3 Things I Love Today- Disney Marathons, Golden Doodle Puppy Pictures, Jacqueline and Caroline on Real Housewives of New Jersey

1. Tweets about the Disney Marathon on ABC Family- People are so happy about it! But, I will admit, it was fun to watch Hercules this afternoon with my Mom. Pretty much my fave, because Meg is the bomb. Still one of the only Disney ladies with a good sense of humor.

2. Goldendoodle puppies!- Yes, I am still obsessed with them. The Internet supports my golden doodle addiction. I am hoping that someday I can have pictures of my own!

3.  Jacqueline and Caroline on J's son Nicholas's autism- all in all, the reunion this year was just DEPRESSING. The toxicity of all the relationships are so sad, but it was very sweet to see Jacqueline talk about her son and her thoughts on going through the season. It was even sweeter to see her sister-in-law support her, and clearly really loves her nephew, because that is what family is supposed to be like. I'll happily admit that I used to love this show as a guilty pleasure, and Jersey was my favorite because I liked the closeness of family relationships, but seeing how destructive reality television can be to those relationships is super depressing. For realsies.

Thing I do NOT love- vodka commercials with super misogynistic renderings of robots. Seriously, disgusting. 

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Quote of the Week- Moms

The real religion of the world comes from women much more than from men - from mothers most of all, who carry the key of our souls in their bosoms.- Oliver Wendell Holmes

"Yes, Mother. I can see you are flawed. You have not hidden it. That is your greatest gift to me."

- Alice Walker

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3 Things I Love Today- Walk to End Alzheimer's, Naps, Saffron Broth

1. Walk to End Alzheimers- I will probably write a whole blog on my experience doing the walk, but all in all I was pretty impressed with how it was organized and not overwrought or heavy handed. Getting up this morning at 6:20 was pretty horrible, and I am pretty sure we all took a nap at some point today, but all in all, it was definitely worth it.
2. Naps- seriously, they are God's best invention. A good nap is the best thing for the soul. Now I am super ready to go to bed, but it is still a pretty effective survival tool.
3.Ok, I was going to say my Mom, but I think I basically said that yesterday, so I will say any broth that has garlic, tomatoes, and saffron. Maybe the perfect compliment to seafood, and even better it tastes like it should be high calorie, but that isn't the case at all! Also, I really love spending time with my Mom.

Bonus! My Mother's ability to make friends with absolutely everyone. Also, her exceptional respect for swag. She could tell you all about Alzheimer's care in the Bay Area now, and she has a huge collection of pens, stress balls, and one really nice chip clip. 

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3 Things I Love Today- A PhD is..., Tim Gunn Grouch, and my Mom is Here!

1. This visual representation of what a PhD is-the colors represent knowledge- the blue is elementary school, the green is highschool, the pink is college (where you learn a bit of everything, but also spacialize) and then you push out further out into your specialized direction, until you reach a gap in knowledge. You push that limit out a teeny bit, and that little nubbin' you added to the world of knowledge is a PhD. Whoa. If the big red phallus was a lot skinnier, this would be a perfect representation, I think.

2. Tim Gunn on the set of Sesame Street- If this photograph doesn't warm your heart, you are the worst person in the entire world.

3. My Mom is visiting! She's so fun and laid back, and right now she is weirdly stubborn about sleeping on the couch in our living room rather than in our guest room. I don't get it, and I clearly cleaned for nothing, but there you go! Also, we are getting up at the crazck of dawn to do the Walk Against Alzheimer's tomorrow, so we should go to sleep for realsies!

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Fall Clothes Inspiration

Ok, I am trying to sort of round up clothes ideas through the beauty of pinterest. I am not above loving clothes- I love color and pattern, so pretty much everything I like is usually multi-color and covered in polka dots. I am trying to thoughtfully transition that into something I can use long term. I am not sure how you do this, and spending a ton of money on clothes has never been my thing. So when I do buy something, I usually love it. Which means it is covered in polka dots and bright red.

So I am trying to use pinterest to learn about balance and the beauty of neutrals or whatever. I will never go as beige as a lot of these girls, but it is kind of fun to see what I have accumulated this month, so I thought I'd share.

 I guess there is some hair stuff in here too. And a couple of movie stills. Whatev, I am not a fashion expert yet.

 Ok, so I haven't given up my serious love of polka-dots, but these two dresses look like things you can wear for a long time (or at least on the left that supermodel could wear for a long time!)

 LOVE the 40's makeup on the left and the necklaces on the right. Not sure they would go together, but I like the idea anyway.

