in the freezer, then pop out your little food nubbins. I also think this could continue to be helpful for other purposes after the short-lived baby food phase.

Even if you make your own food (which is easier, cheaper, and less granola than it seems), you will probably end up buying a couple baby foods here and there- as long as you don't get the pouches (one use, non-recyclable, and honestly, not much more convenient), you will have a collection of bottles to fill too. This tray can be purely for what you want to freeze.

Baby Safe Feeders (new)- You can put food in these little nubbies to help the baby in his or her start with food. You can put any kind of food inside and just let them have at it (still messy, but no worries about choking). These have also been our favorite teether- fill it up with ice or frozen fruit and it soothes gums.

from Kinder Sprouts

Bibs (used/ new)- You will get so many of these! Oodles even! I might set a preference, but you really need like 5-7 tops, depending on how many times you do laundry. Used ones mostly would be just fine, but I can't remember seeing many when I have shopped used. These ones are organic and Made in the US, but honestly, I wouldn't invest much in these- by them used or graciously accept the cutesy nonsense you are given in this case.  Petit Chalet and Fabulous Saturday does cute sets if you want to kick some baby shower gifting ass. Bandana bibs are also in (like these from Kishu Baby), and you can buy great ones at Etsy stores like TrendyBabyMoccShop, The Pleated Petal, Organic Mama Design, The Ivy Lantern, Jenny Penny Designs, and Kinder Sprouts.

Lifefactory on Amazon

Bottles (new and used)- The good news is there are tons of Made in America options among the made in China plastic, but some front runners shine through. I highly recommend doing glass over plastic- every time a new study comes out, the plastic bottles look worse for our babies (yes, even the BPA-free ones). Plus, if you plan on more than one child, glass bottles will still be in perfect shape when Spawn #2 arrives.

We have two sets of glass bottles, and we love them both. Lifefactory makes these bottles with silicon sleeves (they also have a 4 oz version and both can be easily transformed into sippy cups with these caps)- they are beautiful and made completely ethically. They are also lighter than you might expect and we loved them for the bottle to sippy transition. These are splurges for sure, but I think they are worth it. The other glass bottles we have are made by evenflo, and they are more affordable (and great for travel). Both are great.

We fell in love with glass, so when we found some 4 oz glass bottles in the consignment store, we grabbed them up. If you see them, GET THEM! Crazy good investment.

Dr Brown's has glass bottles, which would have a longer life and don't add to the endless pile of plastic (they have those too- also made in the US). You can also just switch out the nipples as the baby gets larger.

I might get one set and then buy the rest used, because you never know what the baby will like (our bub did love the cheap-o ones that were used as shower decorations and fancy glass, but never cared for the other nipples like Tommee Tippee). Medela bottles attach to the pumps, and seem to be made in a mix of places. We used them most while breastfeeding/pumping, and they still work now, though we prefer other bottles. I would avoid bottles with wider or non-standard sized nipples (Avent are made in the UK, but their nipples are a whole different set). They are apparently more breast-like, which might resonate with some little ones (wait and try a friend's or buy used if need be- some nursing coaches even have them). Try to stick with all bottles that work on one team.

Breast Pump (new)- You can try getting this used, but like a car seat, people won't support it (for some good reasons- you have to get that thing CLEAN before you use it). Most (but not all) Medela pumps are made in the US, and you can either get an electric version or a manual one. I ended up only using the manual version, which hurt less and felt like less fuss in general. You still feel like a cow, but you get to feel like the farmer too.

from Necessary Cuteness

Breastfeeding Pillows (used)- The Boppy or My Breast Friend can be absolute angel pillows. I know lots of breastfeeding moms swear by them. They did not help me, and the last thing I ended up wanting was yet another step introduced into late night feedings. That being said, if you want one, these are pretty consistent presences at consignment stores and just the kind of things other moms are willing to lend out.  My Breast Friend is made in China, and the Boppy claims to be US-made but is at least partially imported from China. So not great.

