Wedding Wednesday- Eco-Friendly Wedding Guest Wear

In your early 20's, it still feels weird to go to friends' weddings. 

By your mid-20's, it is an established part of your summer routine. Most of us even get into those binds where we are invited to more than one in a weekend. 

By the end of your 20's, you are a pro, and you could probably fill your Saturdays watching people get hitched. 

Wedding Guesting is an art all its own, and it can become a big part of life (and your budget). We may spend most wedding talk on issues of planning, but most of us will go to more weddings as a guest than a participant (unless we are a real badass), so it might be worth it to figure out how to do it well (find that drunken shenanigan line- yes to dancing, no to anything you wouldn't want a professional photographer present for), how to do it with style, and even how to do it in an eco-friendly way. 

I love going to a wedding- how many events do you get to go to where you just get to be excited for someone else, eat cake, and get dressed up? I just like when good things happen to people, and weddings are usually (but not always) really good things. The weddings in our life have picked up from year to year, though this year we are in a lull, and we had to miss a few people we really love due to travel and pregnancy-related limitations (before this year, we always tried to make it, and I think we were only thwarted once due to a nasty case of viral exanthems- sorry Kate!). I would like to believe we have gotten pretty good at guesting, at least as good as we can while still being super awkward dorks. These are the key responsibilities as I see them: 

1. Have a Good Time- Someone spent a bunch of money trying to make this party a good time. So get on board whatever ship they are sailing. Dance even if the dj is not the greatest (or prioritizes taking selfies). Participate in the activity, even if it is dorky. Make small talk even if you truly are the worst at it. You are a collaborator in the good time, so get in there and have fun like it is your job. 

2. Get a Good Gift- A gift's value can come from a lot of things, but gifting is my love language, so I take it very seriously. MORE HERE. 

3. Don't Look a Hot Mess- Don't be the guest they are trying to crop out of pictures. This is a wedding; no camo shorts, nipples, or super fashion moments are needed (these are all things I have seen while a guest). The bride and groom probably indicated to you the level of formality and the general style of the wedding (often the colors too) in the invite. Don't try to dress like a bridesmaid, but you can try to get in the spirit of the event with your clothes. 

But here is the problem. If you are going to be a professional wedding guest, that adds up to a lot of travel, a lot of gifting, and a lot of merriment. It also means you are dressing up A LOT. 

You can green your gifting by seeking out the green items on their registry, giving them honeymoon money, or by doing simple substitutions by using the Made in America and Eco-Friendly Wedding Registry, 

It turns out you can turn your many fashion moments into productive and eco-friendly purchases as well. Let's go through it by formality. Not that I actually understand the different formality levels, because they are impossible, and we are a generation of ragamuffins. I'll split by gender too, but obviously you should ride the line or do whatever makes sense for you. Just gathering resources.

Formal (white tie) and Semi-Formal (black tie)

For Guys-  Rent a Tuxedo! If you think you have enough black tie events in your future, buying one might make sense. Even mainstream stores like Men's Wearhouse have their USA- made selections obviously marked. I saw a few on Nordstrom as well, but they are so expensive! How many times would you have to rent before it is cheaper to buy? Sharing/ renting makes sense to me for your average guy.

For Ladies- I have always hated that men can rent a tux and women are supposed to shell out so much money for a dress. It's not that way anymore! I am all about Rent the Runway, where you can rent formal dresses I know I could never afford. It gives you the chance to switch up your look, and it is more environmentally-friendly than all of us having some formal dresses just collecting dust in our closets. You can get dresses at every level of formality (starting as low as 30 bucks), but it makes the most sense when you are headed to a black tie wedding, because, really, when are you reusing that gown?

If your answer is "all the time, B," you are in luck. Certain designers of more formal dresses- Nicole Miller, Zac Posen, Jason Wu, Jennifer Kroll - have already pledged to make (at least some of) their dresses in the United States. Nordstrom has 46 options for made in America formal dresses. You can even try Amazon (just read the description before you buy. They love "or imported" in the descriptions). Anthropologie sells one line of Made in America dresses that would work for bridesmaids or guests. I tried to aim on the simple side, because you can always switch up the style around it, but that is my best tip- go classic in a simple color, and you might get more years of life out of the dress. 