 So, the two things I am noticing by looking at stuff is an awareness of your own form really helps (of course, a lot of these people are just too skinny for me), and that if you keep things mostly neutral, than your color really pops. Anyway, this all feels a bit like make-up, where it only comes in useful in a blue moon, but I don't think there is anything wrong with doing whatever it is that makes you feel pretty or feel a little bit of joy in how you were made. 

 I think both of these are gorgeous, and I am pretty obsessed with how the girl on the left is working that colorful outfit and short hair. The woman on the right has a bit of a 1940's Katherine Hepburn thing going on, but you have to be totally curve-less to wear something like that.

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What I'm Striving For

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Conservative Rhetoric, "Goodness," and Human Value

Ok, so this is related to the John Stewart video I posted earlier, which is a pretty incisive take on the conservative media's spinning of the 47% Romney gaff (or whatever you want to call it). There are two quotes from this piece that really cut into some of my biggest frustrations with nastier conservative rhetoric at large (this is my caveat that of course this doesn't apply to all conservative thought, just a particularly loud strain right now):

 "The biggest problem with the denizens of Bullshit Mountain is they act like their shit don't stink. If they have success, they built it. If they failed, the government ruined it for 'em. If they get a break, they deserve it. If you get a break, it's a handout and an entitlement. It's a baffling, willfully blind cognitive dissonance."

"This is the heart of bullshit mountain. The 49% entitlement society that Obama enables. That is the core of the bullshit mountain fiction is how only since Obama have the half of Americans who love this country and work hard and ARE GOOD have had the fruits of their labor seized and handed over to the half of this nation that is lazy, and dependent, and the opposite of GOOD"

The first quote has been getting a lot more attention, but it is this divisive idea of "goodness" that has been on my mind so much in this election. I have noticed in Romney's rhetoric and tactics that there is a genuine appeal to take America back for the GOOD people, which from what I can tell are the rich white people. But the problem for his campaign (which I think appeals to the fear he continually tries to tap into), is that this is a democracy, and too many people now exist who do not fit into his definition of being good and well-behaved. This kind of logic is bound to fail, but it clearly is going down swinging, and I believe that women are bearing the brunt of the social anxiety (because it is political suicide to be racist or homophobic, but being classist and misogynistic is still in style on BOTH sides of the political spectrum).

One of my facebook friends posted, while watching the Sandra Fluke speech, posted that she felt frustrated that democrats speak as if they speak for all women. I agree, this is a problem, because clearly there are intelligent conservative women who have their own opinion and should certainly not felt spoken for. At the same time, the issue of "goodness" could not be more important and imminent than in discussions of womanhood and women's rights, and I often get extremely frustrated with conversations with conservative women because there is an "us and them" mentality. Basically, I am a good woman who is doing things right, and women who do not behave like I do deserve to be punished/ have their rights taken away/ not be allowed to marry their partners/ should be forced to have children they do not want. Because they are not good like we are. I am sure there is plenty of nuance there, and certainly my many conservative lady friends are welcome to speak up, but this is what I hear.

 This same woman, maybe six months ago, posted an article about natural family planning, suggesting all women should get off birth control and let their male partners take primary responsibility for who's getting pregnant when. The article suggested that this is the one truly feminist choice, and those other feminists are actually trying to trick women into more responsibility/burdens/ whatever. There was also a bunch of stuff about how birth control is keeping women from getting married and being happy and so forth.

I want to be clear, that if natural family planning works for your situation and is agreed upon between you and your partner, it is certainly not an un-feminist choice. Being married and having babies is a perfectly feminist option, and I think that if it is what is right for you, that is genuinely a great thing. But there are so many assumptions about women, their sexuality, and their relationships with their sexual partners that are patently false inherent in assuming all women have or want a partnership in that way. But this article essentially assumes that if you aren't married, you are probably a lost cause anyway, and there is no feminist choice for you.  Any time that you try to argue that this is the ONE truly empowering choice for women, as a feminist thinker you have already failed.

Every woman has her own situation, her own born-with priveleges, and her own choices. Treating other people's difference as a threat, or even worse an affirmation of just how "good" you are, robs you of the opportunity to learn something. I can only imagine living your life like that would be scary and very frustrating, because they will never receive the punishment you think they deserve. It also comes with the very difficult tautological reasoning, as Stewart articulated at the end of this piece in the quote that has become so popular. You like you, so what you do is good. You don't like them, so when they do THE EXACT SAME THING, it is evil.