 Luckily, there is always a pile of them in consignment stores waiting to be used. One comes up on /Buy Nothing at least once a month. You can even get a janky-looking one and throw a new cover on it, so it will look just as fresh. Etsy has tons of the for Boppy- Sprinkled with Kisses, Lublini Custom Bedding, Arbor Hill Supply, Mod Fox, Lullabies and Lollipops, Max and Grace, Petal and Branch. and Necessary Cuteness. It will look amazing, and no one will know the difference.

Burp Rags (new)- We bought the same flat fold Gerber diapers as everyone else (boo, skip Gerber stuff), but I think they aren't that necessary. Even less necessary? The cutesy patterned ones- this is for vomit, people (Kemaily does cute sets, but honestly, you probably don't need to spend your money here). Washclothes would work the same way, or you can cut up unwanted baby blankets to make burp rags when the time comes. If you do want to register for some, Nu-Angel sells a 12 piece set for a similar price as the Gerber's (why doesn't everyone do this?).

Thirsties prefolds would be our other pick, made of organic hemp in the US. Satsuma has this set made of Bamboo. Bamboosa washcloths are super soft too, and would be fine for this, and Babykicks would be great (maybe a little small?) too. Looking for something with a little more texture? Cherub's Blanket claims to have the best burp cloth ever.

Dishwasher Basket (new)- These baskets keep all your nipples and rings together in the dishwasher, and it is a key part of our baby bottle game. Prince Lionheart baskets are made in the USA out of recycled plastic, so it doesn't get any better than that. If you can't find one used, just buy this brand.

Drying Rack (used)- You can start by just using your regular dish rack, but it may not be ideal. Boon makes these super cute grass racks- ours is skinny and rests on the windowsill, to keep all your bottling stuff clean and together. The downside is they all look to be made in Elsewhere. You can probably get one of these in consignment- they have a pile of the at our consignment store.

High Chair (used)- Gah, another big one that can be tough to find Made in the US, and from what I can see, no particularly green manufacture. On the bright side, for whatever reason, this one seems more easily found at consignment stores or open box on Amazon (people get too many high chairs as gifts, maybe?). We bought our high chair used- the Oxo Tot high chair, which is on wheels and can lift up and down. We love it, and there are at least five open box on Amazon right now (and you will save money!). You won't need it until 6 months, so it gives you extra time to track something down- consider if you want it to move or fold away, and how well your baby can grow into it- everything else doesn't matter much. If you are going for looks, there are tons of wood chairs on etsy and in consignment you could refinish as well.

If you can't find something good used, Baby Eco Trends sells USA-made wooden high chairs that may be your winner. Stokke Tripp Trapp's high chair is made in Finland, but its baby set and tray are both made in the US of recyclable material. Keekaroo chairs are made in China, but their seats, trays, and cushions are made in New York. Neither are great, so really, check those baby consignment stores!

from Love your Reusables

Nursing Pads- Disposable nipper covers make no sense. You buy 100+ of them, and then throw them away because they have milk on them is so inconsistent. One time use bottles? One time use milk glasses? No! That's crazy. Even worse, those disposable ones are all Made in Elsewhere, so think of all the fossil fuels that go to waste.

I would mostly recommend cloth reusable- they are comfortable and easily washable. My picks would be these super fun Marley Monster's covers (why not? your nipples won't be having any other kind of fun) or these pretty bamboo ones from Love your Reusables. Nuangel on Amazon has simple options. You could also try Willow Sprouts and Baby Kicks (the shape might help early sore nipples).

Lilypadz makes a silicon version, which can probably keep you from using so many disposable ones. They work better if you are spilling a lot or you have to go a long time.

A Nursing Cover- You may be able to find these used (or make it yourself( too, but I recommend a nursing scarf, which you can wear on you over the covers where it looks like your boobs are a puppet theater. I found this (lovingly known as boob mountain) to be easier, less attention-getting, and more comfortable for me.

I love covers from Nursing Time because the cloth is super breathable, and you can find all kinds to fit your style. I switch between that one and this one from Covered Goods, which are made in Los Angeles and come in all sorts of very wearble designs! I am debating buying a third for our new baby, because I love these so much!

Other places to look? Hold me Close Nursing, Lula Baby Co (check this one out!), Milkmaid Goods, and Evalee Boutique.