Informal (Suit and Cocktail Dress)

For Guys- Most men (but not all, so self-assess don't sweat it if this isn't you) should probably own at least two suits: a grey or black one and a navy one. The nice thing for dudes is they can buy one or two really well-made suits, and then wear them forever. It's kind of this blog's dream for all people, regardless of their gender. Most suits aren't cheap, but a good one can last you so long that you really get your money's worth. 

I know Men's Wearhouse carries a brand Joseph Abboud that are sewn in the United States, so you can go pretty basic and still buy something ethical with minimal negative impact. Their dress pants are even on sale, so it can have minimal pocket impact as well. Nordstrom has a whole section of Made in America suits as well, though I cannot imagine ever being rich enough to spend that kind of money. 

I don't have much advice on men's fashion, but I do HIGHLY recommend the American List on the Continuous Lean. They have a massive list of American-made fashion and gear for men. We have had great luck with everything they have recommended. 

For Ladies- First, a lot of the answers for a great cocktail dress are the same- check out Rent the Runway, you might be surprised by their 1127 options. I think I will do this next time, because the dresses look so beautiful and at least at this moment, my body is always in flux, so purchasing something doesn't make a ton of sense. 

Lots of cocktail dresses are made domestically, so if you do want to buy, you can support slow fashion, the American worker, and shrinking the fossil fuel consumption that plagues uneccessary imports. Nordstrom has 400+ made in America options. Amazon has hundreds as well. You can also find beautiful cocktail dresses made by American designers like Nanette Lepore or (my favorite) Eva Franco. (you can also shop for both of their stuff on Anthropologie). You could also browse Modcloth's Made in America pages.  Lastly, try Shabby Apple- this American brand sells gorgeous dresses that would work perfectly for weddings and cocktail events. 

Casual (everything else)

For Guys- My husband would probably still wear a suit, but for most guys, a few button ups and some trusted dress pants are all you need to survive those less formal weddings. Use what you already have and invest in pieces that will last you. My advice? Look for some button ups on The American List from A Continuous Lean. It may cost more at first, but get something classic and it should last you longer. For neckties, I recommend used or something from The General Knot Co or The Hillside.

For Ladies- If you are in a sundress situation, your first good bet is to check your own closet or favorite consignment store. There are plenty of sundresses out in the world, so you are likely to find something great without looking far. If  you are feeling like you need something special, try checking out Shabby Apple, Modcloth, or Nordstrom. Try a new consignment store, borrow from friends, Thred Up, or even Rent the Runway. You can get something amazing for 30 bucks, for goodness sakes! 

Prioritize getting things used, and if not used, made in America. Stop buying things that are ok, and only shell out for dresses you love enough to keep wearing! Bonus points if you can dress it up or down to get more use out of it. I also think doing separates might get you more bang for your buck- you can use different combinations on those wedding-saturated summers. You have so many options, there is no reason to spend money on a dress that was unethically-made and wastes fossil fuels.

A few other Green Habits for weddings-

Turn down the plastic straw or stirrer. You can't stop the train from rolling, but you can get off. They will last a teensy bit longer.

Give an eco-friendly gift. Check the registry, but a few switches might make the whole thing way more environmentally-kind. Consider who you are shopping for, but this may be a good choice. Or buying a "giftless" gift, like movie tickets or a gift card for a museum, might be the perfect gift. Get your card from a foundation like the Arbor Day Foundation. Wrap it in something recycled.

Recycle your program. 

Good luck, guesties! If you need some inspiration for gifts, be sure to check out The Made in America and Eco-Friendly Wedding Registry. If you want more general shopping inspiration, try The Giant List of Shopping Lists. 

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Wedding Wednesday- 10 (Eco-friendly) Ways to be the Favorite Shower Guest

In one lifetime, most women will go to a LOT of bridal showers. Some will be of women who absolutely own our hearts. Others will be for our boyfriend's cousin's fiance where we will awkwardly sit in the corner. Either way, there will be a registry, and there will be a long chunk of shindig where we watch the bride, groom, or both open gifts.