So, as a feminist, you have to be willing to A. Concede that works for you wouldn't and shouldn't work for everyone. and B. Be willing to stand up and help people have the options they need and deserve, even if it is not the choice you would make. I do not think I could get an abortion unless the pregnancy threatened my life, but I think that it is absolutely necessary that they are available to every woman. Absolutely, because you can never fully understand the situation and subjectivity of another human being.

You can educate women on their choices (and the consquences of them- because just about every decision comes with a mixed bag of those), you can stand up when people, including women, are doing things to hurt others, and, if you are willing to keep struggling with it forever, you can constantly keep your definition of goodness in flux. Because thinking goodness looks like whatever you're doing is crazy- you know all the flaws you come with and (like the denizens of bullshit mountain) you know the hypocrisy in deciding that you are good, so what you do is good. Crazy pants! So to me, that is the constant challenge of feminist thinking, but it is still a challenge worth grappling with.

This has been my first effort at a radical lack of antagonism. I truly don't have a problem with conservatives, but I do have a problem with some of the rhetorical strategies at play in this election- this easy antagonism (again, on both ends) prevents anyone from listening and learning. Let's just decide that as long as a person isn't trying to hurt or take away the rights of others, they are probably mostly ok. Maybe even good.

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3 Things I Love Today- Balpreet Kaur, Jellyfish Tattoos, and Lunches with Friends

from www.theguardian.com

1.  Balpreet Kaur- Ok, it is already established that I love women with beards (Hello, Jennifer Miller!) because I think the act of keeping that beard is so radically defiant of gender norms and kind to themselves. These women treat themselves with absolute courage and love (so whether God gave you a beard or not, you can learn from that). Balpreet Kaur is a sophomore at Ohio State who honors her own Sikh traditions (the 5 K's) including kesh, where one does not cut her hair. She said of her decision:

"Yes, I realize that my gender is often confused and I look different than most women. However, baptized Sikhs believe in the sacredness of this body - it is a gift that has been given to us by the Divine Being [which is genderless, actually] and, must keep it intact as a submission to the divine will,"

 Treating her body as a sacred gift is certainly not a foreign idea to anyone raised in any religious context, but most of us cast off tenets to conform to contemporary standards of beauty. To have that kind of commitment as a 19 or 20 year old is so inspiring. She definitely wins my "Badass of the Day" award.

from timmytattoo.com/‎

2. And in support of defiling your body, the most beautiful tattoo in the world. Jellyfish tattoos mostly aren't that great, but this is wonderful.
3.Unexpected lunch with an old friend- my old college roommate Chris were on Stanford campus today, so we went to get lunch in Menlo Park. It was really nice to get to chat with him (especially because I didn't feel like I got to see him much at our wedding). It was generally a pretty good day- good meeting with my adviser, got to see people from school I really like to see, and I got to wear my boots (which destroyed my feet, but we will work on that.

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Chaos on Bullshit Mountain. Full.

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6 Things I Love Today (and Yesterday)- Jordan, Schmidt, Naps, Hormones, Book Doors,

1.This- transcending failures and keeping on.

2. Schmidt- The New Girl really benefits from a great ensemble, and Schmidt is a definite highlight. That guy definitely earned his out of nowhere Emmy nod. Loved his relaunch, and his danger theme. They are doing a nice job balancing the extreme ridiculousness of his character with a soft and gooey center.
3. Long Naps- I could not sleep last night, but we got an hour nap tonight that was like the best thing that ever happened in my life.
4. Hormones- Sometimes, I kind of think it is awesome when my filter goes away. I think "damn, why did I say that" and then I think "because it was f-ing honest and it needed to be said." If I could treat the people at school like I did today all the time, people would probably wonder if I had gone crazy and become a bitch, but at least I would be treating myself with a lot more respect.

 5. This bookstore doorway- I think we need to do this in our apartment. It would (temporarily) solve the book storage problem we are constantly facing.

 6. Chris Cosentino's makeover- I was going to just talk about how much I really love the newly minted Top Chef Master. I thought he just felt super smart and committed all season, and I seriously loved the way he treated his culinary students with kindness and COLLABORATION a couple episodes back. Someone who can be that successful and still have the humility to really listen seems very rare and refreshing. I am glad he won. Then, I looked for a picture of him for the blog, and got a good look at his old frosted tip punk phase. Thank goodness for the sort of ironic hipster 50's clean cut retro thing that is in now, because he looks much better now. Thank you mainstream subculture for shifting to something where men can look handsome and not like an accountant at once. And men with dark hair- just don't get frosted tips. They will be orange and embarrassing.