Pacifiers (new)- Not so fast! Buy a few, but not a lot. 3-4 tops. It's another one of those things where the baby's taste for it just can't be predicted. Some Nuk silcon pacifiers were made here, and they have glowing reviews.The Philips Avent Soothies are made in the US, and they were the only ones we had any luck with (we eventually gave up- a lot more babies never take one than you figure).  These pacifiers are made in Europe, but they offer a slightly different design than the American version, and you avoid buying more plastic.

You can also go for a pacifier clip. I know people swear by them, but I wouldn't get more than one (go simple if you care about matching) until you know more about your baby. Etsy has plenty of options- Henley's Headbands, The Chipped Cup, The Stitched Co, Fawn and Finn, and Clover and Birch.

Replay from Amazon

Silverware for an Early Eater (new)- This is a good opportnuity to register ahead. For a little further down the line, this  Green Eats silverware rocks. Not only is it made in the USA, it is also completely made out of used milk bottles. We have them and the spoon is definitely broader than the other options, but I have never heard the baby complain. We have Replay forks, sippy cups, and plates as well, and we love them. These two companies are some of my favorite baby things on the planet.  They also make plates (as does Love Mae Store, that makes their plates out of bamboo).

Special Babyfood Maker (just wait)- This seems like a scam- you can steam vegetables without it. Beaba has one, and it isn't worth it. The idea is that it steams and purees the food in one motion, but let me tell you, making baby food is already like a six minute process. Boil and blend. It didn't need these improvements, because I promise you, you can handle it. If you decide it is too much, you can often find them used in consignment stores. If you haven't decided about baby-led weaning, it may be left behind anyway.

Wubba Nubs (just wait)- Another one of those things that are a perfect comfort item for some babies and never see the light of day for others. You will probably get one without asking for it, based purely on its cuteness. If not, other parents might be happy to pass one along. That's plenty. If it resonates, by all means get more (my nephew still loves them at three), but they are made in China, so if you can avoid it, I think that's good.

furniture and nursery decor

Bassinet

Crib

Changing Table

A Few Pieces you Love

Glider or Rocking Chair

Growth Chart 

Toddler Chair

Mobile

Monitor

Pack n Play

Shelving

Swing/Bouncer

Wall Decor

Bassinet (used)- Much like the baby clothes, this is absolutely essential, but only for a short window, so it can be tough to find one at a reasonable price that isn't made in China. Our Fisher Price Rock n Play was a lifesaver for a minute, but don't buy from them. Just don't. Everything they make is from China, and their packaging isn't even recyclable. Just, boo all around.

This can be found at consignment stores, or if you ask to borrow one on Buy Nothing, people will lend you theirs for the 3-4 months you need it (I think lots of moms keep theirs because it reminds them of that time when everyone was sleeping, but they can part with it for a while). Ours was passed around for 4 babies to use between our two babies.

Crib (used, new) - If you have the chance for one used, and you can look into its history, go for it. If not, there are plenty of options made in the USA, You can look at sites that have a pretty wide variety of American-made styles like Kids n Cribs. Also, I recommend one that turns into a toddler bed, for simplicity's sake if nothing else. Baby Eco Trends is made in the US and maybe Amish (I am slightly suspicious that they don't list an exact location), but they have a wide variety of wooden cribs, cradles, and moses baskets. Land of Nod has a clean, minimal crib that I think would be perfect for a bright boy or girl nursery(in case you are planning siblings).

Baby Furniture Plus also has a pretty wide selection of Made in the USA baby furniture, including some great cribs (I really love the Willa crib and the Braxton would be great in the vintage grey color). Berg Furniture has two nursery collections as well. Whitney Brothers make a great version that would work as a co-sleeper as well.  Oeuf has a (sustainably made in Europe) Sparrow Crib so modern and fancy, I am not cool enough for it. Bayletto's cribs are also very clean line and modern, made in New Zealand from sustainable wood (it's a similar look without breaking the bank). A Pacific Rim crib is handmade in the US and can transition into toddlerhood- It's what I imagine Ron Swanson would make for cribs- not super fussy, but pretty and sturdy.