So, how does bridal showering change when you are trying to be eco-friendly or buy local?

It can be a challenge. The couple gets to make an exact list of what they want, and if it turns out to be full of Made in Elsewhere junk that hurts your heart to buy, you can really feel stuck between compromising your own priorities or being the jerk buying decorative birdhouses.

These are my best ideas of how to be an awesome guest, how to break the mold enough to be interesting, but not so much that you are the one they tell stories about later. You can kick ass at bridal showering and stay eco-friendly! Here's how:

1. Pair the Personal with the Practical- Something small and personal makes for the most memorable gifts. One of our friends gave us a little stone with our faces painted on as a wedding gift. It is still one of my favorites. I also received two quilts and a blanket that I love and continue to be in use at our house. If you know the wedding colors or something they might need for the wedding, you could go that route. We received some things that were thoughtful, but not that useful (a lot of decorative platters) and some that were practical but not personal, but if you can combine registry desires with a personalized theme or something you made yourself, you can really nail the gift.

2. Forget Adulting, Put in for the Honeymoon- Looking at the registry and having trouble finding an eco-friendly option? Ugh, that smarts. The couple may be equally happy to accept money OR if you want to go big, ask after their honeymoon and put money specifically toward that. Wedding showers are especially all about practicality, and that can become a drag, so see if you can't invest in a cool memory for them on their trip.

There are registries specific for honeymoon funds, but even if they don't have one, I bet they will love the help. I know one of my friends skipped out on the activity she most wanted to do, because it was too expensive. In retrospect, I wish I could have skipped the wedding/shower gift and put money in for that. Stuff is just stuff, but making new and amazing memories can fuel a marriage.

3. Come Prepared to Have Fun- You want to give your bride a gift? Have a great time. The hosts can only prepare so much- once you get to a party, the fun of the shindig depends on all of the guests. Time to play silly games? Go into it with Olympic intensity to make it awesome. Small talking with the bride's crazy relatives? Lean in, my friend. Don't sit in the corner, only hang out with your people, or worst of all, let someone else be uncomfortable or alone.

At a wedding, in my expert opinion, you are contractually obligated to start the bride and groom's marriage off with a full dance floor and happy faces. Do the shower version of that.

4. Write a Good Note- Showers can be overwhelming events where the bride or groom doesn't get the time they hope for with each guest (I know I felt that way). No matter what you decide to gift, a thoughtful note and some encouragement might be the best gift you can give. Write something personal and genuine, and you could very well make his or her day when they can really go through things without an audience.

5. Skip the Lingerie- No one wants to open something seedy with all of their aunts watching. Maybe someone does, but if you aren't sure that is that bride, just skip it. If you want to do something romantic, buy some gift certificates to local restaurants and invest in some date nights. Seriously, underwear gifts are way more weird than clever.

6. Go in Together for One Gift- Don't hate- collaborate! You may not have the.budget for a really fabulous gift, but you could go in with other guests to go big. We get into this idea that more gifts= better gifts, but there is something to be said for a gift they may not be able to afford themselves. They can go buy a kitchen clock themselves, but a new set of knives might be way out of reach. Not to mention, this gesture might save them from the long, awkward present-opening part of the shindig, which is a lot of pressure.

You can do this two ways- collect money anonymously, and figure out what you an buy with it. Or, pick something first and let people donate with knowledge of the endpoint. Spend less time worrying whether the generosity is equal- it's not a competition.

7. Take Pictures- Ok, maybe this seems silly, but I think one of the best things you can do for a couple on the path to getting married (or having a baby) is to be positive, enthusiastic, and to help document any and all festivities. You get to the other end of things and can feel like it slipped through your fingers, so some pictures from others helps them have a fuller perspective on these days and all of the good stuff happening. It costs you no money, minimal time, and can really be so sweet and thoughtful.

8. Make the Switch or Get out of the Box- Not excited about the registry? You can try to do a switch out using my suggestions on The Eco-Friendly and Made in America Wedding Registry. Don't see anything that speaks to you? What are some other things they will definitely need? What about movie tickets or some other kind of date night? Gift cards for take out places with their menus? A cheese of the month club. Invest in the memories they will make as a couple! Or go a totally different route and cut out a practical concern for them- give them all the quarters they will ever need for laundry with The Simply Co soap and dryer balls. Get them all the tissues they will ever need and a throw blanket for sick days. Get them Amazon Prime or a netflix subscription. By shifting your paradigm to less concrete gifts, you can really come up with something cool.