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Really? Thought Catalog's Top 10 Fictional Boyfriends (and Who Might Be Better)

Today Chelsea Fagan's blog on the Top Ten fictional boyfriends got passed around the internet, and wow, some women realy like losers. If you want to check out the original it is here at this link- http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/the-10-best-fictional-boyfriends/ I'm going to work off the assumption that she is talking about all heterosexual men, as in "I am a heterosexual woman and if this person were real I would date them" She got a couple right:

1.Aidan from Sex in the City-Cute, arty laborish, woefully mistreated. Aidan is definitely one of the best Sex and the City men (though I think Steve and Harry are the real winners). And you just have to forgive the hair from the early years. We all have our phases.

2.Tom from 500 Days of Summer-He's fine? I mean, I don't remember much but some pining eyes and then sad eyes. And one dance number. He makes the winner list because I love a man with no shame about public dancing, and Hall and Oates takes it to another level. Also, now that I look for a picture of him I notice there were a lot of sweater vests in play- not a positive or a negative, just something I noticed.

3.Aladdin- He's spunky, voiced by the guy from Full House, and is certainly more interesting than most of the turds Disney princesses have to deal with. Sure, he lies to his girlfriend the majority of the movie, but all in all, not her worst pick.

4. Ron Weasley-For a long time, Ron Weasley was my favorite Harry Potter character, until I realized that Neville actually owns my heart. I'm telling you, the nerdier are, the better. Ron is a ginger, loyal, funny, and appropriate levels of afraid of Hermoine. All in all he is a definite winner. Written and on film, Weasley is probably the best of the bunch.

 Borderline, but I am as guilty as anyone:

 1. Mr. Darcy- An ass like 80% into the book. Looks like Colin Firth even as you read the book (somehow, his Firthiness shines through- that's probably why he played the part again in Bridget Jones Diary- he is so good at that stare). I think maybe it gets more credit than others because she doesn't love him to his gooey center. She basically tells him to screw off and he has to go off and learn to be better before she ever gives him a chance. That's a key difference here.

And then there are the other ones:

1. The Beast- Holy crap, are you kidding me? Beauty and the Beast is an absolute mainstay in every Into to Feminism class ever. It is the perfect example of Disney's absolutely warped models of relationships as presented to little girls. The guy locked her father in a tower! He screamed at her and threatened her with violence!  This sets up one of the worst girlfriend dynamics- the good old "you don't understand him like I do." Really? Because what I understand is that your boyfriend is an emotionally abusive asshole. Major boyfriend fail.

 2. Jesse Pinkman- Yes, he does have pretty blue eyes. He is also a drug dealer. And he's killed people. Again, ladies, no gooey center is going to save you from outside crazy or stupid. Let's shoot for men who can function on both levels! It's not an impossible dream!

3. Josh from Clueless- Trust me, I love Paul Rudd as much as the next girl, and he is ridiculously cute in this movie. But don't we all know the guy in his 20's who are dating high school girls? They usually have HPV and all sorts of crazy business. I don't necessarily think age is a primary issue, but there are milestones in life that turn into a great divide. If you have lived on your own, you should not  date someone who has only lived with their parents, etc.

4. George from George of the Jungle- Did she just run out of movies? It's a weird choice, which she pretty much admits, but we are missing exactly why he makes the list. Because Brendan topless is not even sort of a good reason. He's not cute! Also, anyone with more than one fart joke is pretty much out.

So here are my admittedly heteronormative counter-ideas:

1. Turk on Scrubs- I am pretty sure he falls for Carla on the very first episode. He is a work in progress, he never quite gets it right, but he is kind and he is always trying. This is the key people.

2.David Huxley in Bringing up Baby- Ok, this is an odd one, because on the one hand, he does blow off his fiance on their wedding day. But, he is open with his feelings, ready for an adventure, dresses sharp, and he looks like Cary Grant while being wonderfully weird. I love it.

3. Aragorn from Lord of the Rings- First of all, he is played by Viggo, who is a ridiculously beautiful man. Aragorn's role as a loverboy doesn't really show in the books, but they really pushed it in the films. His girlfriend Arwen gives up eternity to be with him, but rather than just be totally pumped about it, he seems sad, as if he really understands what she gave up. He also treats women with respect and never says anything stupid about fighting in a woman's honor. That's a quality man.

4.Wall-E- How can you talk about animated boyfriends without bringing up this one? Have you seen this movie? Unbelievably sweet and loyal, doesn't talk too much, and saves the human race from their passive consumerism. He even dresses Eve around and brings her around.

5. Cory from Boy Meets World-  A Classic. That guy loved his Topanga, even as she changed all of her character traits from start to finish in the series. He also loved Sean a lot.

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