Changing Tables (just wait)- This is a perfect opportunity to use something you already have. I know some people love them, but you don't need one. We put our changing area on top of a repainted dresser. It won't change your life if you try to use a more flexible piece of furniture, and with another coat of paint, it could last you until the baby graduates highschool (where that changing table will be on its way out in no time). Berg Furniture has all kinds of kids' beds and dressers, and I think one could easily work as a changing table as well.

A Few Pieces (a rug, lamp, lampshade) You Really Love- I wouldn't go too crazy here, but there are tons of options that are made in America you can feel pretty good about, while also nailing whatever theme you set (and you should, if you want to- you can make any theme still work while shopping green). Carousel Designs has lots of cute, Made in the USA options. I'd say check consignment places first, but you can fill in the blanks easily enough.

These purchases are so individual, but you can still find things that you like and that are made ethically. For the nursery, we bought a couple of really special things- hot air balloons to hang from the ceiling, steampunk prints for the walls (along with a map from a flea market and our shower decorations), and gear stickers (that did not work in the end- so it goes). We also bought a bunch of pillow covers, since his nursery has a futon but not a lot of walls, This can be fun. Write your nursery theme into the search bar on Etsy and get inspired!

 Glider or Rocking Chair (used/new)- If you have one already, perfect! If not, you can start by checking basically any Goodwill. You could probably spice up an old rocker pretty easily- it's still cheaper to reupholster or paint depending on where you are at. If that isn't your deal and you want to splurge on a new glider, Land of Nod has a pretty big collection of gliders and ottomans all made in the US. My only other advice is to get an ottoman with storage, either way. You are having a baby. Your life of single purpose furniture is over, you need to hide the baby shit anywhere you can.

Baby Eco Trends also has more traditional wooden options to consider,

from Half Pint Ink Studio

Growth Charts- I love these things, especially if you are not sure the house your bub is starting in won't be his or her home for too long. Maple Landmark offers a bunch of sweet options for this, with all sorts of cutesy toppers. I absolutely love  these ruler growth charts from  Domestic Blueprint. Grace Words by Melanie, Half Pint Ink Studio, Your Custom Signs, or Sir Silas (which you finish yourself).

Little Chairs- I can't get over the cuteness of these ones from Land of Nod, which would be perfect for those monthly photos (don't put them up high or laying down for that- because around 7 months, things will get impossible). LL Bean still makes beautiful personalized rocking chairs as well in Maine. We got one as a gift from the Boy's parents and one at Goodwill to refinish. Makes a very sweet gift. Pottery Barn Kids also makes an "Anywhere Chair" that is made in the us with partially recycled materials.

Mobiles- The Boy made the Bub's, and it is truly awesome, and you can do it too if you so please. It was just felt, blanket stitching, and a whole lot of trial and error. Still, if you want to spend your time on other baby crafts (or something else, though who knows what that would be), Etsy stores like Drops of Color Shop make amazing mobiles that fit basically any theme you can think of. That store is a gem. Other great mobile stores on Etsy? The Starcraft, Enchanted Pedulosity, My Dear Ellie, Cinnamon Moose Crafts, and Sweet Dreams Baby Shop.

A Monitor (new)- Yeah, you probably need one (if you aren't co-sleeping or next door to the nursery), but I am not the girl to tell you which, as I am not tech savvy, and I just mostly don't care about these things. But, like most tech gadgets, these are almost all imported. If you can find a used one (with or without a camera- that depends on your temperament), you are golden. Bonus if you find one where you can adjust it to only play the noise if it is above a certain level.

 Pack n Play (used)- If you can get it used, this is a great place to do so, because I can't find one brand that makes theirs in the US or with recycled materials.They can be good to have, but unless they have a specific role in your plan, wait it out to get one used. Our consignment store usually has at least five out on the floor. They also last freaking forever, so there have to be lots floating around in the world. When we go back home, The Bub sleeps in one previously used by his Godmother, who is now 21 years old. Maybe you want something more modern, but know you could get it for much cheaper and register for other things instead. You can get the Pack n Play sheet Made in the US!

Shelving (used/new)- If you take something sturdy and fasten it to the wall (do it now, while you still have lots of time), most shelving with a coat of paint (and maybe some toy baskets on the bottom shelf) makes for perfectly great baby storage. Transform something you already own to save money, and you can get something to last for the adult spaces.