9. Buy 3 Used Gifts Instead of One New One- This is true for baby showers too- some things on registries (measuring cups, anything glass, kitchen tools) are ALWAYS for sale in consignment and antique stores. Still look at what they want, but get something a little more special and a LOT more cost-effective. You can get 4 kitchen tools at Goodwill for the same cost as one from Bed Bath and Beyond. Way to help them fill up that kitchen AND reduce waste!

10. It's All About Them- Sometimes you know the bride or groom better than others; it is well worth it to keep who they are in mind before you go for it. Maybe they are the kind of people who would LOVE practical gifts like a year's worth of paper towels and toilet paper- think of the drudgery they can skip! Other people would hate it. If you aren't sure, call one of those numbers on the RSVP line and ask them. If it still seems risky, do 60% what they said they want and 40% something a little riskier.

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Vintage Bride Carlye's Tips for a Wonderful Wedding.

Dear Reader, 
Today, we have the last of Carlye's wonderful posts: her tips for future brides...

1. Make sure your day reflects you as an individual and as a couple! Don't do anything because someone else wants you to or because it's what your 'supposed to do'! You and your guests will have a far better time knowing all those big and tiny details reflect you both! 

2. Make sure you have a way of collecting photos in one place such as a website, Instagram etc so you don't miss a moment.
3. Ensure you have an idea of what type of photos you want and who you want in them but also give a bit of time for guest to ask your photographer to take pictures of them so you don't miss a vital group or couple which you may forget in your own personal list! That way you have everyone covered! 
4. Shop around for what you want and stay within your budget. Don't settle for anything less on the big things like your dress, venue, food, photographer if you can – as these are what will make your day! 
5. It's worth spending a bit more on your photographer as this is your record for years to come! Get the best for your budget! 
6. And once you both know what you want, ask family and friends to help where they can. They'll be happy to do it as a wedding present. This will allow everyone to be included and  adds that personal touch, while saving you time and money. 
7. Only invite who you really want and who know you both. Don't feel obliged to invite people's other halves or someone from work or someone you don't know every well. This can be tricky but ultimately it will save you money and ensure you only have your nearest and dearest! Just ask yourself: will we still see each other in 3 ,5, 10 years time? We had everyone we wanted and it felt so much more intimate! 
8. Try not to stress and worry. Ensure you enjoy your day as much as possible. Things may not exactly go to plan but make the best of things – it's your big day and it's never gonna come round again! 
9. Try to see everyone and do everything you planned to get the most from it. But it's important to accept this isn't always possible – and that's ok as long as everyone else enjoyed it! 
10. Try not to be too precious about your dress. Just enjoy it. Don't be afraid to move or eat or dance! It's there to make you look beautiful but for you to also enjoy your day as well. If there's a hiccup – mine got stood on and I caught my sleeve – it can be fixed. Don't panic! 
11. Remember your day is about you both most of all, about enjoying yourself with friends and  family! Capture moments and make memories for years to come. That way, when you're old and wrinkly you can smile and enjoy looking back! 

Thanks so much Carlye – for sharing your brilliant day and all your wisdom. 
Readers... what a girl! 
Love
Helena
Heavenly Vintage Brides

For a snapshot of more gorgeous Real Vintage Brides, 
check out my website page here...

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Really? Thought Catalog's Top 10 Fictional Boyfriends (and Who Might Be Better)

Today Chelsea Fagan's blog on the Top Ten fictional boyfriends got passed around the internet, and wow, some women realy like losers. If you want to check out the original it is here at this link- http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/the-10-best-fictional-boyfriends/ I'm going to work off the assumption that she is talking about all heterosexual men, as in "I am a heterosexual woman and if this person were real I would date them" She got a couple right:

1.Aidan from Sex in the City-Cute, arty laborish, woefully mistreated. Aidan is definitely one of the best Sex and the City men (though I think Steve and Harry are the real winners). And you just have to forgive the hair from the early years. We all have our phases.

2.Tom from 500 Days of Summer-He's fine? I mean, I don't remember much but some pining eyes and then sad eyes. And one dance number. He makes the winner list because I love a man with no shame about public dancing, and Hall and Oates takes it to another level. Also, now that I look for a picture of him I notice there were a lot of sweater vests in play- not a positive or a negative, just something I noticed.

3.Aladdin- He's spunky, voiced by the guy from Full House, and is certainly more interesting than most of the turds Disney princesses have to deal with. Sure, he lies to his girlfriend the majority of the movie, but all in all, not her worst pick.

4. Ron Weasley-For a long time, Ron Weasley was my favorite Harry Potter character, until I realized that Neville actually owns my heart. I'm telling you, the nerdier are, the better. Ron is a ginger, loyal, funny, and appropriate levels of afraid of Hermoine. All in all he is a definite winner. Written and on film, Weasley is probably the best of the bunch.

 Borderline, but I am as guilty as anyone:

 1. Mr. Darcy- An ass like 80% into the book. Looks like Colin Firth even as you read the book (somehow, his Firthiness shines through- that's probably why he played the part again in Bridget Jones Diary- he is so good at that stare). I think maybe it gets more credit than others because she doesn't love him to his gooey center. She basically tells him to screw off and he has to go off and learn to be better before she ever gives him a chance. That's a key difference here.

And then there are the other ones:

1. The Beast- Holy crap, are you kidding me? Beauty and the Beast is an absolute mainstay in every Into to Feminism class ever. It is the perfect example of Disney's absolutely warped models of relationships as presented to little girls. The guy locked her father in a tower! He screamed at her and threatened her with violence!  This sets up one of the worst girlfriend dynamics- the good old "you don't understand him like I do." Really? Because what I understand is that your boyfriend is an emotionally abusive asshole. Major boyfriend fail.

 2. Jesse Pinkman- Yes, he does have pretty blue eyes. He is also a drug dealer. And he's killed people. Again, ladies, no gooey center is going to save you from outside crazy or stupid. Let's shoot for men who can function on both levels! It's not an impossible dream!

3. Josh from Clueless- Trust me, I love Paul Rudd as much as the next girl, and he is ridiculously cute in this movie. But don't we all know the guy in his 20's who are dating high school girls? They usually have HPV and all sorts of crazy business. I don't necessarily think age is a primary issue, but there are milestones in life that turn into a great divide. If you have lived on your own, you should not  date someone who has only lived with their parents, etc.

4. George from George of the Jungle- Did she just run out of movies? It's a weird choice, which she pretty much admits, but we are missing exactly why he makes the list. Because Brendan topless is not even sort of a good reason. He's not cute! Also, anyone with more than one fart joke is pretty much out.

So here are my admittedly heteronormative counter-ideas:

1. Turk on Scrubs- I am pretty sure he falls for Carla on the very first episode. He is a work in progress, he never quite gets it right, but he is kind and he is always trying. This is the key people.

2.David Huxley in Bringing up Baby- Ok, this is an odd one, because on the one hand, he does blow off his fiance on their wedding day. But, he is open with his feelings, ready for an adventure, dresses sharp, and he looks like Cary Grant while being wonderfully weird. I love it.

3. Aragorn from Lord of the Rings- First of all, he is played by Viggo, who is a ridiculously beautiful man. Aragorn's role as a loverboy doesn't really show in the books, but they really pushed it in the films. His girlfriend Arwen gives up eternity to be with him, but rather than just be totally pumped about it, he seems sad, as if he really understands what she gave up. He also treats women with respect and never says anything stupid about fighting in a woman's honor. That's a quality man.

4.Wall-E- How can you talk about animated boyfriends without bringing up this one? Have you seen this movie? Unbelievably sweet and loyal, doesn't talk too much, and saves the human race from their passive consumerism. He even dresses Eve around and brings her around.

5. Cory from Boy Meets World-  A Classic. That guy loved his Topanga, even as she changed all of her character traits from start to finish in the series. He also loved Sean a lot.

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