 That being said, we didn't own anything that would work, so we bought our shelves from Ameriwood (made in Canada). I love ours because the have toy chests at the bottom. Sauder sells bookshelf/toychest hybrids that were made here as well.  My favorite company for kids furniture may now be Little Colorado, which makes all kinds of the sturdy pieces you will need (including some cool shelving options- I love the cubbies) without getting too expensive or moving out of the United States. If you like the bookshelves where you can see the covers, check out Steffy Wood Products. 

Sun-Blocking Curtains- If you are a parent, the sun is your enemy. Not unlike a vampire. If you are buying curtains, only buy ones that can block the sun.

 Swing and/or Bouncer (used)- These are amazing lifesavers while they are amazing lifesavers. For about two minutes. Then? They are out. The swing helped us all get rest for the first 2 months, then he mostly grew out of it. The Bub moved into his bouncer, which was also amazing until month 5 or 6, when he was almost flipping it to get himself out (but he really is a bruiser). Once again, Fisher Price has great versions of both if you can find one used, but they have very Earth unfriendly practices, so I wouldn't put my money there. If you can't find one used, Swedish Baby Bjorn makes a clean-lined, recyclable material bouncer that you can buy various toys for (one of my friends has this exact set, and their baby loves it). Their carriers are made in China, but their bouncer is made in Sweden.

4moms Mommaroo bouncers can sometimes serve as both (but their swings are imported), so it makes up for them being expensive (I see some open box), but I would try your baby in one before taking such a big leap.

Wall Decor (new/used) - One of the things I love most about our nursery is how much we used the decorations from our shower as the art. Put frames around the diaper cake animals, and they look great, plus it has so much more meaning. If you can have a nursery theme before your showers, I highly encourage it, because everyone can join in, and that will make the room.

Oopsy Daisy has all kinds of wall stickies and the like that are made in the US. We did a little subtle gears sticker in the Bub's room, so it is do-able! Land of Nod has this cute garland and a wall map that looks awesome (though I love maps). Kate Durkin makes these beautiful alphabet cards with animals on them. I am also obsessed with these vinyl stickers that someone used on the ceiling instead of the walls- genius. Children Inspire has great retro-feeling maps made from all eco-friendly materials. You could also do a cool movie poster like this one from FADE Graphix. Like all decor, even the ethical options are basically endless, you just have to figure out your vision!

bedding

Bedding Sets

Crib Mattress

Crib Sheets

Mattress Pad

Sleep Bag

Swaddle Blankets

Bedding Sets (just wait)- So cute, so useless. You can't use most of the components (bumpers are a SIDS hazard, and the quilts aren't useful for at least the first year). A smartly chosen sheet may do the trick for nailing down your nursery theme, you will save money, and you will have plenty of blanket chances later.

Crib Mattress (used)- Good if you can find it used, since it will be washed and covered up anyway, but watch out for things with a lot of synthetic materials . Oeuf offers a Made in the USA version for all you Eurofancies. Naturpedic has an all-organic option as well. My Green Mattress is organic, toxin-free, and made in the US as well- is it pricey? Yes, but it is worth it.. Savvy Baby also makes a mattress in the US.

from Woolf with Me

Crib Sheets (new/ used)- You can probably get a lot of bedding and sheets used or for free around. People have a lot of crib sheets. That being said, if you skip out on your whole bedding sets (which makes a lot of sense) buying a sheet or two you really like might be a good way to splurge (or to give a big gift). I would say 4 or 5 sheets are nice to have, and only one or two need to actually be attractive.

Carousel Designs makes all kinds of sheets and changing covers that might fit your vision, all made in the USA (and now on Amazon and Etsy). If you want lots of great and affordable options, check out the SheetWorld section on Amazon as well.

If you want that perfect crib sheet for that perfect look for the whole perfect nursery, no judgement, friend. If you are skipping the whole bedding shebang, you have saved yourself a bunch of money and you can put some of it toward a spot on sheet from Etsy. They have a million of them, so here are a few of my favorite stores for bedding- Woolf with Me, Babiease, Goodnight Doll, Whimsical and Witty, Madly Wish, Lou Lou Made, Little Necessities, Three Wishes Bedding Co, and West and Arrow.

A Mattress Pad (new)- I haven't seen these really for sale in consignment stores, but you might look before you make a decision. Exceptional Sheets (owned by a veteran!) makes Crib/ toddler mattress pads out of bamboo in the US. So this one stands a little more expensive than your average purchase, but it might be worth it. Go ahead and register for it- you might be surprised!

Two to three Sleepbags (new/used)- We started with Halo Sleepsacks, and they do work great compared to just swaddling, but again, there are more eco-friendly options! First, you can find them used in consignment or TONS open box on Amazon. No reason to waste money buying these new, Taraluna has simple but very eco-friendly options. Swaddleme has great sleepbags (in like a million designs), but they don't have any additional swaddle to them for the arms. You can also find some sleepbags usedsince they mostly don't last that long.

Swaddle Blankets (new)- You will get so many of these without asking, and many of ours were homemade, so that is awesome. People LOVE Aden and Anais blankets. I do not blame them- we have a set, and they do in fact put all others to shame. They are also made in China. So buy them used. Keep an eye out for them in consignment stores (and really, don't worry about gendered design- one of ours turned peach in a laundry accident, and it still works just fine), because they will be bought up.

It's the muslin fabric that makes these blankets flexible, stretchy, and weirdly always a good temperature. These Snug Bug blankets have the same breathable, but large blankets, and they are made in the US. The prices are pretty comparable too. Swaddle Designs has some great versions of the soft, stretchy blanket as well if you want that to work out.

Etsy stores are also a good place to look for swaddle blankets- Lola and Stella has a collection of really great printed ones that come in 3 sizes. Stitched in Seattle also has really pretty patterns in organic fabrics (I may be a bit partial to this one- buy local!). Also try Rainy Day Woolies, Little Logan Designs, Tumbleweed Babies, and Rosie's Idea.

Swaddle Me Baby Wraps (just wait)- Some parents swear by these, and some never use them. We used ours maybe 2 weeks before The Bub outgrew them. They usually get such short use that they are easily found in consignment stores (and most of the namebrand options are made in China- not worth it!). My advice? Get one at a consignment store and see if it works for your baby before you invest a ton in them (also, be sure to get one with the hole in the back, because then you can use it in the carseat).

safety

Play Yards and Baby Gates

Window Covers

Latches

We started with all sorts of babyproofing materials and you know what ended up doing about 90% of the work? These latches. They keep doors and drawers closed but aren't a total puzzle to get out. We have a couple other things around, but this is really the best advice I can give you- keep it simple.

Play Yards and Baby Gates- North States manufactures all of its plastic gates in the US and their metal gates in China. They do baby gates and cute play yards like this one. If you have a difficult space to baby proof, this may be a better solution for you.

Window Covers- Ok, this all depends on your house, which I can't tell you about, but these window grids that keep your little ones from pushing out might be incredibly helpful as they get bigger and moving. Guardian Angel ones are all made in the US too.

Everything Else (used)- You need things to keep drawers closed, doors closed, etc. In consignment stores, there is usually one little basket of discarded options that people didn't use (generally still in their packaging). You can also ask for people's odds and ends on Buy Nothing. Start there. Also, you will be encouraged to put up baby gates the second you start baking that embryo- that's crazypants. I would start putting things up as the baby starts crawling, but even then, there is not the rush they suggest, so you have time to figure out what actually works for you.

So, this is the list as far as I can think of it, but there are plenty of options and stores available if you want to register or buy a cool gift for a tiny new person. We get this message over and over again to surround ourselves with excessive stuff, because then we are prepared, but if it feels like you won't need it, you very well may not. Don't listen to the chorus of people telling you that you need this or that (myself included), because they only know what works for them. If you want to poke around some more, Still Made in the USA has a page for baby stuff specifically, so this might be a great place to look if you haven't found what you like here. Land of Nod, which I love perhaps more than I should, has a huge collection of Made in the USA stuff, though you can't easily find the eco-friendly stuff.  Step 2 has a long list of Toys Made in the USA, and they even differentiate between totally made in the US and which had parts that needed to travel (I feel like I will return to that list a million times). 

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